


To The Stars and Back

by TheObsessory



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Complete, F/M, Friendship/Love, Male-Female Friendship, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 18:14:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 46,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9249833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheObsessory/pseuds/TheObsessory
Summary: "When it feels scary to jump, that is exactly when you jump. Otherwise you end up staying in the same place your whole life." I had followed him my entire life. My best friend. My only friend. He understood me more than anyone else in the galaxy. But little did he know, he was dragging me the entire way. {Poe x OC} Life story. Eventually ties in with "The Force Awakens"





	1. Yavin 4

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  _*I only own the characters you do not recognize- I in no way own Star Wars*_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **To The Stars and Back  
> **  
>  Chapter One; Yavin 4  
> A Fanfiction written by TheObsessory  
> 

"Poe, I'd like you to meet my daughter, Sidra."  
I felt my father's large hand put a little pressure into the skin between my shoulder blades as he pushed me toward this new child who stood before me. I reluctantly took a few steps forward, but stopped before I got too close.  
This stranger, Poe, held a lopsided grin as my father spoke to him. He stood a couple inches taller than me, had dark waves that were nearly into his brown eyes, tanned skin and a dirty look about him like he had just been playing in dust.  
"Hi, I'm Poe Dameron, I'm seven and I'm going to be the best pilot in the galaxy!" He said enthusiastically, his hand springing from his side as he held it out to me.  
I jumped at his sudden movement, taking a cautionary few steps backwards into my father's hand as I eyed Poe.  
"Poe, dear, don't be too headstrong. Can't you see she's scared?" A woman came to kneel on the carpet next to Poe, nudging him gently with her shoulder. She shared Poe's wild curls, but had lighter skin and golden brown eyes that seemed trustworthy.  
"I'm Poe's mother, Shara. I'm sorry about my son, he's just like his father, loud and obnoxious. To be honest, I wanted a girl instead!" The last part she fake-whispered to me with a wink. I felt a small smile pull at my lips as my heart throbbed longingly.  
"Mom! That's not true!" Poe whined, only acting half hurt by the comment.  
"Yeah, Shara, that's not true, I'm only half as obnoxious as our son!"  
The pouts both Poe and Poe's father wore were identical.  
"She doesn't talk much does she?" Shara spoke to my father, her eyebrows raising.  
"She hasn't much since her mother passed away." He said lightly. What little smile I wore was gone, "And I can't blame her. It hasn't been easy without Cerys. Speaking of which."  
A three month old baby's scream filled the house, and I felt myself glare back toward the room it was coming from. My father left to go get my ugly baby sister.  
"Poe, why don't you go show Sidra around outside? Don't forget all the best hiding spots!" Shara must have seen the look on my face, for she gave me a kind, but sad, smile.  
"Okay mom!"  
In an instant, Poe's rough little hand had found mine and he was dragging me out the door into the bright sunlight.  
What had probably started out as a few houses was now a bustling settlement. Where we had just moved to was on the outer ring of housing, the tree line of the forest only a few feet from where we lived. The houses on either side of ours were identical. In fact, they all were. The only buildings that held different shapes were the stores where we would buy food, water and other supplies that were shipped into our small colony from who knows where. But other than a few changed shapes, each building was relatively uniform: gray, filled with windows and small.  
The environment was extremely peaceful and green, unlike our previous home which had been in a distant city. The nearby mountain range towered over our small homes, taller than the biggest skyscraper I had ever seen.  
While I admired my surroundings, Poe was busy talking. About what, I wasn't entirely sure. A little bit of everything, most likely. I allowed him to drag me around and show me what he found interesting. I payed little attention, but still caught a few pieces of information: his house was the one with the A-Wing parked in the front, one could often get a free cookie from the bread shop just down the street and both his parents had fought with the Alliance to restore the Republic.  
"When they were doing that, I lived with my Grandpa Bey while mom and dad fought. Mom's one of the best pilots that the Alliance had and my dad was a great soldier. But after the Battle of Endor, they came and got me and we moved here!" Poe just kept on talking as he pulled me through the long grasses near the edge of the forest, his hand firm, but gentle, around mine.  
I glanced up to see we were headed for a small tree that seemed very young still. It looked like a normal tree, but the closer we got to it, the more uneasy I felt. It didn't feel normal. I felt a pulse begin near my heart, a beating just like my heartbeat, but to a different tune. The unease sank with the pulse, and I felt myself grow calm as we stopped before the sapling.  
" _The_ Luke Skywalker gave this tree to my mom." Poe sounded like he was still in awe, even having known this information, "He called it a force-sensitive tree. My mom told me this is one of two branches that were taken from the tree in the courtyard where the young force-sensitive younglings like you and me trained to be Jedi. You know what a Jedi Knight is right?" He turned to me, his eyes wide with the story.  
I nodded my head enthusiastically at the menion of Jedi's, my eyes drifting back to the branches of the sapling. They seemed to be glowing ever so slightly.  
"Well my mom helped Luke on the mission and for a thank you, he gave this to her. Cool, huh?" The wide, lopsided grin had returned to his face, "It's beautiful too."  
I looked up at Poe with a smile, squeezing his hand lightly to grab his attention, because I couldn't help but agree.  
"Beautiful."


	2. Welcome to the Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _*I only own the characters you do not recognize- I in no way own Star Wars*_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **To The Stars and Back  
> **  
>  Chapter Two; Welcome to the Family  
> A Fanfiction written by TheObsessory  
> 

I stared at the blank piece of white paper that sat on my desk, a pack of colored pencils strewn around it. I picked up a caramel colored pencil and began to draw.  
This was the first time I had picked up a colored pencil about four months. I used to draw pictures for my mother on a daily basis. Our old home was littered with pictures of our family, of a droid I had seen and wanted, of what I wanted to be when I was older: A Jedi Knight, a doctor like my father, a stay at home mother like my own.  
I had no need to draw, as my mother was no longer around to admire my work. But something compelled me to.  
When I had finished with the caramel pencil, I grabbed for a peach one and began to draw my father's lighter face.  
My picture was coming together. My father and mother stood on either side of myself. Everyone had a smile on their face. My father wore his white doctor's garb, my mother wore a loose dress to make room for her bulging stomach and I wore a bright orange shirt. It had been my favorite before it was ruined. It looked just like the picture that was sitting in my father's room. It had been taken a couple of weeks before my mother died.  
As I stared at my finished picture intently, I felt my eyes lose focus on the lines. I sat there thinking for a moment, and when I refocused on the paper, the picture had been changed. A giant red "x" had been drawn so heavily into paper on my mother's stomach, the paper had ripped. Her face was no longer a smile, but distorted into a scream.  
My picture had been changed as well. Blue dots on my face translated to tears. My father, on the other hand, was still smiling, holding a small bundle in his hands. I saw the bundle move on the paper as I watched, and just when it was about to move to face me, a wild screech arose from my father's room down the hall.  
I closed my eyes and jammed my hands over my ears, the beating of my heart ringing against my palms as I tried to drown the screaming baby out.  
If only she had died instead of mother. I hated her. I hated them both.  
A light rumbling began in my ears. The one that comes when you strain too hard to ignore sounds. I pushed against my ears with my hands as it seemed the crying got louder. The sides of my head began to hurt, but I had to keep the noise out of my head. It made me so angry.  
"I like your picture."  
I stood up, my small chair falling roughly to the ground behind me.  
The voice that had sounded like it was right beside my ear belonged to Poe, my new neighbor, who currently stood over my desk to my right, closest to my door. The screaming had stopped  
I glanced at my picture hurriedly, ready to cover it up, until I noticed all that had changed about it hadn't. It was still the picture of me, my father and my mother.  
"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Poe gave a small smile in apology before he looked back down at the picture, and pointed to my heavily pregnant representation of my mother, "Was that your mom?"  
I nodded, still a bit startled from his sudden appearance.  
"She was very pretty." His dark eyes twinkled nicely when he looked back to me.  
"It's just a picture…" I mumbled, picking my chair up to avoid looking at him.  
"Yeah, but when you draw, you see that person for who they really are, right?" Poe spoke a million miles an hour, it seemed, and I was still in a bit of a trance.  
"I dunno." I shrugged, looking at anything in the room but Poe.  
"Come with me."  
Once again, Poe grabbed my hand and dragged me out of my room, down the hall and outside. This time, we didn't stop at any trees or admire any of the forest. Instead, I was dragged into the identical house next door to mine. Or at least he tried to.  
I caught the door frame of his house, stopping myself just outside.  
"What are you doing?" I was a little angry at this strange boy dragging me around like a puppy on a leash. I hardly knew him, yet he felt like he had full reign to do whatever he wanted with me.  
"It's been a whole month and I barely see you around or outside." Poe released my hand and crossed his arms at me, giving me a look.  
"And?" I questioned, confused by his own snarky demeanor.  
"So why don't you go outside?" He asked the question like it was the most obvious of questions to ask.  
"Because why do I need to go outside?" I argued back, raising my voice a little.  
"To play, duh." He rolled his eyes.  
"And who am I going to play with?" I grumbled to him. It was true. In the last month I had been here, I had met many children of varying ages around the neighborhood when their parents had come over to introduce themselves to my father, but none had ever seemed interested in knowing me, and in turn, I felt the same towards them.  
"Me." He said it so easily, I felt like I should slap him.  
"Why should I play with you? All you do is drag me around. That's hardly playing. Besides, I was fine by myself." I was growing more angry by the second.  
"It sure didn't look like it." He said quietly.  
My anger softened as his eyes did.  
We stood there in silence, and eventually I had to look away from his eyes, whether out of shame of him knowing I was miserable, or something else, I didn't know.  
"My mom says you blame your sister for what happened to your mom." Poe continued.  
"Can we talk about something else? Please?" I wanted to slam my hands over my ears again to drown out the words that came from Poe's mouth.  
"Well we can't play in the doorway." I looked up to see Poe beckoning me inside.  
I stepped inside tentatively, looking around. I'd never had a friend invite me over to their house before. Back in my old home, we lived in the city. I knew kids at school, and sometimes we would meet afterwards at a park, but living in the city meant small apartments and little room for play.  
"Ah, hello Sidra." Poe's mother, Shara, poked her head out from the kitchen where lovely smells wafted from. Her dark hair was up and she looked like she was busy, "I thought I heard you two arguing in the doorway. I'm not entirely sure what it was, but I feel like I should apologize for Poe anyway."  
"Why are you always apologizing for me for, mom. You'd think I was some kind of ill-mannered kid." He scoffed, following his mother into the kitchen.  
"Well…" Shara started in a high tone, stopping her work momentarily.  
"Moooom." Poe fell against Shara from behind and hung onto her waist in that obnoxious, overly touchy way kids got with their mothers. The way I had been with my mother.  
"Oh, Poe, would you get off." Shara, not expecting the sudden weight of her seven year old son, had stumbled and barely caught herself against the counter.  
Shaking her head, she turned back to me, setting a bowl down that she had taken from the refrigerator only moments before.  
"Would you like to help make dinner? Rule is: You help, you get some."  
I nodded my head before rushing over to the sink to wash my hands. Poe followed suit, spritzing water into my face from his fingertips. After I fired water back and dried my hands, I followed Shara's orders as we helped her make dinner. I wasn't entirely sure what it was, as this moon seemed to get strange imports that were quite different from the ones on my other home. What food my father had bought and made was relatively close to the meals I had had for most of my life back home.  
"Did you ever help you mother cook, Sidra?" Shara asked as she put some dishes into the oven, beginning to clean the counters of whatever mess Poe and I had made.  
"A little." I said lightly, picking up some dirty dishes to place them in the sink. I did so in a worried fashion- was I putting them where Shara wanted them? "This food's kinda different from what we got before."  
She made no indication that it was wrong, so I continued.  
"My mom makes such good food, you have to come over more and try more, okay?" Poe was rinsing the plates and putting them into a washer one at a time.  
"As long as I get to help." I said with a smile.  
"Oh, when did we get a daughter?"  
I turned around to see Poe's father, Kes, leaning against the door frame, watching us work. When he saw my face, a sudden realization hit his eyes.  
"Ah, Sidra, nice to see you again. I've seen your dad around town. Everyone's pretty glad for the new doctor. Everything going alright?" Kes made his way over to Shara and planted a kiss on her cheek in between a couple of his sentences.  
"Yeah. It's a little lonely at home, but I don't start school until next year." I leaned a little nervously against the counter, not wanting to be in anyone's way. Children back home started school at five, but here, the age was eight. My father explained that it all depended on the setting. In the city, people were more busy. You were more likely to have two parents who worked instead of one, whereas here in our new home, it was more likely to be out of a city, and work with the earth to grow foods. Having lots of kids and a stay at home mom for them to help made more sense.  
"Ah, you and Poe'll be starting school together next year. Poe can introduce you to all his friends." Shara said lightly, checking on the cooking food, "Poe, go set the table. And you-" She kissed Kes back on the cheek "-should go get ready for dinner."  
I stayed where I was as Poe and Kes departed, waiting for orders from Shara. Instead of getting the food, she leaned against the counter next to me, starting into the wall.  
"Your father says you're not very happy here." She started.  
I opened my mouth to retort, but she continued before I could say anything.  
"I don't think you're unhappy here. I think you're unhappy with your situation, which is understandable. You needed your time alone to recover, but your father is worried about you Sidra." I knew Shara had turned to look at me, but I left my gaze on a picture Poe had drawn, hanging on the wall opposite of where we stood, "You can come over here whenever you get sad. Sometime's when I get sad, I go talk to Poe or Kes, and they always make me feel better." She paused, "Well, sometimes. Sometimes they act like boys which only makes me angry, but I think that's better than being sad."  
I smiled at her jest and brought my eyes up to hers.  
"I'm here if you need anything. I know your father is a very busy man, and I know you don't like being around the baby. She looks like your mother, doesn't she?"  
I dropped my eyes once more, afraid she'd be able to read me like an open book. Like she already was.  
"I thought so. Don't get upset, I don't mean for you to get angry. I just want you to know that anything you can't tell Poe or your father, you can tell me, alright?"  
I nodded my head silently as Poe returned, announcing the table was ready.  
Shara ran a gentle hand through my hair.  
"Let's get something to eat."


	3. Baby I'm Scared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _*I only own the characters you do not recognize- I in no way own Star Wars*_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **To The Stars and Back  
> **  
>  Chapter Three; Baby I'm Scared  
> A Fanfiction written by TheObsessory  
> 

"Okay, now pull up gently."  
My hands were shaking as I held the large control of Shara Bey's A-Wing, flying above the treetops of Yavin 4, the moon that had been my planet for the last three months.  
Shara had seen me admiring Poe's lessons and had asked me right away if I had wanted to learn. I had been far too nervous and shy to accept to offer, despite Poe's pleading that his mother was the best and nothing would happen to me. It had taken her two long months of convincing before I found the courage to ask my father if it would be alright.  
But between my pleading eyes and Poe's famous pout, he reluctantly agreed.  
"I don't think teaching seven year old's to fly an A-Wing is exactly the best thing for them," I overheard my father telling Shara and Kes one night after dinner over at their house, "But I trust you. And Sidra really loves having you and Poe around."  
My father was often busy with my brat of a baby sister, Cerys, named after my late mother, and Shara knew right away that I despised being around her, so I was often invited over to their house for meals, play or to help with chores.  
Yes, chores. If I was going to practically live there, I was going to be pulling my own weight as well. But I didn't mind. Poe was always around to lighten my mood.  
"Very good Sidra. You're learning quickly." Shara gave me a small hug from behind, her own hand resting over mine to steady it.  
"It's… not as scary as I thought it would be. I was just worried about other people." I mumbled lightly, as Shara's hand helped guide the A-Wing back toward our homes.  
"But that's a good thing." She said lightly, concentrated on landing, "I would rather teach a girl who's worried for the safety of others than a girl who's reckless. Poe was a little reckless himself, but I sorted him out. And at least there's few targets in the forest." She added a laugh at the end, probably remembering a misadventure Poe had taken them on not too long ago.  
I stretched once my boots hit grass, glad to be out of the confined space of the cockpit.  
"You know I appreciate all you do around my house, Sidra." Shara placed an affectionate hand on my shoulder as we walked into her house, pulling me closer for a small hug, "And I hope you'll continue to help in these next few months. I wanted to take you out in the ship today because I won't be able to go again for a while."  
"Why, are you getting sick?" There was more worry behind my voice than was necessary, but I had greatly enjoyed my flight and had hoped to go back tomorrow.  
"No, no, it's just that Kes and I… we're expecting a baby and I don't want anything to happen while we're out flying." Shara said lightly, stepping away from me to open up the refrigerator.  
I stopped in my tracks the moment I heard the words leave her lips, my heart beat pounding in my ears. I saw something flash before my eyes and was frightened.  
"No, no, Shara you have to get that thing out of you!" I raised my vocie, my finger pointed straight at her belly. Had I not noticed? She was already showing. Like mother had been about a year ago. "Please, you have to! Get rid of it, it's going to kill you!"  
Shara had a small cup of water in her hand when she turned back around, her mouth opened in shock, her eyes looking at me up and down.  
"Sidra…" She said lightly, setting the cup of water on the gray counter near me before bending down to my level and taking my shaking, cold hands in her larger ones, "I know you're still upset about what happened to your mother, but it's very rare for mothers to die because of birth. Everything will be fine."  
Tears began to fall freely as I shook my head back and forth, knowing that what she was telling me was a lie. I could see it. And it was so real. Like the night my mother died.  
"You have to get rid of him." I gasped, my airways constricting in terror, "He's already killing you, I saw it! And if you don't kill him first, you'll both die!"  
"Sidra, please, you're scaring me, what are you-?"  
I pulled away from Shara and ran out of the house, my breathing coming in short, small gasps by the time I was in my room. I sat on my bed with my back to the door, trying to calm my breathing and shaking hands.  
I had seen a small stone grave marked at the bottom of the force sensitive tree. One with Shara's name carved into it. One that sat there for hundred's of years as the tree grew and the houses were built around it. A stone that time never lost. I had seen Shara die, mirroring the way my own mother had. Only this time, the baby wouldn't make it.  
There was a knock on my door once I had brought my breathing back down to normal. My father opened the door a crack.  
"I have to go get some bread. I'll only be a moment. Watch Cerys for me?"  
I nodded my head once at the door clicked shut.  
No sooner had my father closed the front door, Cerys's cry began loudly from his room. My fists bunched my sheets, ready so leap up to the sides of my head to stop the sound from entering.  
_"My mom says you blame your sister for what happened to your mom."_  
Poe's words rang softly with the babies cries. I took a deep breath to keep the years at bay.  
With small, but deliberate steps, I slowly left my room and went down the hall, the crying growing louder the closer I came. I was tempted to turn around an barricade myself back in my room, but I forced myself onward. My father's door was open with the small crib my sister slept in positioned near his large gray bed.  
I flipped the light switch on and stood near the crib, looking down at my baby sister.  
It wasn't often I looked at her. I couldn't. She looked so much like mother. I envied her. We shared the same light caramel skin tone that was a mixture of mother's dark and father's light, but with each day, Cerys became a little more darker like mother. Our hair and eye colors were nearly identical- we both had the dark brown hair and hazel eyes of our mother, father's light hair and light eyes completely forsaken. Cerys's nose was forming into the same hooked one mother had given me. But I hated her the most for her skin.  
As I watched her cry, I felt my anger growing, unable to supress it any longer. My resentment stabbed at my heart painfully. If only mother hadn't wanted another baby, she'd still be alive. We wouldn't have moved to this moon. I'd still have her to comfort me when I was sick and make my favorite foods. In that moment, another being slide into the room behind me. I knew who it was and took a deep breath to calm the pain that swept through my veins.  
"I've seen the faces you make when she starts crying." Poe murmured over the wails, stepping up to stand next to me by the crib, "Why do you hate her so much?"  
"She killed my mother." I said simply, watching her little fists thump against the bed in anger.  
"Did she ask to be born?" Poe wondered aloud.  
"No." I muttered softly.  
"Then what makes it her fault?"  
I licked my lip nervously, unsure of what Shara had or hadn't told Poe.  
"If your mother died and left behind a baby in her place, you wouldn't be angry at him? Not even a little bit?"  
"No. Not even a little bit." He smiled, poking my nose lightly with his finger, "Especially if she looked so much like my mom."  
I bit the inside of my cheek as I cautiously reached down into the crib toward my sister's outstretched fingers. My index finger touched the center of her palm and she instantly wrapped her smaller fingers around mine. Her crying began to stop, and she opened her tear stained eyes to look up at me. Instead the tears came to me. What would mother say, if I hated someone so innocent of the blame I had?  
We shared the look for a moment before hers closed once more and she fell asleep.


	4. My Fear is as Real as You Are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _*I only own the characters you do not recognize- I in no way own Star Wars*_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **To The Stars and Back  
> **  
>  Chapter Four; My Fear is as Real as You Are  
> A Fanfiction written by TheObsessory  
> 

I sat in the cockpit of my plane, zigging in and out of TIE fighters. My bright orange lasers blew straight through a TIE fighter to my right, setting it aflame before it exploded. My A-Wing crashed through the debris and I bounced around in my seat as floating pieces of metal hit my wings.  
"Steady, Sid!" Poe's voices crackled through my headset, "We have to make it to the Death Star in one piece!"  
"Yeah, yeah." I mumbled, destroying another TIE fighter zooming towards me.  
"Sid, look out, on your right!"  
The crackle of Poe's voice in my ear made me jump. My eyes searched the expanse of space for anything coming towards me.  
"Poe, I don't see anything to my right!" I called back into my mic, my eyes still scanning the stars.  
"That's cause I'm on your left!"  
I jolted to the right as Poe crushed me under the couch cushion that made up my left window. A couple of pillows muffled my angry screams as I kicked and pushed my way up from the cushions, Poe's laugh loud and triumphant.  
"You should have seen your face!" He cackled against the couch cushion he was previously crushing me with, his eyes nearly blocked by his dark curls.  
"You didn't see my dumb face 'cause I was crushed under your fat butt!" I growled, hitting him across the face with a small pillow.  
"Come on, I was just playing." Poe sighed in a more serious tone, pushing the hair from his face as he laid with his back flat on the carpet of his living room.  
"Yeah, well I don't want to play this anymore." I mumbled sourly, slumping onto the only cushion left on one of the couches. I had been having fun, imagining I was flying through space, helping Luke destroy the Death Star. But it seems like Poe had other plans.  
"What do you want to play then?" Poe asked, sitting up and crossing his legs.  
I nibbled at the bottom of my lip, looking around the room for some inspiration. Two thin, empty canisters sitting on a nearby table caught my attention and I raced for them, holding one in my hand and tossing the other to Poe.  
"Jedi Knights." I said solemnly.  
Poe jumped to his feet, a mischievous glint in his eye. I pretended to click a button on the side of the canister and made the "jowm" noise Shara had told us Luke's lightsaber made. Poe did the same.  
In an instant, we had both charged at one another, meeting in the middle of the living room with the hard plastic of the canister's screw top clacking in between. There were a few more whacks before Poe turned with a chuckle and began to run for something at the back of the living room.  
In my glee, I pretended to use the force to move the carpet underneath of him with my mind, using a wave of my hand to make it feel real.  
Surprisingly, the carpet jerked in the direction I had imagined it, taking Poe down with it. I watched in shock as Poe's head cracked against the side of an end table, his canister bouncing out of his hand and rolling back towards me.  
I took a few steps toward him in disbelief, unsure of what had actually happen.  
But Poe, ever the headstrong, idiot he was, bounced right back up from his fall and began searching for his "lightsaber".  
Seeing it at my feet, he glanced at me with a smile before he made a mad dash for it.  
In a split second decision, I pretended to grab him in a force choke.  
Poe stopped in his tracks, his eyes bugging wide as he grabbed for his throat, making gasping noises as he tried to breathe.  
At first I thought he was joking, playing along with me. I smirked in victory, pretending to slowly kill him. I raised my "choking" hand a little higher and he was on his tip toes. After a few more seconds of his gasping, I remembered the carpet had been a very real thing only moments before and dropped my hand, afraid I really was killing my best friend.  
Almost instantly, Poe dropped to his knees, his breath coming out ragged and hitched. I tossed my "lightsaber" aside onto some pillows as I dropped before him, tears coming to my eyes in fear.  
"Poe, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean-"  
Before I could realize it, Poe had lunged, knocking me to the ground as he straddled my waist, holding my wrists down with his own two hands.  
"Fooled ya!"  
I took a deep breath, glad that Poe had only been playing along.  
"Why were you apologizing, it's not like you're actually a Jedi Knight or Sith Lord. Only they're powerful enough do that with the force!" Poe rolled his eyes playfully, holding me underneath of him still.  
"No, I know, it's just… I don't know." I scrambled to make an excuse that didn't sound so stupid, but couldn't find one.  
"But yanking the carpet underneath me was kinda mean. Gave me a headache." He scrunched his eyes as he realized his head hurt. It was then that I noticed there was blood matted into the hair just above right eye.  
"Uh, Poe, you're bleeding." I raised my eyebrows, glancing between his eyes and the blood.  
"Your Jedi mind tricks won't work so easily, Sid." He chuckled with a shake of his head.  
It was my turn to roll my eyes. I squeezed my small wrist out of his grasp and pushed a finger into the area I thought the cut would be.  
"Ow!" Poe recoiled, bringing his own hand to the spot and drawing it back to see his fingers wet with blood, "Oh."  
"Yeah. 'Oh'." I pushed him off of me the rest of the way and walked into the kitchen.  
"Shara, Poe's bleeding on the carpet." I said nonchalantly, sitting on a stool near the counter.  
"Poe, you better not be!" Shara yelled into the living room, turning around to reveal a slightly larger than average belly. It was large enough to notice, but not yet large enough to realize she wasn't just gaining weight, but pregnant. It had only been about a month since she had told me, and she hadn't changed too drastically just yet.  
"Mooooooooooom." Poe called from the living room, "I might need stitches."  
Shara stopped in her tracks for a moment and closed her eyes, muttering something under her breath.  
"Go next door and see what Sidra's father says." She called back, resuming her previous task of drying a plate.  
Once the sound of the door closing reached their ears, Shara finished drying her plate, put it away and sat on the stool next to mine. I kicked myself inwardly for not going with him, forced now to sit with Shara.  
"Sidra… about what you said."  
We hadn't really talked about my storming out on her a month ago. In fact, I had been avoiding her for that very reason. But it looked like Poe wasn't around to save me this time.  
"I'm sorry, I won't say it again, I promise." I mumbled quickly, avoiding her eyes.  
"Sidra, you don't have to apologize. I understand you're still upset because of your mother-" Shara started softly  
"That's not why I said it." I stopped her, angrily. She had already said something like this before.  
"Then why did you say it?" She prompted after a few moments of silence.  
"Because, when you told me, I saw you die." My throat clenched tightly in anger, upset that she didn't believe me, "You and the baby. And I don't want you to die. I don't want you to die like my mother. I don't want you to leave Poe behind. Please don't leave me behind too."  
A couple of tears slid down my cheeks, my breath hitching in the back of my throat.  
"What do you mean you saw me die?" Shara asked, pulling me into a tight hug, her lips brushing across the top of my hair as she spoke.  
"I saw you die in your bed." I was getting worked up quite quickly, and my breathing came in small gasps, making me sick to my stomach, but I couldn't suppress the emotions that coursed through me so strongly, "I saw a grave -outside- next to the tree. With your name and the baby's."  
There was a moment of silence from Shara, hearing nothing as I remembered my vision, playing over and over again in my head. I had tried to forget it, but now I was sure it would never leave again.  
"What…" Shara started, stopped, took a deep breath and continued, "What do we call the baby?"  
"Kes named the baby." Did she believe me? I strained to remember small details, turning my mind's eye away from the things I didn't want to see, like the blood, "You died before you could. There's so much blood… He named the baby Bey after you. But he dies the next day."  
The vision I saw replaying in my mind was bleak and fuzzy. The details were muddled.  
"Please don't tell anyone." I cried out, suddenly nervous, "I shouldn't have told you."  
I felt extremely embarrassed, confiding in Shara that I had seen these things. What would father say if I told him I had been hallucinating? Calling it a hallucination make me sound like I was sick, crazy. But what other way to put it?  
"Shh, Sidra, if it makes you feel any better, I'll go to the doctor tomorrow and have him check everything out. And when he say's everything okay, I'll come straight to you and tell you and you'll have nothing to worry about, okay?" Silence, "Answer me, Sidra."  
"Okay." I whispered into her shoulder, but I had a feeling the doctor wouldn't catch what was wrong.


	5. Sleepless Nights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _*I only own the characters you do not recognize- I in no way own Star Wars*_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **To The Stars and Back  
> **  
>  Chapter One; Yavin 4  
> A Fanfiction written by TheObsessory  
> 

I couldn't sleep the night it happened. That should have been an omen.  
I laid in my bed, warm, comfortable, but unable to sleep. I hadn't had anything to eat or drink that would have done this to me and I hadn't slept in too late the morning before. I was perplexed.  
Instead, I laid in bed and looked around my room. It was dimly lit in case I had to get up in the middle of the night. While I did like sleeping in a completely dark room, in fact it was preferable, and had no fear of the darkness, I often had to get up to go to the restroom, and had had my fair share of facial collisions with the wall and the odd toe stubbed.  
I looked at my pictures that hung on the gray walls as I waited for sleep to take me.  
It had been five months since we moved to Yavin 4, and about eight months since my mother died. I was drawing again. A little for Shara and Kes, a little for my father and a little for Poe, but mostly for myself.  
I had made a new family now.  
There was always father holding little Cerys. She was getting old now- old enough to crawl and coo and smile -and she always smiled at me. Despite how much she looked like mother, and despite how sad I still got, I loved her. Whenever Shara, Kes and Poe came over, Shara went straight for Cerys. You could see how much she loved playing with her.  
Sometimes I even drew Shara holding Cerys in my family portraits. Shara, Kes and Poe were always part of them. I had asked my dad once about a month ago if he ever planned on remarrying. He told me no, so I didn't feel so bad making Shara and Kes and Poe part of our family. Kes was the dad that didn't have to be strict with me, Shara was the mother that had come to help me when the first one left. And Poe? I finally had a best friend, and he lived right next door.  
I saw him every day if I could. We were both really excited to start school. Sometimes Poe introduced me to his other friends; some of them I had met when their parents met my father, others lived further away. But none of them stayed for long.  
Poe called them his friends, but they never acted like it. I don't think they liked him all that much anyway. I never understood why. He was always so happy and friendly. He always made me laugh. Why couldn't he make them laugh?  
"Kohen!"  
I sat up to Kes's voice, knocked from my thoughts as the door slammed behind him. The hall light blinked on as Kes jogged by my door, dragging Poe along with him, heading towards my father's room.  
I got up from my bed and walked quickly after them, stopping cautiously in the doorway for a few moments before silencing my fears and going after them.  
By the time I got there, Cerys was crying, probably startled by the noise as well. Kes was speaking to my father very quickly as my father grabbed his glasses and started to put some shoes on.  
"-I don't know what's wrong, but she says she need you, Kohen, and the blood-"  
My father held up a hand, silencing Kes as he looked from me to Poe.  
"Sidra, can you do something for me?" He knelt before me very quickly, cupping my face with his hands, "Take Cerys and Poe into your room and don't let them leave. Keep them with you. Stay in the house. I'll be back soon."  
He kissed my forehead before he left with Kes.  
I felt my heartbeat pick up, remembering a very similar night eight months ago. My breathing started to come in ragged, but then I looked to Poe.  
The smile that had once held so much life was a thin line. His face was pale. His breath was quiet. He looked like a shell of himself. Had he seen...?  
Pushing my own thoughts aside, I picked up a whimpering Cerys from her crib and held her on one of my hips like I had seen Shara do with her so often and grabbed Poe's hand with my free one.  
I pulled him to my room and he followed silently.  
I laid Cerys on the middle of my bed and pulled the covers up, happy to see her already dozing once more.  
I looked back to see Poe standing where I left him, his eyes looking straight through me.  
"I'm scared Sid." He whispered.  
What could I do? What consolation could I offer him? I couldn't tell him everything was going to be alright because I couldn't lie to him. I knew the truth of it all. And I couldn't tell him that either.  
Instead, I walked slowly toward him, wrapped my arms under his and hugged him. It took him a moment, but he was soon hugging me back, his own arms wrapped around my shoulders. He held me tightly, his body shaking slightly. I could tell he was crying. My own grief began to overtake me and I began to cry as well, burying my face against his shoulder.  
I was losing another family member.  
After a few moments, Poe began to pull away, and I let him, even if I wanted to hold on a few moments longer.  
We both sniffed quietly as we rubbed our tears away.  
"Is it okay if I stay here tonight." He said quietly after glancing over to where Cerys slept on my bed.  
"There's room for all three of us."  
This was a slight lie. My bed wasn't nearly large enough for all three of us, but my father had been clear on what he wanted from me. And Poe didn't need to see what I had seen.  
Neither of us bothered with blankets as it wasn't particularly cold in the house. Poe curled around Cerys on one side of the bed and I on the other. We both stared into each others eyes for a moment in the dimness, searching for questions neither of us had answers to.  
"Can you tell me…" Poe started quietly, his eyes darted away from mine nervously as his fingers played lightly with Cerys baby curls, "What happened the night your mother died."  
I felt my throat constrict with mild terror, and I was unsure if this was what Poe needed to hear at this moment, but he had asked.  
"My father was working late that night." I started off in a whisper, "His hours were strange. Cerys wasn't due for another week and he thought mother would be fine. There was some complication, I don't know what happened, but it was very late. I was asleep for most of it. But then mother's yelling woke me up. I went to her room, and she was having the baby. But something wasn't right. She told me everything was going to be fine, but she lied to me. I told her I was scared and I wanted to call father, but she said there wasn't any time.  
The baby- Cerys was coming too fast. She was in so much pain. She was right, though. Cause before I knew it, she had pulled Cerys out. She was covered in blood and crying so loud and she looked so ugly." I stopped and sniffed, my vision blurred by the tears, "She handed her to me and I held her as mother cut the cord that was still attached to her. But by then she was so weak. I was still holding Cerys when I called father and told him what happened. He came as fast as he could with other doctors and medicine, but mother was gone. She left me behind to hold the baby."  
I pushed angrily at the tears with my knuckles, willing the memories to go away again. But the tears kept flowing.  
Poe caught and held my hand, squeezing it gently.  
"I don't want my mom to die." He whispered, a hint of tears on his voice as well.  
I squeezed his fingers back, my voice catching in my throat as I replied.  
"I don't want her to die either."  
It took us both a long time to fall asleep. And whatever sleep we got was restless.  
We were both woken up by Cerys, moving as the morning light broke through the window.  
The moment Poe's eyes opened, he launched himself from my bed, running for the front door.  
"Poe, wait!" I grabbed for Cerys, holding her a bit clumsily as I hobbled after him.  
Although I was much slower holding my baby sister, I found him banging on the front door of his house. It was locked, which was very strange.  
"Dad!" Poe's fist beat painfully against the door, causing Cerys to cry at the noise, "Mom!"  
"Poe stop." I tried to cover Cery's ear and push the other against my chest to drown out the sound, but the damage was already done and a great deal of crying was happening in my arms.  
The door opened rather quickly and Poe fell in the door, ready to race toward his parent's room, but Kes caught him.  
"Poe." Kes took his shoulders and held him in place, "You need to stop."  
Poe fell quiet as he leaned his head against his father's stomach, sobs wracking his body.  
"There was nothing either of us could do." Kes said softly after a minute, tears filling my eyes as well, "She died last night, Poe. And your brother was too small. Bey didn't make it."  
I felt a bolt of shock race through my body when Kes said the baby's name. Even if I knew, it was still a surprise. Poe turned to look at me over his shoulder, and the same shocked expression was set in his eyes.


	6. I Know Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _*I only own the characters you do not recognize- I in no way own Star Wars*_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **To The Stars and Back  
> **  
>  Chapter Six; I Know Now  
> A Fanfiction written by TheObsessory  
> 

“Alright, have a good week break and I’ll see you all bright and early on the next Primesday.”

The scuffling of papers began in the room as each student hurried to shove all of their materials into their bags to get home. In comparison, Poe and I were rather slow. Poe’s typical demeanor of smiles and jokes was solemn. 

It had been a whole year since Shara had died. It had been hard on both Kes and Poe to lose not only a wife and mother, but a potential son and brother as well. But they had both pulled through their sadness and anger with help from my father and I. I tried my hardest to give Poe everything he needed, whether it be space or time or a friend. But ultimately, all he wanted was my presence. He wanted normality, even if a piece of his normal life was now missing.

And so our lives as neighbors and best friends continued. We met nearly every day. He helped me with babysitting Cerys and I helped with chores around his house. Almost every meal was had at his house or mine with Kes, my father and Cerys. 

My family had been ripped apart, but we were still strong. Neither of us had mothers, but we had fathers who worked hard for us. At nearly eight, we were both very independent children. A stay at home mother was only necessary for Cerys, and once Poe and I began school, my father found a care place for children under five, and I dropped her there every morning and picked her up after school. 

“I can’t believe it’s been a year.” Poe mumbled as we walked in the warm sun. I still shivered at his words. “And two years for your mother.”

I smiled sadly.

“I guess it all happened for a reason.” I said lightly. Since Shara’s death, I had had to be the strong one for Poe. I could no longer lean on him for support for my own grief- well, that was a lie. If I had needed it, Poe would have offered. But I put my own grief aside, not grief for only one mother, but two, to help him. “If mother hadn’t died, we probably would never have moved here.”

“And who knows how dad and I would be without you.” He flashed a bright smile to me, bumping his shoulder against mine.

My father told me that once school began, things might change between Poe and me. He told me he might start being friends with more boys and I with more girls as children of our age were known to do. I was worried he might be right, but almost instantly, my fears were swept away. We had our various classmates we considered friends, and those we considered enemies, but Poe and I still did everything together: homework, class projects, etc. No person could come between us.

What had started out as a mere friendship had grown into a familial bond. 

“Sidwa!” I glanced up to see that we had come within sight of the small playground that stood in front of the care facility that Cerys stayed at during the day. 

My adorable little sister waited for Poe and I every day. 

She bounded a little uneasily beside us on the other side of the fence as we walked towards the gate, her hands pretending to grab for Poe’s. 

I picked her up the moment her caregiver had opened the gate for us, twirling her around and planting a kiss on her soft cheek.

“Did you have a good day, Cerys?”

She nodded her head enthusiastically at the both of us, her dark eyes bright in the sunlight. At nearly two years old, she had a few choice words she was fond of like “no” and “food” and “yes” and was even beginning to form small sentences, but she was still quiet for her age. She did, however, know our names.

“Poe!” She squealed, practically falling out of my arms and into his to hug him tightly. 

“You act like you never see him.” I said with a roll of my eyes as Poe held him close.

“I’m obviously the favorite, Sid, no need to be jealous!” That mischievous glint had returned to his eyes as he stood Cerys on the ground, and I flicked a few strands of his hair into his face in retaliation. 

I took Cerys’s small left hand in mine while Poe took her right one and we continued our short journey home. Cerys bounced along happily, greatly lightening the mood with her giggles and squeals.

“I have something to show you when we get home.” Poe told me, his eyes on Cerys as we walked.

Once within sight of our homes, Cerys released both of our hands and ran straight for some of the toys in the lawn that she played with when she got home every day. 

Once occupied, Poe grabbed my hand and pulled me along through the grass, telling me to close my eyes.

I smiled as I obeyed, remembered the first time I met this strange, obnoxious boy, pulling me around like a pet. 

“Open them.”

I was surprised to find myself standing at the force sensitive tree, the light glow that I had seen all those months ago had grown a little stronger. 

I felt my heart miss a beat as I looked down to the roots of the small sapling to find a small stone resting there with Shara and Bey’s names carved into the rough gray surface.

My hands turned ice cold as I dropped Poe’s hand and looked to him in shock. He didn’t seem that surprised.

“I heard you that night.” He confessed after a few moments, dropping gently to his knees in the grass to put a hand over Shara’s name, “I heard you talking to my mom. Everything you said came true.”

I stood there silently, shivering in the shade of the forest. Where had all the warmth of the sun gone in the last few seconds?

Poe looked over his shoulder at me, a pained expression on his face.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

I looked around the forest uneasily.

“Stop doing that!” Poe jumped to his feet, pushing his face right into mine and holding my cheeks in his hands, causing me to look him in the eyes, “I hate when you do that, when you look anywhere but my eyes like you can run away from the questions I’m asking, because you can’t!”

There were a few more moments of silence before he gently shook me once, anger flaring his nostrils, “Answer me!”

“I was afraid Poe!” I yelled back at him, tears starting once again. Tears that I had stopped for a year now, “What was I supposed to tell you? ‘Poe, your mom is going to die like mine, enjoy the time you have with her’? ‘Poe I saw the future and it’s actually happening’? I didn’t want it to happen!” Tears blocked my view, but I made my eyes stay on his, despite my discomfort, “I loved Shara. I told her to get rid of the baby because of it, and she didn’t listen. I didn’t even know if what I was seeing was real or just because of my own mother! I didn’t know-” 

Poe pulled me into a tight embrace as I sobbed into his shirt, whispering every once in awhile, “I’m scared, Poe.”

“That day we were playing over a year ago.” He whispered into my ear, “When you looked so shocked because you thought you really used the force choke on me. Did you move the carpet with the force?”

“I don’t know!” I cried, bunching my fists against his shirt angrily, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me!” 

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Sid.” Poe squeezed me gently, “You’re just force sensitive… like the tree.”

“I don’t want this.” I shook my head against his chest, “I just want to be normal.” 

“Sid, you’re my best friend.” He whispered back into my ear, “You’re fine just the way you are.”


	7. Please Don't Change This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _*I only own the characters you do not recognize- I in no way own Star Wars*_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **To The Stars and Back  
> **  
>  Chapter Seven; Please Don't Change This  
> A Fanfiction written by TheObsessory  
> 

“Happy Birthday!”

I stood in front of a small frosted cake, my name sprawled in curly orange icing and fifteen candles dripping wax toward the sugary concoction my father had attempted to make. 

A wide smile pulled at my cheeks- it almost hurt how much I was smiling. 

It was a small party- one might call it a family matter. Cerys sat on her knees in the chair across from me, her long thick hair blocking parts of her face. Even so, it was like looking into the past. From eyebrow shape to hooked nose, had we been but a few years apart and not six and a few months, one might think us twins. But as I had guessed would happen, Cerys was given mother’s darker skin, hair and eyes.

Next to me stood my father, the small fires reflecting in his glasses. His dirty blond hair was slowly growing gray in places, and each day he sported a new wrinkle. But his smile surpassed his age, and reminded me of when I was younger. 

And the last two honorary members of my family stood to my right. Kes Dameron, like my own father, was graying along the edges, and was a little more apparent in his dark hair, but it was befitting of him. Lastly was Poe, my best friend of nearly eight years. He had sprouted up quickly, and was much taller than I was. His long curls had been hacked back along the sides, but grew longer in the middle. Each day he looked more and more like Kes

The force sensitivity that Poe had determined I had all those years ago had been kept a secret between the two of us. In fact, there really had been no reason to tell either of our father’s. I couldn’t recreate the pull of the rug I had done and had had no new visions or sights from the future. But then again, there had been no major deaths since Shara and Bey. 

In an instant, I blew out the candles, the lights of the dining room turning on so we were able to see. My father gave me a large hug, lifting me off the ground momentarily. 

“Fifteen years.” He said in astonishment after setting me back on my feet, “If only your mother could see you now.” 

“Both mother’s.” Kes chimed in from somewhere behind me.

I hugged and thanked everyone for the wishes and kind words I had been given, as well as the couple of gifts. Gifts were typically given at momentous Birthday’s, like one, five, ten, thirteen and then twenty one. But sometimes traditions were broken.

Once the cake had been cut and served, Poe pulled me aside.

“I still have to give you your gift, Sid.” He whispered to me, pulling me, yet again, out of my house and into the fading sunlight. 

“Pulling me again.” I chuckled, “Couldn’t this wait till after cake? You know my father’s been trying at every Birthday, and I think this year he finally made something edible.”

“Cake can wait. This cannot.” 

I was dragged rather unceremoniously toward Shara’s old A-Wing that still sat in the long grass near Kes and Poe’s home. 

Poe began climbing up into the cockpit, signalling me to follow. Once he had reached the seat, he tossed down a large jacket. 

“What do I need this for?” I pulled the jacket off of my face where Poe had dropped it, slipping it on when my arms were free. Yavin 4 was known for its humidity and tropical weather. It wasn’t cold in the slightest.

“Just trust me.” Poe had sat himself down snugly in the cockpit, a jacket around his own shoulders. 

I looked down at him, one eyebrow raised.

“And where exactly am I going to sit?”

With that ever mischievous glint in his eye, Poe patted his lap.

With a roll of my eyes and a shake of my head, I clamored into the A-Wing and sat gingerly on Poe’s lap, my back pressed against his chest. 

“Tight squeeze.” I chuckled, hoping I wasn’t hurting him. 

But Poe jumped into pilot mode, shutting the top window and starting the engine. Although his mother, the pilot of this A-Wing, had long since passed away, Poe had learned enough from his mother in the two years she was able to teach him, and taught himself the rest.

Once everything had been turned on, he leaned back, his arms resting at his side.

I looked over my shoulder incredulously, my mouth agape.

“You don’t expect me-” I started, holding my hands up.

“I do expect you.” Poe grabbed my hands with his own and placed them on the controls, holding his fingers over mine to keep them there.

“Poe, your mother took me out once. When I was seven. You can't possible expect me to remember any of what she taught me.” I tried to pry my hands away, but he was resilient. 

“Of course not. That’s why I’m reteaching you. Now pull up.”

Taking a deep breath, I pulled up on the control, feeling the A-Wing leave the ground.

“This is the dumbest-” I started off in a whisper, shaking my head as my two pony tails knocked against my shoulders. 

“Shut up and fly the ship.” Poe commanded in my ear. 

I don’t know why I had been that worried. A-Wing’s were relatively easy to control, or at least that’s what Shara, the experienced pilot, told me all those years ago. Poe’s hands never left mine, and whenever I faltered, he took control, if only for a moment. 

We flew high over the treetops of the jungle, leaving our small settlement behind and racing deeper into the unknown. At one point, the trees began to grow further apart than the jungle that surrounded our homes, and Poe gently brought us down between them. 

We zoomed in and out of them, dodging them with laughs and close calls. Despite every nerve in my body screaming for me to get out, I felt unbelievably calm and safe sitting there with Poe. And, if he was being obnoxious, I could easily smack him in the neck with the back of my head.

From the sparse forest, Poe took the controls over, flying us up a small mountain. It was high, as we began to fly through a dense cloud bank.

“Are you ready?” He whispered in my ear as we flew through the clouds.

I had no time to answer, as the moment we broke through the puffy white clouds, we were at the top of the mountain. The blanket of clouds hid all view of the rest of the mountain or the jungle that was growing up it. The sun was just beginning to fall beneath the horizon of white as Poe opened up the top and we jumped out. 

Now I understood the jackets. Although all wind was gone, a chill was in the air. Being so high up also made for thin air, so I was careful not to over exert myself.

I sat down on the cool stone, my back resting against one of the wheels of the A-Wing. 

“How did you find this?” I asked, Poe sitting next to me, shoulders bumping as he too leaned against the wheel. 

“You’d be amazed what you find when you’re not looking for it.”

I felt his eyes on me, but I couldn’t take my eyes off the sunset. The sea of white clouds around us reflected every color off of the sky, hues of oranges, purples, pinks and yellows. The sun set quickly, but once it had gone, the beauty that had once been there did not fade. Slowly, the stars began to twinkle out into the darkness of space, now visible with the bright sun gone from sight. 

I pushed myself further out on the stone and laid on my back, Poe following suit, and we laid there together, looking up at the stars. 

“Thank you so much Poe.” I breathed, my eyes trying to memorize each and every star.

“Sometimes when I miss mom, I come up here and lay under the stars, and I remember all the stories she told me of when she was a pilot up there. I want to go there, I want to see every star, I want to fly forever.” He paused here, taking his eyes off of the night sky, “And I want you to come with me Sid.” 

I knew the moment he said it, what he meant. But my pounding heart told me this wasn’t right. 

“Of course I’ll come with you, Poe. To pilot school. We always talked about becoming Pilots together just like your mom was.” I played it off silently. Perhaps the tone I had heard him take was wrong, “Like we always played.”

“Sidra.” My head rolled over to look him in the eye, and I knew that what I had heard was correct. 

The tip of his nose bumped mine before his lips ever reached me. 

The kiss was tender. New. Different. But wrong. 

I pushed away, my eyes never leaving his. 

“Why did you do that.” It wasn’t until then that I realized I had been holding my breath. 

“Sid-”

“You’re my best friend, Poe.” I sat up, but my eyes stayed latched on to his. I still often avoided eye contact in sticky situations, whether it be with my father, Poe or a teacher. But I had a point to make. “We’ve seen each other every day for the last eight years. Your mother took me under her wing when my own wasn’t around, you’ve helped me raise my little sister-”

“That’s why I thought…” He trailed off, having sit up as well. I could see a pain in his eyes. 

“That’s why you thought what? That because I was giving you attention, I should give you more?” I realized how much my words hurt. I could see each one burying in him like a shard of glass. 

“I guess I thought wrong.” He said quietly.

It was time to mend what had been broken. Time to make things how they had been. 

“You’re my best friend.” I sighed, hugging him, our jackets scratching against each other, “I just don’t want that to change.”

He grunted with a pat to my back and we both got up to leave.

Unbeknownst to Poe, I was a mess inside. My pulse stayed fast, tears threatened to spill, I had to pinch my palm the entire flight back to keep from saying anything.

Truth be told, I was terrified. He was my best friend. How could he want to change that? To take that away from me? What if something happened, what if he didn’t like me as much as he thought? What if he started to hate me? What if I lost him, my best friend in the entire galaxy? 

It was hard to imagine a day without Poe.

But instead of voicing my concerns, we both stayed silent. These wounds would take a while to mend properly.


	8. Time to Fly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _*I only own the characters you do not recognize- I in no way own Star Wars*_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **To The Stars and Back  
> **  
>  Chapter Eight; Time to Fly  
> A Fanfiction written by TheObsessory  
> 

The wounds had been made, but they had not been so deep. I think the both of us were in similar boats: we were each other's best friends. Who else was there to confide in but each other? It was a shaky start, knowing that things had been said that could not be taken back. I could see the frustration he felt at the initial rejection grow into embarrassment, and for a few days, he tried to avoid me. But emotions had been hidden, packed away. Friendship remained and we grew in parallel.

Primary school was nearly over. It was time to make my decision. Poe knew where his life was leading- he had known since the moment he stepped into his mother’s A-Wing at age six. My choice was not nearly as easy.

But Poe helped me with that.

Staying true to his word, Poe taught me all that he knew about the A-Wing he had practiced in for years. Had there been two, we would have enjoyed flying together through the jungles of Yavin 4, and possibly even ventured out of the atmosphere. But with only one, we took turns.

I was shaping up to be a decent pilot, but I was still leagues behind Poe. While I loved flying, Poe lived for it. He truly was his mother’s son. And watching Poe learn and grow into the pilot he had told me he would be upon our first meeting inspired me more and more to follow in his footsteps. 

“Do you think that’s wise?” Cerys asked me one night as we talked. I had told her of my plan to go with Poe to pilot school. 

“What, to do something I enjoy?” I mumbled back sarcastically. I leaned against the couch’s armrest, watching my sister formulate her words. Cerys, now ten, was wise for her age, but we did not often see eye to eye.

“Following Poe around.” She corrected, her foot prodding me in my side, “For as long as I can remember, it’s always been you and Poe against the galaxy.”

“And?” I questioned, not getting the jist of what she meant.

“Don’t you want to be your own person?” She asked quietly. 

“What’s that supposed to mean? I am my own person. Does Poe draw? Does he read-”

“But you two are always together and you’re not even a couple. What happens when either one of you gets someone like that? What happens when either of you get married? You two don’t know what it’s like to be apart.” 

I opened my mouth to retort, but found no answer coming forth, mildly uncomfortable at the mention of relationships. 

Of course she was right. But neither of us had ever shown interest in being apart. We had had our spats in the past, but we were both forgiving people. Our anger did not last.

“It will happen when it happens.” I reassured her, although I was not confident in my own words. 

“I know you both have been through a lot.” She continued, more confident in her own words than I was, that much I was sure, “What with moving here and his mother dying, and I know I can’t understand the bond you two share because of all that, but this is going to end one of two ways: you guys are going to end up resenting one another for the rest of your lives when you’re finally apart, or you’re going to have to marry him.”

I felt my jaw drop, a smug look on my sister’s face.

“Both of those options are out of the question!” I snapped back, “You’re ten, you don’t know everything about-”

“Yeah, but I’ve read enough books.” She chuckled. 

“This is real life, Cer.” I corrected her, “There aren’t just two options. Besides… I don’t think I can say goodbye just yet.”

I’m sure Cerys had more to say, but she was interrupted by Poe, who jogged into the living room out of breath.

“Ah, we were just talking about you-”

“What’s up Poe?” I spoke loudly over my sister, sending the most obvious glare I could in her direction.

Poe held up two letters, one in each hand, panting to regain his breath and completely oblivious to our conversation.

Sending letters was extremely old fashioned and rare nowadays, and was used mostly for-

“Our school letters!” I gasped, jumping to my feet and grabbing for the one with my name on it. 

Poe held it out of my reach, now a whole head taller than me, but eventually allowed me to rip it from his grasp. 

“Ladies first.” He motioned to me. I didn’t need a second invitation. 

I ripped the completely sealed envelope open, my eyes skimming the entire page as I mumbled aloud, “Dear Ms. Van… inform you… in need of congratulations… start the next school year-” I glanced from Poe to Cerys, “I’m in!”

Cerys jumped up and hugged me with a few words of congratulations, but I looked to Poe, unable to celebrate just yet.

“Sid, if I didn’t make it…” He started, holding the letter tightly in one hand, “You’re still going. I don’t care if I’m not going to be there, you’re not passing this opportunity up.”

“Idiot, if I made it in, so did you!” I told him, laughing my words out. All that was needed to apply was a general test about flying, star navigation, various models of ships and proof of passing primary school. We, of course, studied together. 

“Promise me.” He looked serious, so, rather reluctantly, I mumbled, “Promise.” 

Taking a deep breath, he carefully ripped open his own, his eyes meticulously reading every word. Once he had reached the end of the page, he looked at me slowly, folding the message up as he did so.

“What!” I screeched, stealing the note from his hands before he could stop me. And of course, he had an identical letter with the name “Mr. Dameron” instead, “You lying son of a-”

Poe took the letters from my hands and tossed them in the air, picking me up and spinning around, “We made it!”

We laughed together, my arms tight around his neck as to not fall from the spinning. I could hear Cerys cheering in the background, but the words were drowned out by Poe’s chuckles in my ear. We made it. Hopefully Shara and my mother were watching and just as happy as we were. 

“We have to go celebrate.” Poe stated, setting me down.

“One more month until I’m eighteen and then I swear, we’ll celebrate all night long.” I laughed.

“Can we do the kind of celebrating that I can help in?” Cerys’s hands were on her hips, an annoyed look painted on her face. 

“Of course.” Poe picked her up in a hug and planted a small kiss on her cheek, “What kind of celebration would it be without you?” 

Once he had tossed a giggling Cerys onto the couch, he retrieved our letters from the floor and handed me mine. 

“As much as I’d love to giggle with you two a little more, I think I should go tell my dad.” Poe excused himself, dodging a pillow I chucked at him for the giggling comment. 

“Well, looks like the decision’s already been made.” Cerys said after a moment, “But I’m proud of you.” 

Pretending to reach down to hug her, I toppled onto her instead, crushing her under me as I tickled her sides. 

The decision had already been made, long before she had had any say in it. Friends didn’t leave friends behind, and we were going to conquer the stars together.


	9. Welcome to Kolaador

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _*I only own the characters you do not recognize- I in no way own Star Wars*_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **To The Stars and Back  
> **  
>  Chapter Nine; Welcome to Kolaador  
> A Fanfiction written by TheObsessory  
> 

I sat the last container on the floor near the bunk bed that I would soon be sleeping in, sweat dripping from my brow in exhaustion. 

“Are you sure that’s everything?” 

I glanced toward my father, rubbing the shoulder of my sleeve along my cheek to capture any free moisture.

Poe and I were finally here, on the planet of Kolaador, to begin our training as pilots. The Pilot Training Center here had once been used for the Alliance to train new starfighter pilots, but had since been turned into an ordinary school for pilots of all fields, be it commercial or military based. 

I could hardly believe the history I was experience, walking the halls of the buildings once inhabited by those who fought in the Galactic Civil War. Poe’s mother Shara had also been a graduate of this school. 

My heart throbbed silently for her. She would have been so proud of Poe. 

“Yeah, I think so.” 

Both my father and sister Cerys had come along to help me move what little things I brought- Kes did as well, but he was busy with Poe, of course. 

My father glanced at the watch on his wrist, sadness drawing his eyebrows together.

“Probably best if we catch the next ship.”

With a small smile, I hugged him tightly, closing my eyes to savor the moment and memorize everything about him. It would be a while until I flew back home. 

Once I had pulled away from him, Cerys jumped into my arms, tears already glistening in her eyes. Poe and I were as much her parents as my father and Kes were. We were the only family she knew for the bulk of her short life.

“Keep Poe out of trouble.” Cerys sniffed.

“Go tell him so yourself- he’d skin you alive if you left without saying goodbye!” I rubbed the tears off of her cheeks and then pushed her toward the door where my father stood. 

With one last glance my way, they wandered down the halls toward the boys part of the bunkers. 

I took a few moments to glance around my room. I would be sharing it with one other girl- who, however, I was uncertain. I had been scheduled to move in first. 

The room was a decent size. Two beds, one bunked on top of the other, sat against one of the walls. There was a bathroom that linked our room to the one next to it with a small sink, shower and toilet for the four of us to share. There was a small closet built into one of the walls as well as a couple of chairs and drawers.

Our view from the window wouldn’t be that pleasant, although I couldn’t imagine it would be anywhere. Kolaador was an empty, dry planet with giant crystal’s sprouting from the dirt. Not a tree was in sight, nor anything green for that matter. 

I was just about to start unpacking when there was a light knock on the doorframe. I glanced up to find Kes there, yet another sad smile to see. 

“Poe’s doing just fine?” I asked as I came over to hug him tightly.

“You know Poe. He was ready to come here the moment Shara died.” He patted my back gently, gripping me tightly once more before pulling back, “You keep him in line.”

“Funny how everyone expects me to be babysitting Poe.” I laughed half-heartedly, knowing very well I would be.

“Yeah, well one of you has to be the brains.” Kes laughed back, “Don’t be a stranger.”

And with that, he was gone.

I contemplated starting to get my room into order, but there were still a few hours of daylight left, and my roommate wouldn’t be moving in until tomorrow, so I decided to check up on the baby in mention.

I wandered down the long, clean halls of the building our rooms were located in, every once in awhile glancing in an open room to see some sad goodbyes or a new student organizing their room. A few waved to me as I passed, and I offered a smile in return.

The boys section was a bit more rowdy, which was to be expected. You could already see different friendships starting and groups forming. The boys were a little less upset about the lack of family.

I found Poe’s room at the very end of the boys hall, and was unsurprised to find the door open with a few girls looking longingly in.

As we grew, Poe got more handsome. I would often see a girl in our class doodling Poe’s name in a notebook, or come in from lunch to find a note filled with hearts sitting on his desk. 

Since our mountaintop adventure, Poe had started showing interest in girls we knew, but I wasn’t informed of his relationships nor wanted to be. That aspect was the only shadow between us.

“Ah, the most important girl of them all.” 

I found Poe with a good three of four girls in his room, all chatting away and asking him questions, like where he was from. 

The mention of a more important girl caused a few horrendous looks in my direction.

But the others took a hint and soon trickled out of his room with a few heartfelt goodbyes and sighs.

“Popular, are we?” I questioned, closing the door behind the last girl who took her sweet time going away. 

“What can I say? I got my father’s good looks.” Poe said a bit too smugly, leaning back in his chair.

It was then that I noticed there was only one bed present in his room.

“You lucky bastard, you got a single room didn’t you?” 

There were only a couple for both the boys and girls. I had considered it, but figured having a roommate wouldn’t be so bad.

Poe’s smug grin remained on his face.

“Well if my roommate sucks, can I come live in here?” I signed, falling into the other chair and pulling my knees up to my chest to hug them. 

“As long as you like sleeping on the floor.” 

“Har har.” I mumbled back, admiring his room. It was nearly identical to mine with the omittance of one bed, “Cerys and father came to say goodbye?”

“Of course.” Poe was unpacking a few things as he spoke, tossing things on the bed and floor as he went, “I still can’t believe Cer’s ten. I remember back when she was a screaming baby and you hated her.”

“You never once hated Bey?” I questioned, practically out of the blue. I had never thought to ask since the chat we had before Shara died.

Poe paused in his unpacking, his back to me. 

“Bey was never a real thing to me like Cerys was to you.” He stated after a moment, not bothering to turn around. He continued in his work, “It was different.”

It wasn’t hard to read Poe Dameron. He was an awful liar.

“So that’s a yes?” 

“Of course I hated him Sid. It’s one thing that your mom died to bring a new life into this galaxy, but mine…” He had finally turned to look at me, his face thoughtful and confused, “It was for nothing.” 

“You saw the way she looked at Cerys, Poe.” I regretted the topic at hand; today was not a day to be sad, even if we were saying goodbye to our families, “She wanted to have a baby.”

“I wasn’t enough?”

“No, but you were old. And babies are more fun than teenagers, and I think she wanted the cute baby while you went through your emo stage.”

“Emo stage?” Poe shot back with a look of disdain, “I wore all black once and you have the nerve to call it an emo stage?!” 

“Gotta finish packing, see you later!” I darted out of his room, hearing a loud ‘Sidra Van!’ follow me out. 

I chuckled the whole way back to my room, and was confused to find the door wide open when I returned.

I glanced in to find another girl maneuvering around my things as she brought hers in, not another soul in sight.

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry.” I ran in and started scooting my things around, trying to make a path way, “You must be Ulani, I was told you weren’t moving in until tomorrow, I would have made room-”

“It’s Lani.” She interrupted, tossing her current box onto the bottom bed with a huff and turning to face me

Oh.

She was Zeltronian- her crimson skin, deep blue black hair and humanoid features attested to that. She was rather beautiful despite the outlandish colors. A couple of Zeltronian’s had been in my class back on Yavin 4, but they often kept to myself.

“Bottom bunk is mine- quick question. Are you going to want your half of the closet, because if not, I will gladly take if off your hands. Do you snore? Because if you do, don’t even bother unpacking. Also, do you always look like that?”

It took all my power not to drown her out. I could already tell this was going to be a long year.


	10. You Should See The Other Guy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _*I only own the characters you do not recognize- I in no way own Star Wars*_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **To The Stars and Back  
> **  
>  Chapter Ten; You Should See The Other Guy  
> A Fanfiction written by TheObsessory  
> 

It had been two months since starting pilot school. 

Having a roommate had been a terrible mistake. It was frustrating seeing Poe’s lack of stress about entering his own room. I never knew what I was going to walk in on. Or what I was waking up to, for that matter. 

But with that exception, everything was going well. Classes were interesting. There was a lot of “necessary” classes I despised- one couldn’t just go to school to become a pilot. One needed to know Chemistry, math, history and the likes. Some courses were enjoyable while others were just a pain to sit through.

Poe and I took many similar classes, as we were on the same track, which was helpful as he had always excelled in the math and sciences and my forte was history. 

“Shhhh, I think my roommate is asleep!” 

The loud whisper woke me from my nap almost instantly.

“What?” The next voice didn’t even bother trying to be quiet.

“I said I think my roommate is asleep!” Lani’s voice raised an octave.

“No, I’m not.” I sat up and pushed the blankets aside. I shivered lightly as I made my way down the ladder, blinking myself awake, “Give me two seconds and I’ll be out of your hair.” 

Lani and her most recent fling waited impatiently as I quickly ran my fingers through my hair to free any tangles that had formed, tied the thick locks into my usual two pony tails and then threw my boots on.

With a glance to the clock, I noticed it was nearly time for dinner. At least one good thing had come from Lani waking me. 

I had gotten about an hour and a half nap, exhausted from the early hours my classes had been at. I was anything but an early bird. 

I quickly exited my room and closed the door behind me, making a mental note to not return until much later. 

My feet followed the often used path toward Poe’s room, but I stopped more often than not to chat with some fellow classmates about lectures and homework that had been assigned. 

For the most part, everyone was preparing to have a night of partying, as tomorrow, Benduday, was the only day classes were not held. 

Once I had finally made it to his room, I opened the door easily, as was my custom.

There was a rush of noise in the room as Poe quickly turned away from facing the door.

“Could you knock?” The obnoxious tone in his voice was surprising. I always entered without knocking. 

“No.” I said, matter of factly, plopping down onto a nearby chair. Poe kept his face turned away from me. 

With a questioning eye, I got up quietly and grabbed the back of Poe’s chair to swivel it around to face me.

“What did you do this time?” 

Poe’s nose was a bloody mess. Blood leaked from both nostrils and dripped around his mouth and onto his lips, despite his right nostril being stuffed with a tissue. A nice purple bruise was already forming under his right eye and his lip was cut and bleeding as well. 

“You look like shit.” I grabbed one of his towels in the joined bathroom he shared with two other boys, sticking it under the faucet to dampen it. 

“Yeah, well you should see the other guy.” He mumbled, glaring down at his torn up knuckles proudly.

This wasn’t the first time I had found Poe bloody and bruised, but this was by far the worst.

“Yeah, well I don’t care about the other guy.” I sat in his lap easily, taking his chin with my left hand as I began to wipe away the blood, being as gentle as I could be.

Poe had a problem with authority. He was usually pretty good at pushing his rash thoughts away when it came to teachers and professors, but often stood up to bullies or those who deemed themselves in charge of the other students just because they were bigger or because a few others followed them like gods. 

“So?” My head shook gently in question as I worked on his nose. It didn’t look broken, but was definitely a tad bit more crooked than it had been before.

“So what? You know who did this.” Poe grumbled, his fingers picking at the edge of my shirt in annoyance, fingers brushing at my skin.

Wym Sundt had been a constant bully to nearly everyone who wasn’t in his group of friends since the first day. Although not the brightest in an intelligent sense, he was a soldier, and listened when told what to do, and did it without question.

“So what did you do this time that he didn’t like? Breathe? Exist?” I scowled, nearly finished. Some blood stains still remained, but were rather hidden in his stubble. 

“Eh, I might have been flirting with Cherny.”

My scowl deepened as my hands dropped away from his face.

“So you flirted with his girlfriend and expect nothing to happen? God, Poe, I thought you were smarter than that.” 

“She started it.” He said exasperatedly, “You wouldn’t understand. I haven’t even seen you so much as glance at a single guy here. Why’s that?”

It was in that uncomfortable moment that I noticed how close we were, what with me sitting on his lap. Normally the close proximity and his fingers against my skin wouldn’t bother me, but now-

“If you hadn’t noticed,” I stood up and began to rinse the blood stained towel in sink, glad to get away from him and breathe, “There are a lot of dim-witted ones in this crowd.”

“Intelligence doesn’t matter if they’re good looking.” Poe was touching tenderly at his nose.

“If that’s the stance you take, you’re dumber than you look.” I mumbled under my breath, even though I knew he could hear me.

“Obviously not in a serious relationship, Sid, come on.”

I glanced over to him and we shared a look. 

“Yeah well.” I finally had to look away, his gaze winning once again, “That’s not for me.”

Silence fell between us, the usual for this kind of conversation.

“Come on, let’s get something to eat before that idiot Wym shows up.” I hung the towel on a rack and made my way toward the door, Poe following silently behind.

“Does my nose look ugly to you?”

I turned around, walking backwards to get a decent look at his face. I flashed a wide eyed face and turned around with a whistle.

“Siiiiiiid-” He started to whine.

“You can hardly tell anything happened.” I laughed picking up my pace to put distance between the two of us in case he tried anything. And I wasn’t lying. With the exception of the split lip and purple bruise, I had done a decent job of cleaning him up. 

We found the cantina nearly empty, which I was glad for. I couldn’t stand half the students here, and found it difficult enough to go to class with them. 

We were handed our trays with today's meal- some bread, mystery meat, water, a carton of blue milk, and some various other snacks. We found our usual booth at the back of the cantina cleaned and untouched. 

We ate silently with the odd remark about class here and there. 

“Shit.”

I glanced up to see Poe looking over my shoulder, a grumpy look shining clear in his eyes.

“Dameron and Van, eating together again.”

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, tossing my fork down onto my plate in defeat. Just when I thought we could have a peaceful meal.

“Ah look, it’s Wym surrounded by some testosterone to boost his own.” Poe said nonchalantly, pushing his plate away as he leaned against the edge of the table.

Wym was flanked on both sides by two of his lackeys, neither of which I knew by name. He was a large, muscular guy. Pale of skin, short of hair with green eyes, a broad, flat nose and a resting glare. I could see a few bruises forming on his face from the earlier brawl.

“Poe.” I flashed him a look. He didn’t need to alter his nose shape any more.

“Yeah, listen to your girlfriend Dameron.” One of the lackeys laughed, earning a look of praise from Wym. What was this, primary school?

“I’m not his girlfriend, but thanks for telling him to listen.” I glanced back to Poe, “Maybe it’ll work.” 

“Not his girlfriend, eh?” Wym yanked painfully at one of the pony tails sitting over my shoulder closest to him, “I always see you two together. Unless Dameron’s busy getting his ask kicked.”

“I’m sorry, but could you not touch me.” I said seriously, brushing his hand away with the roll of my shoulder. 

Wym glanced at Poe before leaning down toward me, his breath bitter smelling.

“Maybe you should have told Dameron to keep his hands off my girlfriend first.” He grabbed my shoulder and yanked me towards him, nearly pulling me from the booth. I felt his other hand grab one of my breasts painfully, squeezing it in his palm. 

Before either of his lackeys or Poe reacted, I swung my furthest foot around with the momentum of falling backwards away from Wym, landing my large boot directly in his crotch. 

A yelp of pain escaped his throat as both hands released me and grabbed for his hurt manhood, flailing backwards onto his two friends. 

Within moments I had caught myself on the table, vaulting myself up to grab the crook of Poe’s elbow and pull him along with me. 

We left the cantina in a hurry, not stopping until we were safely locked behind Poe’s door. 

We stood there silently, regaining our breath. Poe stood near his bed with his back to me while I leaned against his door. 

I rubbed gently at the breast Wym had grabbed, wondering if a bruise would form.

It was then that I noticed something dripping from Poe’s hand.

I carefully made my way over and turned him around, pushing him gently to have him sit on his bed. He complied.

I took his hand in mine and unfurled his finger to find a cantina blade sitting there, a slice in his palm near his index finger. 

I started at his hand for a moment before taking the knife and tossing it on the floor, inspecting the cut. I was no medical expert and I hoped it would require no stitches. 

I went back and retrieved the still drying towel from earlier, as well as some medicine and a bandage from a small first aid kit sitting under the sink. 

“You’re stupid.” I mumbled, crouching on the ground in front of him as I began to inspect the wound a little more closely. It didn’t look too deep. 

“Oh really?” Poe’s voice was strong and angry, despite the quiet disposition he was in.

“Yes really.” I looked up at him, anger coursing through me as well, “What were you going to do, kill him?” 

For once, Poe looked away.

“If I had to.” 

“If you had to.” I repeated. Seething silently, my anger tossing in my stomach. I poured some anti-bacterial liquid onto the wound, causing Poe to hiss in pain, “And then what? You’d be kicked from school, put into jail, sent back home to Yavin?” 

“It would have been worth it.” He mumbled, his uninjured hand resting lightly on my forearm as he stared intently into my eyes, “I shouldn’t have even let him touch you in the first place.”

I let out a sigh and glanced away as I began to wrap his hand. The bleeding had lessened and was already beginning to coagulate to heal. It would be painful, but stitches weren’t necessary. 

“I took care of myself just fine.”

“Well what about next time?” He snapped back, the fingers of his injured hand curling, “What happens when he gets those two idiots to hold you down? What if no one’s around? What if…”

He trailed off, but I knew what he meant.

“Eh, I dunno, I think I kicked him hard enough to get the point across.”

“Sid-”

“I’ll be careful, Poe.” I reassured him. finishing the wrap and tucking it under a piece near his wrist. 

“This is all my fault.” He growled, his eyes closing.

“Yeah, keep it in your pants next time.” I smiled with a soft laugh, his eyes meeting my despairingly. 

Per usual, I couldn’t stand the sadness I saw looking back, so instead I looked to his fingers as I entangled mine with them.

“We’ll both be fine together, Poe.”


	11. The Years Start Flying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _*I only own the characters you do not recognize- I in no way own Star Wars*_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **To The Stars and Back  
> **  
>  Chapter Eleven; The Years Start Flying  
> A Fanfiction written by TheObsessory  
> 

Our first year in pilot school was a complete success. Surprisingly enough, Poe and I had few run ins with Wym after I had made it clear I did not want to be touched. A few choice words were exchanged between the both of them on the odd walk by, but for the most part, we were left alone. 

As for both of our reputations, Poe was fawned over just as much, if not more- perhaps it was the lack of bleeding body parts that made him more attractive to the girls of our school? Whatever the case, Poe enjoyed the attention. He was also rising through the “ranks” of our school. He was a favorite of most teachers (despite his hate for authority, he was a good ass-kisser) and excelled at every task. 

Of course, I wasn’t far behind. I got a little more hounded by the opposite gender after my run in with Wym. Nothing I couldn’t handle on my own. Involving Poe would only make matters worse. 

Besides, the rumor of my crotch kicking boots flew around the school in a matter of days. The girls of my year appreciated me all the more, and the boys seemed a little more weary. 

I checked the time, tossing my pen into the book I had opened on the desk before me before turning off my lamp and making my way for the door.

I had gotten my own room this year. As for Lani, I never saw her around. Perhaps she changed her mind? Or perhaps they kicked her out for attending a third of her classes last year.

Whatever the case was not my concern. I had a room all to myself and would not be disturbed, with Poe being the only exception. First and second years were advised to live on the school grounds, while those older often found apartments in the nearby settlement. Poe and I were already planning on sharing one next year.

I hadn’t realized how late it was getting and was surprised Poe hadn’t come knocking for dinner. 

I followed the new path towards Poe’s room, which was extremely near the one he had had last year. 

Again, I was stopped quite often. As a second year, I was approached by curious first years with various questions. Sometimes I knew the answers, sometimes not. But I did my best to help them, and they all seemed friendly enough. 

“Poe, let’s go eat, I’m starving.” I swung his door open, not the least surprised at what I found. 

Poe was pulling a shirt over his head, not bothering to glance my way even though I knew he heard me. I caught the glint of his silver chain which he had had for as long as I knew him. I had asked the origins of the chain, but was confused to find him holding back the truth.

As the years had changed, Poe’s ability to tell a lie had not.

“I’ll meet you at the cantina, okay?” Poe mumbled through his shirt, pushing his head through the appropriate hole.

We never just ‘met in the cantina’. What was he hiding?

I raised a brow suspiciously, taking in his room. Rumbled bed sheets, a mess of a desk (unusual for his cleanly tendencies), Poe dressing-

Oh.

“Poe, who’s this?” 

Unfortunately I had not put the puzzle pieces together as fast as I should have. A long limbed, pale woman stood at the door of his bathroom, her orange hair a mess and her shirt only half buttoned to reveal a lacey bra. 

“Ah, Nusa, this is my twin sister, Sidra. We were just going to run down to the cantina for dinner.”

My head slowly turned towards Poe, an eyebrow raising of it’s own accord. 

“How sweet.” The girl, Nusa, buttoned her shirt the rest of the way, “Well I won’t bother you two. See you tomorrow, Poe.” 

She stood on her tiptoes and gave Poe a long, wet kiss before smiling at me and leaving. 

A burning fire was lit in my stomach the moment their lips met.

Our silence filled the room thickly, dark brown eyes staring into lighter ones. 

Poe coughed, running a hand through his hair as he looked away, “So, who talks first?” He started, weakly. 

“Oh, believe me, it’s you who should be the one talking.” I bit back, crossing my arms and leaning against the door, blocking his only way out of the room. 

“Look, to get straight to the point, girls don’t like it when guys have girl best friends.” He said simply, his hands still running through his hair- he really needed a haircut.

“Oh, you’ve done tests, hmm?” I asked, “Taken some polls, did the statistics?” 

“You’re practically my sister anyway, Sid, what’s one white lie gonna-”

“One white lie?” I interrupted him, eyes a flame as I stared him down, “What happens when you really decide you love someone? And you started that relationship with a lie? How’s that going to make her feel, or you, or me, for that matter?”

A sad smile twitched at his lips, and I could see a small war happening in his eyes.

“Trust me, that’s not going to happen Sid.” He said softly. 

I took a step back from the tone in his voice. My heartbeat picked up and I felt the tears behind my eyes. I felt just like I had on my fifteenth Birthday.

“You know what.” I turned around, putting on the angriest voice I could and reaching for the door, “I’ve changed my mind. I’m not that hungry.”

He let me go, which was a good sign. Whatever feelings he felt, whatever I had tried to crush those many years ago had sprung up in that moment. And again I ran, afraid to take a single step forward. 

Four years hadn’t changed a single thing about me. 

I had calmed myself down by the time I made it to my room, burying my head in my studies to drown out my fears. 

About an hour later there was a knock on my door, and I got up to see who it was. 

I was surprised to find not someone, but something. A small tray of food had been placed on the floor before my door. There was no note left, no person in sight, but I knew who the culprit was. 

With my heart beating in my ears, I took the tray and sat it on my desk, wiping angrily at the tears in my eyes. 

I was so confused. The flash of anger I felt when that girl kissed him had been completely surprising to me. 

But it was in that moment, I realized my ten year old sister had been right. Seeing him with anyone else hurt me. Not because I wanted to be with him, but because I was afraid of him leaving. Of him deciding I was no longer important enough to call his best friend. 

And it was already happening. 

‘My twin sister’ he had called me. Not his best friend. 

And, damn Cerys, the only other option available to me was not another option. Four years of pushing his thoughts away, four years of forgetting the initial stab I had thrown in his direction. Four years of him forgetting that he had kissed me, four years of him moving on.

And still, both stabbed at my heart like a knife.


	12. Happy Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _*I only own the characters you do not recognize- I in no way own Star Wars*_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **To The Stars and Back  
> **  
>  Chapter Twelve; Happy Birthday  
> A Fanfiction written by TheObsessory  
> 

My eyes opened slowly, the bright sunlight streaming from my window and down onto my face. For the first time in many months, I felt completely rested. 

My heart gave a scared thump and I sat up, checking the hour. The clock read nine. I felt the color drain from my face, and I was just about to jump out of bed when I realized it was an off-day. There were no classes or training sessions. 

I fell backwards onto my bed with a huff, my head hitting the pillow softly. I had to stop doing this to myself. 

I snuggled back under the sheets, enjoying the softness of my bed and the solitary feel of my room. 

Poe and I had gotten a two bedroom apartment our third year of school, and it worked surprisingly well. Having grown up together, we knew each other's living habits: I was relatively messy when it came to cleaning, but made sure to do my part every off-day. Poe was the neat freak that had a place for everything. We evened each other out. 

The apartment was a Godsend after living in close proximity to other students two years in a row. I could escape it all- the partying, the noises, the screeching at two in the morning. It was a decent size, too. Two bedrooms, one small bathroom, a half kitchen and a living space. No more cantina food. And it was entertaining cooking for ourselves. 

It was hard to believe in just a few short months we would be graduating and leaving this place for good.

A knock at the door pulled me from my nap. I didn’t bother sitting up as Poe walked in.

He had been growing his hair out. Not only the hair atop his head, but his beard as well. What had once been light stubble had grown into a full beard. His curly hair was nearly untamable and often slicked back into a small ponytail. 

“Sleeping in, Birthday girl?” He sat at the foot of my bed, a white box in his hands with an orange ribbon wrapped around it. 

I shot him a questioning look before I realized that it was, in fact, my twenty first Birthday. 

I sat up slowly, running my hands through my hair to keep it from my face.

“Yeah, I guess I forgot.” I chuckled, glancing nervously at the box in his hands.

He held it out to me, a soft smile hidden somewhere behind the beard. 

I took it and unwrapped the bow, setting it on my sheets before sliding the top of the lid off the box. On a small white jewelry pillow sat a small silver chain. It wasn’t brand new, and the glint of the metal had been dulled with age. 

I looked at Poe in surprise, reaching for his shirt and pulling the neck of it down ever so slightly to find that the chain that had been there for nearly twenty one years was gone.

“Why?” I asked, pulling the chain out and admiring it in the sunlight.

“I’ll tell you once you’re ready to know.” He flashed one of his brilliant smiles my direction and stood up to leave my room.

“I hate surprises.” I grumbled, clipping the chain around my neck. The metal was cool against my skin.

“Tonight we’re going out.” Poe called down the hall from the bathroom, “To celebrate both of our birthdays and our upcoming graduation, got it?”

“Okay, on one condition.” I answered, following him into the bathroom, pulling at a knot at the back of my hair.

“That is?” He stood in front of the mirror, splashing his face with water.

“You shave and let me cut your hair.”

He glanced up from the sink, eyes narrowed as droplets of water rolled by them. 

“Does it look that bad?” He asked, grabbing his towel to clear the water from his face.

“You’re starting to look like a Wookie, Poe.” I laughed, running a brush through my hair. 

He dropped his towel to the counter and released a Wookie call from the back of his throat, doing a fairly decent job. 

I snatched his towel off of the counter and tossed it at his face, retreating back to my room, calling back, “Shave and then I’ll cut!”

I slipped into some comfortable clothing and tied my hair back in the same two ponytails that rested over my shoulders. They were loose, tied near the bottom with orange ties, but still stayed out of my face with a small clip on the back of my head. I wasn’t one for experimenting with hair. 

Once I had finished, I began to set up a chair with some left over papers around it to catch the falling hair, listening to Poe hum a song as he shaved.

That was probably my favorite part about living with Poe- his singing was extraordinary. He didn’t have a huge range, but had a strong voice that was soft on the ears..

I began to hum along, recognizing the tune, but unfamiliar with the song title or origin. My humming soon turned into singing. The lyrics weren’t in the basic language, and I wasn’t entirely sure of the language myself, but I knew them by heart and sang quietly along with Poe’s hums. 

“You ready for this face?” Poe called down the hall, his hums stopped. 

He didn’t wait for my response and walked around the corner into the living room, his face smooth and beardless.

“Ah, so Poe’s finally returned.” I was happy to see a clean shaven Poe. The beard was just too much, “Sit.”

He sat down and I pulled the hair from its ponytail, running my fingers through the curls to catch any hidden knots and get a feel for how much should be taken off. 

His hair was soft, if not a little greasy from whatever he put in it to tame it. I grabbed my scissors and began to cut, working my way toward the roots of his hair to, hopefully, err on the side of caution. 

I worked silently for a while, focused on not accidentally stabbing him in the head. I often cut the end of my hair whenever they got too split or long, but styling hair was a completely different thing. Then again, how hard could it be?

“Hard to believe it’s been six years since you broke my heart.”

I stopped what was doing, quickly removing the scissors in case my anger got the best of me. I stood there for a few moments, the adrenaline coursing through my veins, telling me to turn and run from this conversation. The quickened pace of my heartbeat hurt my chest. But my fear soon morphed into anger.

So it had finally come to this.

“I broke your heart?” I said slowly, “We were fifteen, Poe. Your friendship was all I ever knew. All I ever wanted, and you… you wanted to change that.”

“What would have changed?” He turned to look at me, eyes resolute, “I’ve seen you nearly every day since the day I pulled you out of your house. We laughed together, cried together, your pain was mine, and vice versa. Nothing would have changed.”

“Everything would have changed.” I breathed back, ashamed with the run of emotions coursing through me, but growing in confidence with the adrenaline that spurred the words from my throat, “Friendship and romance-” I spit the word out “-are two completely different things. And I was terrified. You dropped it on me like a bomb-”

“I thought you felt the same way.” He interrupted.

“I couldn’t… see you that way Poe.” I shook my head, my stomach growing uneasy, “And I started to think what if I did? What if I hadn’t pushed you away that day? All I could see was bad. We’d been each other’s best friends for eight years by then. We’d spent eight years forming this friendship, this amazing thing, and you wanted to add another variable. And I thought to myself, ‘What if he started to hate me? What if he decided he didn’t want me as his friend anymore? What would I do?’. I felt so damaged from all that I had gone through and you were the only one around willing to understand.” I took a deep breath, pushing my nausea away, “I didn’t want you to leave.”

I felt childish, saying these things that I had been holding onto since childhood. 

“So you made your decision based on a bunch of ‘what ifs’? You didn’t even bother talking to me about it? Isn’t that what friends do?” He looked hurt.

“I was fifteen.” I reiterated with emphasis this time, “I was scared. But now-”

I stopped myself, swallowing my words.

“But now what?” His hurt had changed to anger, “Now you’re having second thoughts? Changing your mind? That’s not how it works, Sid.” 

“I never said it did.” I shook my head, “But now it hurts. I realized that eventually you’d find someone you loved and I would stop being your best friend. But then I saw you kiss her… And when you lied and called me your twin sister…” 

“Sid, no. You know I didn’t say that because I meant you weren’t my friend anymore.” His hand brushed my arm and I realized I was shaking, “No one could replace you.”

My breath hitched in my throat. When had he gotten so close to me? I felt my face flush instantly.

How could I have been so stupid? All my fear that had been for nothing…

My eyes closed involuntarily and placed a hand on his shoulder. Six years of this silly, childish game I had played with him.

“Just your sister, huh?” 

Had my face not been bright red already, it would have been at the sound of another voice. 

There, standing in the door, stood Poe’s girlfriend of a year and a half. Nusa. 

“Nusa, wait-”

But she didn’t bother listening and had slipped out the door before Poe had a chance to say anything more. 

He took a few steps toward the door before he turned on me, his face stern and his eyes ablaze.

“You can’t just do that.” He snapped, eyes intent on mine, “You don’t get to chose when things are convenient for you. That’s selfish. And it’s mean, not just to me, because I don’t care when you’re mean to me. But it’s mean to the other people, the people who are inconvenienced by you. People like Nusa.”

He paused here, taking a deep breath.

“You think you were afraid?” He said much more quietly, “How do you think I felt-” He stopped himself, shaking his head.

“Maybe it’s time we had some time apart.”

And without a glance back, he went after her. 

Just maybe I had been right about everything after all.


	13. Time Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _*I only own the characters you do not recognize- I in no way own Star Wars*_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **To The Stars and Back  
> **  
>  Chapter Thirteen; Time Apart  
> A Fanfiction written by TheObsessory  
> Oh look, a song that perfection describes their relationship being sung by Oscar Isaac... how wonderful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uljQuVXuMM  
> 

The last few months of our last year in pilot school were different. Poe stuck to his words and avoided me at all cost, talking with me only when it was necessary. 

I thought it was a punishment meant only for me- it sure felt like it. And I suppose I deserved it. I had been an idiot.

But at the same time, how could he be so harsh? There was no one around to tell me what the future had in store. There was no writing on the wall. As if he expected a fifteen year old girl to understand her feelings and the feelings of others. As if he expected anyone to understand their own feelings- age had nothing to do with it! 

It was on our way home after graduation that I realized the punishment had not only been mine.

“I’m sorry Sid.” He were walking toward our houses back on Yavin 4 when he began to speak to me again, “I wasn’t angry at you, I was angry at the situation I had been put in-”

“Because of me.” I finished for him, a sad smile on my face, “No, I understand. Living’s hard, Poe. You have to try to understand other people even when you’re trying to understand yourself and it just… doesn’t work out, sometimes.” 

It was difficult to explain what I meant and what I felt, but I think he understood. 

“And Nusa?” I started hesitantly, unsure what had happened between the two of them.

“I explained my situation to her, and she understood, thankfully.” Poe left it at that.

And so I was given my best friend back and welcomed home.

Cerys nearly tackled the both of us to the ground when we had come within sight of our houses, our father’s not too far behind.

“Cerys! You’re almost as tall as me, you need to stop!” I laughed, swinging her around, her toes just barely off the ground.

“Well if you were around more maybe you could stop me,” She laughed back, holding onto me tightly.

“I missed you. How’s school? Are you making friends? Keeping dad in check?” I sat her down, my questions not stopping.

“Sid, you’re here for two months, I’m sure she can answer all of those later.” Poe tousled Cerys’s hair before scooping her up and hugging her as well.

Of course he was right. And how lovely those two months were. It was like I was thirteen again. Together Poe and I would go visit old friends, teachers and the likes and just enjoy our time together, and with our family. 

I could see how happy Kes was now that Poe was back. 

“You can’t imagine how many times he comes over here to see Cerys.” My father told me one night after Poe and Kes had left, “With Poe gone, you can see how much he misses Shara.” 

“We all do.” I replied sadly. Although it had been fourteen years since her passing, and my memories of her faded a little more every day, she would never be forgotten, just like my own mother.

There were many nights I would look out my window and see Poe crouched before the stone by the force-sensitive tree. What had been a sapling when I was young had now grown into a strong tree, it’s branches forming a nice canopy. Some nights I left Poe to himself, remembering the importance of grieving, but other nights, I couldn’t be kept away.

“Look at how big it’s gotten.” I remarked one night as I approached Poe, sitting in the grass next to him.

“Yeah, and it’s still growing.” He answered, his finger running over his mother’s name carved into the stone, “I can’t wait until it’s big enough to let kids climb it. They won’t even know what they’re climbing over, and when they see this stone, they won’t know what it means, but at least they’ll be here.”

“Don’t say that.” I leaned my head against his shoulder momentarily in a playful manner, “Every child who comes to see this tree will know exactly why it’s here and who planted it and took care of it and helped it grow. Shara’s name will never be forgotten.”

Poe leaned his head back, staring up at the bright stars above us between the leaves of the tree. 

“I hope you’re right, Sid.”

LINE BREAK HERE YO

Leaving was harder than expected. The two months had been a sweet reminder of what had been, but now it was time to look toward the future. 

Both Poe and I had been assigned to starting in the New Republic Starfleet based in the Hosnian system, separately. 

“Our first time apart.” Poe had mumbled in surprise, looking down at his screen. 

“Well, we aren’t always going to be together.” I answered softly, avoiding his eyes. I had to come to terms with that myself. 

“We’re still going to see each other.” He said exasperatedly, “Just not as much as we’d like.” 

“I wonder who makes commander first.” I changed the subject to something I knew Poe wouldn’t mind talking about.

“You, obviously. You’re a better leader than I ever was.” Poe decided, “Besides, you’re better at listening.”

While his points were indeed correct, I disagreed.

“But it’s in your blood.” I argued, “It’s who you are Poe.”

“Eh, ‘in my blood’.” He shrugged, “I don’t think piloting is genetic, Sid. You should go back to Biology.” 

I smacked his shoulder with the back of my hand.

“You’re right, I’m definitely making it to commander before you.”

Being in the New Republic Starfleet was completely different than I had imagined. The strictness I had anticipated, the large amount of people as well, but the hours? The hours killed me.

I had a love-hate relationship with sleeping. It was like when you needed to take a shower and really didn’t want to because you knew it would require effort, but then once you get in you don’t want to get out. 

I felt like sleep was a waste of seven hours of your life every night, but once morning came around, I would kill for a little while longer under the covers. 

And being in the Starfleet meant you didn’t get specific hours like one might normally. There was no day and night in space. If a ship was in need of help, they weren’t going to wait for us to get a good amount of sleep before sending out a distress signal. 

It took a few months to conform to this schedule, although I never quite got the hang of being awake instantly like others did, but it was manageable.  
Those part of my squadron were decent people. This was only a temporary training squadron to get the hang of everything, so I didn’t become too attached. We were five strong, all basic humans and all brilliant at what we did. I trusted them, as I hoped they trusted me- it was required when the chance of being helped during a skirmish was important. 

Our squadrons were switched every six months- to make room for the new recruits who replaced those who moved up the ranks or left for other jobs. 

Poe and I still met every once in awhile to exchange stories and just enjoy one another's company. We were doing well and working our ways up through the ranks at a steady pace. 

It wasn’t until the beginning of our second year Poe began to rely heavily on me again. And it started very late one night.

As I had mentioned, our schedules were anything but predictable. There were times, more often than not, I’d sleep through the day after a mission through the dead of night. 

The last week, however, had been a rather tame one, and I was asleep in my room when the communicator sitting on my desk near my bed beeped. It wasn’t a mission beep, as I had programed different sounds for different meanings, but an unfamiliar one. I was tempted to ignore it, but grabbed for it anyway. 

I was surprised to see Poe’s name flash on the screen with a simple message: “I need you”.

I stared blankly at the screen for a few seconds, still registering what was happening in my groggy state. What could Poe possibly need at- I glanced at the clock -one in the morning?

With a quiet groan, I rolled out of my bed and stretched, grabbing a belt hanging on the wall to attach my comm to it, just in case I was needed elsewhere. I splashed a bit of cool water at my sink to help wake up before leaving my room and finding my way toward Poe’s room.

Once there, I was tempted to knock, but instead, let myself in. 

Poe sat at his desk, a lamp aimed at whatever was before him, the rest of the room shrouded in shadow. By his hunched position, I knew something wasn’t right.

I walked over and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, glancing at the file in his hands. 

A picture of Shara Bey looked up at me, all her features just as I remembered them. Before I could read anything, Poe flipped the file closed and slammed it on his metal desk, resting his face in his hands.

“Poe, talk to me.” I said quietly, my hand squeezing his shoulder.

When he didn’t respond, I moved a few papers on his desk over and sat there, removing his hands from his face.

His face was flushed and damp, his eyelids swollen from tears. 

“She never told me.” He whispered, tearing his hands away from mine to run through his hair angrily, “Nothing, she didn’t tell me anything.” 

“What didn’t Shara tell you?” I untangled his fingers from his hair and smoothed the hair out, trying to undo the damage he had started to his body. His fingers were clenched in his lap, his face red and lightly bruised from his fingers brushing the tears and snot away.

“She was a hero, Sid.” I had never seen his eyes so sad, “I’d always ask her to tell me about the war. Dad always did, he loved talking about the people he had met and the experiences he had had, but she... “ He trailed off, staring angrily at the file, “One time I asked her why she had gone to war and she told me ‘People were hurting. People were suffering. Your father and I couldn’t sit and do nothing’, but she never, not once went into any detail. Look.” 

He shoved the file into my hands and I skimmed the words, finding countless testimonies of grateful pilots who claimed they would have died had it not been for her. 

“...’awarded the Bronze Nova for Conspicuous Gallantry during the Liberation of Gorma’...” He quoted, “And then she had earned her triple ace less than a week later, during Operation: Mynock Bite. I grabbed her file because I wanted to remember her and now I feel like I hardly knew her.” 

I moved damp curls from his forehead after setting the file aside, wiping away the trails left behind by his tears.

“She was a humble woman.” I reminded him, feeling the corners of my eyes prick with tears as well, “There just wasn’t enough time to tell you everything.” 

His eyes welled up for a moment before he pushed them back, taking a deep breath. 

“There’s not a goddamn day that I don’t miss her.” He whispered, taking my hand from his cheek to examine my palm, “And my dad…” He shook his head, “Maybe I shouldn’t have left him alone.” 

“You know as well as I do that Kes would have blamed himself for that. Besides, he isn’t alone. He and my father are great friends, and he’s spent fourteen years look after Cerys, just like you and I have. She’s as much his daughter as she is my father’s.” I spoke softly, feeling a twinge of sadness at the mention of my sister and father, “She’d be so proud of you, of both of us, and I know sometimes it gets hard, remembering everyone that isn’t with us any more, but you can’t hold everything she didn’t tell you against her.”

“I know-”

“And most importantly,” I cut him off, “You can’t spend forever wishing they were back and hating everything that happened, or you end up sitting alone in your room for a month until an obnoxious little boy bothers you.”

We both laughed at that. 

“Who knows where I would be if I’d let that anger consume me.” I shivered at the thought, “I mean, look at Anakin Skywalker. Look at anyone who’s fallen since. Anger, sadness, it eats people alive.”

“Okay, Miss Jedi, I think I get it.” He chuckled, a small smile appearing. 

“I wish I was like you.” I mumbled after a few seconds, “You changed my whole life around with barely any words and here I am lecturing you.”

“Eh, being me isn’t all that great. The lime light gets a little boring.”

I rolled my eyes at him. Apparently he was already feeling much better. 

“Well if you’re quite finished, Mr. Lime Light, I need some sleep.” I made my way for the door with a yawn, hoping for a quiet night ahead of me.

“Thanks Sid.” I heard him say quietly as I closed the door behind me.


	14. Squad Goals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _*I only own the characters you do not recognize- I in no way own Star Wars*_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **To The Stars and Back  
> **  
>  Chapter Fourteen; Squad Goals  
> A Fanfiction written by TheObsessory  
> 

Poe and I had been lucky enough to be part of the same Squadron during our last six months of training in the New Republic Starfleet. 

At twenty three, it had been nearly two years since Poe and I had flown side by side, but hardly anything had changed. We were wiser, of course, having done countless missions in our time apart. Together we flourished, a well oiled machine. Three others had been with us, two that had worked with Poe once before and one that I had been in a squadron with since the beginning. The two Poe knew were Karé Kun, a beautiful black skinned human with countless braids atop her head and a sarcasm meter off the charts, and Muran, a short, silent man with narrowed eyes and short black hair. The only non-human who was part of our group was Iolo Arana, a Keshian with large, brightly colored eyes that could see far beyond any other humans, caramel skin a little darker than Poe’s and a brave heart. He and Karé were nearly as inseparable as Poe and I. 

Toward the end of our six months together, I got a bit melancholy. I had enjoyed my time with this group, far more than any before it. Against what I had promised I would not do, I became attached to this squadron. 

The day before we were moved into our final squadron, in which we would be working closely, we all got together and raised a toast to our friendship and countless hours together.

“It’s been an honor to work with each and every one of you. I hope all our paths cross once more. To the future.” Poe raised his drink and we all followed suit, the cups and glasses in our hands clinking in the center. 

“So,” Karé started once she had downed her first glass, “Start the bets: Who gets Commander tomorrow, Poe or Sidra?”

Surprisingly enough, none of them had been in on our little bet at the beginning of our training. They all, however, noted that while Poe had been in charge of this squadron officially, he leaned heavily on me for backup and answers. 

“Don’t make us pick favorites.” Muran mumbled off to the side, inspecting his drink. 

“Well my vote goes to Sid.” Poe blabbered, already a little tipsy from his drinking.

“I second that.” Karé raised another glass.

“I’m flattered, but I think Poe has my vote.” I grinned at a mildly intoxicated Poe. 

“As much as I love you, Sidra, it’d just be weird hearing orders from you.” Iolo stated next, making everyone but Muran laugh.

“Come on, Muran, you’re the tie breaker!” Karé called down the table to him.

He glanced between both Poe and I, his narrowed eyes searching.

“I’ll take both.” He said with a small smile.

“You’re no fun.” Karé grumbled.

Little did we know, Muran was more correct than we could have guess

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.

“And lastly,” The head of the New Republic Starfleet stood at a podium up on a bare stage, all the other squadrons having been called but this last one. None of our previous squadron had been added to a new one and it filled me with an ice cold fear. Had some of us not been chosen?

“As commander of Rapier Squadron, having graduated from the Pilot Training Center on Kolaador with flying colors,” The audience chuckled at his joke, “and trained here for the last two years, Poe Dameron.”

I felt a wide smile lift my cheeks as I saw Poe stand and make his way toward the stage with the audience applauding around him. But through my joy, I also worried. Official squadrons like Rapier only had four members. At least one of us was not going to be joining him.

“Joining Mr. Dameron on Rapier Squad will be Iolo Arana, Muran and Karé Kun.”

All three of them got up rather slowly, looking mildly confused.

The moment my name was not uttered, my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. What had I done wrong? Everything was going so well-

“Hold your applause, please.” He held up a hand. 

I glanced at Poe; although he looked ecstatic, I could see a hint of anger growing behind his eyes. He knew I had not been placed anywhere. 

“Having followed this squadron for the last six months personally, I believe it is not yet finished.”

Questioning murmurs went up through the crowd. I strained to find my father and sister but was unable to see them in the mass. Were they questioning what was happening just as much as I was?

“One knows when an exceptional bond and team has been made, and Rapier Squadron would not be finished without Sidra Van as co-commander beside Mr. Dameron.”

I closed my eyes in a momentary prayer before opening them and striding toward the stage, mildly embarrassed at special occasion. We all stood together as the audience applauded, finally finding my father and Cerys in the crowd next to Kes. Seeing them only made my smile wider. 

When we exited to the back of the stage, I felt like I could breathe again.

“Seems like Muran was right.” Karé said begrudgingly, clapping me on the shoulder.

“I still can’t believe that happened.” I said with a small laugh, my hands still cold from the anticipation. 

“None of us can, trust me.” Iolo added in as we all stood together in a circle.

“We’re the only squadron that wasn’t split up.” Karé added, “How strange is that?”

“They know a good team when they see one.” Poe put his hand around my shoulder, giving me a sideways hug. 

“Guess that ‘epic’ speech was for nothing.” I chuckled, putting a little extra emphasis on “epic”. 

“Are you saying my speech-?” Poe was cut off as he was almost flung forward into the center of the ground, my sister clinging to his back. We hadn’t noticed that the event had officially finished and family members had been allowed to the back of the stage to see their children and friends.

“Oh, so Poe gets a hug first-” I began with my arms crossed, feigning an annoyed voice.

At that, Cerys jumped at me, her arms wrapping around my neck. 

“Gosh, I missed you two so much!” At fifteen years old, Cerys was nearly a full grown woman. We shared the same height and bodily proportions, but, as mentioned before, her colors were a little darker than my own. It was terrifying how much she resembled mother now.

I hugged her back tightly, sad that I had missed out on so much growth.

“Sidra, if you ever pull a stunt like that again, I think your father’s going to have a heart attack.” I heard Kes’s voice and pulled away from Cerys, flashing a bright smile to where he stood next to Poe.

“Trust me, if something like that happens again, I’m the one who’s going to be having the heart attack.” I hugged my father next, holding him tightly.

“So what happens next?” Cerys asked, a glint of hope in her dark eyes.

“We start working right away, Cer. Not coming home this time.” I said softly, a tight smile on my face.

She rolled her eyes.

“All you guys do is work. No wonder you guys only have each other, you don’t have time to make friends.” 

Normally I wouldn’t have fought back and told her I did, in fact, have friends, but we all just laughed instead. 

It was bittersweet, seeing my family for only a few hours before we were sent off to the next section of our lives. We were told we were off to Mirrin to be stationed under Major Lonno Deso. 

We had two hours to pack what little possessions we brought with us and prepare ourselves and our droids for the quick trip to our new home.

I was almost finished packing, roughly thirty minutes into our allotted two hours, when 88-5 rolled into my room, his bright beeps questioning.

“Ah, that’s right, you weren’t present for the ceremony, were you?” I sat on my bed, taking a momentary break to tell the white and gray droid what our future held. 

“-and the best part?” He beeped expectedly at me, “We’re in the same Squadron. You get to stay with BB-8, R4-T7, R5-D4 and BB-2.”

BB-5 let out a “whir” of excitement, his beeps questioning further.

“Yeah, I don’t know why this happened, but it did, so don’t question it.”

All of our droids were rather happy with each others company. All of the BB Units were a bit more friendly than the R Units (they tended to be a little more sarcastic in nature and kept to themselves, typically) but they usually put up with the frantic beeps and whirs of the BB Units. 

I loved my little droid as much as the next person, but wasn’t entirely happy with his color palette. He really was the most dull of all them. Poe got an orange BB-8 (of which I was most jealous), Muran a green BB-2, Karé’s R4-T7 was red with gold highlights and Iolo’s R5-D4 flaunted a teal.

Maybe next time BB-5 needed a touch up, I’d find better paints.

With a few more beeps and clicks of happiness, BB-5 was off, his little domed head leading him forward.

Having grown up around R Units for the most part, it still amazed me how much expression BB Units possessed. As they were a bit more new, their programming was much more advanced, which made for a more friendly droid. But there were always exceptions; Karé’s R4 have been a faithful droid for many years, and was very close to her. 

“What’s it say when I’m done packing faster than you?”

I glanced over my shoulder to find Poe standing there, his one bag slung over his shoulder with BB-8 and BB-5 at his feet. 

“Does it have to say anything?” I questioned, zipping my own black bag up, glancing over the room once more to make sure I wasn’t leaving anything behind.

“You ready?” A child like grin was plastered on his face. Hard to believe it was finally time to go.

“Of course.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Welcome to Mirrin Prime. I am Major Lonno Deso. Everything you do, you will report to me. Every mission. Every time you take your ship out.” Major Deso was an extremely short man with many wrinkles, a balding head and pale green eyes. Yet his age didn’t seem to stop him. He was very commanding in his stature, and had a strong voice, “Your job will include scouting, finding ships sending out distress signals, stopping pirates, etcetera. Do any of you have any questions for me?”

Deso had gotten straight to the point.

“Good. From what I hear, all five of you are exceptionally skilled pilots, but lack some fundamental listening skills.” His gaze stopped on Poe, “I believe all of you will succeed, however, should there be any problems with the rankings and following of orders, there doesn’t need to be five of you to Rapier Squadron.” He paused, sweeping us over with the green eyes once more, “That will be all.”

Once he had left, I felt the tension die.

“I’ll be on my best behavior. Promise.” Poe had obviously seen the look Deso gave him. 

“You better be.” Karé punched Poe lightly in the shoulder as we began our trek to our new rooms, our droids conversing behind us, “Can’t imagine having a squadron without you.”

“Ah, just you wait. We’ll be making history before you even know it.”


	15. The First Order

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _*I only own the characters you do not recognize- I in no way own Star Wars*_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **To The Stars and Back  
> **  
>  Chapter Fifteen; The First Order  
> A Fanfiction written by TheObsessory  
> 

It was a solid four weeks until we had a serious run in with trouble.

“All wings, report in.” Poe’s voice crackled over my headset. It was a peaceful day. In fact, a peaceful week. Our scouting had been anything less than fruitful, and we were all a bit unnerved by it all.

“Rapier Two.” Karé’s voice drifted over my ears next, “Everything green, Commander.”

“Rapier Three, and I have to agree with Rapier Two, Commander.” Iolo spoke next, “This is another waste of fuel and time.”

“Rapier Four. Standing by.”

“Rapier Five as well.” I shot in before Poe began.

“You see, you should all follow Muran’s example, there. You hear how nicely Rapier Four reports in, without editorializing or anything?”

“She was only saying what we were all thinking, Poe.” I defended Karé.

“Bring it around to one-four mark four,” Poe continued. Of course he wasn’t actually chastising us. I’m sure he felt the same, “One last loop and then we’re back to base.” 

We all followed Poe, the basic maneuvers simple enough to do in my sleep.

“Thing I don’t understand, Commander, is why we keep coming out here.” Iolo’s voice once again came over the speakers.

BB-5 beeped a few times, something about Iolo whining. I paid more attention to what Poe said next, as BB-5 had a tendency for disliking Iolo and Karé’s complaints. 

“We are members of the New Republic’s navy.” Poe shot back quickly, “Or have you forgotten who it is you signed up to protect?”

“I know it’s our job.” Iolo was walking a thin line, “What I’m saying is, look, I understand the Republic is concerned about piracy in the trades lanes, I get that. I absolutely, totally, I get it. Impact to galactic commerce, citizens need to feel safe, rule of law, all of that. But we’ve been flying this patrol for three weeks now-”

“Four.” Karé corrected him, her voice as deadpan as ever.

“Four- thank you, Karé- and not one smuggler, not one pirate, not one miscreant, heck, not even one unmanned drone has so much as beeped our scanners. I’d take a hunk of space debris. Anything.” Iolo’s words had sense behind them, but his easily bored nature was what fueled his words. Both he and Karé had a hard time coping when there wasn’t anything to do. 

“What do you want me to tell you, Iolo?” Poe asked, “I’ve been writing to the Guavians daily asking them to step up their criminal activities, but so far, they’re just not responding.”

I rolled my eyes at his sarcasm, BB-5 clicking his own disapproval.

“That’s your problem.” Karé spoke next, a laugh on her voice, “The Guavians can’t read, Poe. You should be writing to the Hutts.”

We all laughed, including Muran, surprisingly enough. Thankfully, our prayers for some action were answered.

“Got something. BB-8 is patching it to you all now.” 

No sooner had Poe finished talking, another voice filled my ears, this one foreign and new.

“-free trader Yissira Zyde- nder attack, please to any vessel receivi- us we-” A patch of static interrupted, “-have- st power to sub- ght engines cannot man- peat cannot maneuver- multiple- ighters attacking-”

The line was cut and we all waiting it excited silence for BB-8 to find the coordinates of the signal.

“Got it.” We all breathed as one, “Suraz 4. All Rapiers, confirm hyperspace coordinates.”

88-5 had located them for me in a matter of seconds, his chirping and whiring exciting me further.

“We’re going in hot.” I could hear the anticipation in his own voice, “Punch it.”

In a matter of minutes, we had reached our destination, everyone reporting in as we took the position Poe had called out to us the moment we had arrived.

“Yissira Zyde.” Poe left his comm. open for all of us to hear his transmission, “This is Commander Poe Dameron of the Republic Navy, we have received your distress call and are en route to render assistance.”

It was unsurprising when nothing came back. From the first message, it sounded like whatever was going on was happening fast.

What we had all been expecting- specifically, what we had all trained for, for the last few years of our lives -was not what we were given.

What we had thought was pirates that might put up a small fight. Maybe. Five X-Wings were usually enough to frighten off even the boldest of pirates. And it probably would have gone down that way if they had been pirates.

The Yissira Zyde was in shambles, losing what little air it had from a breach in its starboard side. Shuttles had pulled up beside the larger ship, and at first I was confused by how a few non-equipped shuttles could cause so much damage, but then I saw what we really had to worry about.

“First Order.” Poe’s voice broke over the communicator as eight TIEs began to head straight toward us.

The First Order. What had started out as a myth, as a passing matter, was growing. Not many liked to talk about it, myself being one of them. While I believed they were, in fact, a threat, just as their roots had been all those years ago, I was unsure whether they would return to the former power their predecessors had come to. I mean, the New Republic would have done something to stop it, surely?

“Not necessarily.” Poe told me one afternoon as we worked on our ships, BB-8 and BB-5 blipping away aimlessly, “You saw what happened. Emperor Palpatine ripped the first Republic apart from the inside out. Who’s to say it won’t happen again?”

“Makes sense.” I had answered, “History is bound to repeat itself if no one is made wiser about it.”

“Break, two elements. Rapier Two and Five, on me.” Poe commanded as we all quickly reformed into the two teams, “Rapier Three, you and Four see if you can’t get those shuttles to break off.”

“Three against eight.” I watched as Iolo and Muran sped off towards the mess, facing the TIEs a bit nervously.

“Yeah,” Poe said, a smile evident through his speech, “I feel kinda bad for them.” 

With a deep breath and Poe’s words, I felt my unease sink away. Everything would be fine. 

The fighting was quick, but not precise. The first two casualties, TIEs of course, were down in a matter of a few seconds, shot by none other than Poe. 

A glance toward Muran and Iolo reassured me that everything was going to plan.

Two of the five TIEs left- one had already broken off from the skirmish- took off after Poe, hard on his tail. Sure of Poe’s abilities, I assisted Karé with the last three.

They tried desperately to maneuver behind us, but they were less coordinated and in tune with each other than Karé and I were. 

“Sid, drop it.”

I quickly pushed my nose down, a deafening explosion erupting behind me as Karé got one of the TIEs. We danced with the other two a little while longer, both of us trying desperately to get the upper hand. 

I landed a crippling blow on one, causing it to go spinning out of control before I finished it off with a final laser shot. 

It was then that our last TIE took off with one that had been perusing Poe, headed towards one of the shuttles that was just about to shoot off into hyperspace. 

The other shuttle was nowhere to be found, supposedly destroyed by Muran and Iolo. 

But it wasn’t just the shuttle and TIEs that were jumping into hypersapce. 

“Muran! Iolo! Break port!” Poe’s yell made me jump, and I searched the stars around the Yissira Zyde for the two of them.

Both banked left, Iolo high and Muran low. 

My heart fell to my stomach as it seemed the events folded out slowly before my eyes. I wanted to shout, to scream like Karé was doing and Poe had, but the sounds were stuck in my throat as I watched Muran’s Z-Wing rip apart and then explode from the ripple left behind by the freighter. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The flight home was silent. Even the droids, who were constantly interacting with each other, remained quiet as we mourned for Muran. Poe on the other hand… he was furious. I could sense that much.

For weeks he had been talking with Deso about the growing strength of the First Order, voicing his concerns, trying to push Deso to talk to those further up about the threat they posed, but Deso remained resolute. As he did now.

“It’s unfortunate.” We had returned back to Mirrin, Poe and I making a bee-line straight for Major Deso, “It’s never easy to lose one of your squadron, Commanders. But I’ve reviewed the flight data, I’ve reviewed the entire engagement up to and included the astromech telemetry, and there’s nothing you could have done. Lieutenant Muran’s death is tragic, but it’s my considered opinion it was unavoidable.”

 

“I disagree.” Poe quickly parried, leaning against the table that stood between Deso and the two of us.

“You can’t blame yourself.”

I felt Poe tense beside me, his fists clenching. 

“I don’t blame myself.” He answered calmly, a few moment later, “I’m blaming the First Order.”

“Commander, we are not having this discussion again.” A cringed inwardly at the the standoff. I was often the mediator between the disputes Deso and Poe had. Both had extremely strong arguments, and I understood them all, but my loyalty was always to Poe. 

Not that I didn’t understand Deso’s position. There wasn’t much he could do. He was a Major of a single branch of the New Republic’s Navy. He had power, but not that much.

“This isn’t another isolated incident Lonno,” Poe argued back, probably making a reference to one of the incidents brought up in a past skirmish, as this had been our first run in with the First Order, “I’m seeing the same intelligence reports that you are.”

“The Senate Intelligence Committee has reviewed the reports and has found them inconclusive, at best grossly overstated, Poe. This is a non-issue. It’s a big galaxy. The First Order is a remnant born of a war thirty years gone. Yes, they persist, yes, they continue, but by all accounts they do so barely. They are, at best, an ill-organized, poorly equipped, and badly funded group of loyalists who use propaganda and fear to inflate their strength and their important.” Deso continued, rather irked at Poe.

“You think the Empire appeared over night?” I questioned softly, “One man, Deso.” I held a finger up. “It took one man to speak false fantasies into the ears of others. Into the ears of those truly good people who were corrupted by him. Or have you forgotten as the rest of the galaxy has?”

Both Poe and Deso looked at me in surprise. I was usually quite silent during their spats, but the loss of Muran had instilled an anger in me.

I remembered the stories I grew up learning about. The stories of Anakin Skywalker, the so-called Chosen One who was supposed to bring balance to the Force. 

I had laughed begrudgingly to myself as I read the histories. He had, in a sense, balanced the force. What had once been hundreds of Jedi against a couple of Sith Lords was, indeed, now even. 

“And they’re flying state-of-the-art TIEs, they’re using commando boarding parties and latest-generation attack shuttles in clear violation of the Galactic Condordance.” Poe continued in Deso’s shocked silence, his eyes still on me as he contemplated our words, “They’re training troops and pilots. We interrupted a military operation, Lonno, not some snatch and grab. They wanted the Yissira Zyde and they got it. They wanted it badly enough they paid for it with six TIEs, those pilots, and however many people were aboard the shuttle that Muran and Iolo shot down. That’s not a poorly organized force. That’s not a poorly motivated force. That’s a real threat.”

“An emerging threat then, Commander Dameron.”

I scoffed, earning a narrow eyed glance from Deso. 

“An ‘emerging threat’.” My usual cool behavior was gone, “An emerging threat that should be stopped before it emerges any further.”

“Give it to the Resistance.” 

Deso scowled, clearly not happy that I had forsaken my middle-group.

“Don’t be absurd. The Resistance is as overstated as the First Order.”

“They’re at least doing something about them!” Both Poe and I argued in defiance.

“Rumored to be doing something about them.” Deso countered.

“We have to act.”

“I’ll pass along your concerns to Command.” Deso was clearly trying to end the conversation, as he always did, but saying he’d ‘do something’. Whether he did or not was still in question.

“That’s not enough.” Poe shook his head, “We need to know what the Yissira Zyde was hauling. We need to know why they took it and, more importantly, where. I’d like permission to take the Rapiers out, try to track the trajectory, see if we can’t find the freighter.”

My siding with Poe stopped abruptly. That was absurd. We had lost one man in a small skirmish, how did Poe think four X-Wings could fare against anything more?

“Denied.” Deso said resolutely. 

“There are questions-”

“I said denied, Commander.” Deso had grown in height, probably pleased with my silence, “Rapier is assigned Mirrin sector patrol, that’s all. Your orders are to continue as before. Nothing more, and nothing less. Am I clear?” 

Both Poe and I sat in silence.

“It’s going to happen again, you realize that, don’t you?”

“If it does, it’ll be dealt with then.”

“So we do nothing? That’s the solution? An emerging threat, and we do nothing?”

“That is correct.”

“That is insane.” Poe finished, and I couldn’t help but agree. Muran would receive no justice for his death. 

“I don’t like it, either.” Deso began to speak again, his tone subdued, “But this is the order from the Republic Command, do you understand? We don’t engage the First Order, we don’t provoke the First Order. I don’t like it any more than you do, but those are orders, Commanders. You break them, you’ll be up on charges. You’ll lose your commissions.”

“And that doesn’t bother you in the least that the Republic, those in charge of protecting their people, are allowing their people to die without justice? Without stopping those who are killing? There’s something wrong here, Deso.” Everything he had said rubbed me in the wrong way. History was repeating itself, in a way. There must be someone on the inside orchestrating this. 

Deso waved his hand, clearly done with the conversation.

Poe and I left, both fuming inwardly. We headed for the hangar bay where our X-Wings stood, the lack of Muran’s making the hangar seem unbelievably empty. But as we walked toward the pilot prep room, I felt my anger cool down. 

I felt torn. Torn between what I wanted to do and what I was being told to do. 

I was well known for my ability to follow rules, and my enjoyment of following rules. Rules were placed to be followed, not broken and not stretched.

But another part of me told me not to. Told me to stop listening to the rules, the false rules, the rules put in place because of liar’s and wrong-doers, and fight back. 

Never had I been so torn. It was times like this when I hated the galaxy for what it was. There was never just good versus evil like was so often told in story books for children. There was too much gray. Too much in between.

“We finishing this?” Karé and Iolo both stood just inside the doors of the pilot’s prep room, wearing their flight suits, all the droids waiting anxiously with them.

I looked to Poe as he shook his head, clearly at war with himself as well.

“They took that freighter somewhere, Commander.” Iolo nudged R5, the droid blipping in agreement. 

“Figure we need to find out where,” Karé agreed, “We owe it to Muran, right?”

“No go.” Poe murmured, my heart beating painfully at the mention of our fallen friend, “By Major Deso’s order.”

“What?” Iolo and Karé both looked shocked and irritated, as if they had expected a different answer. They knew of Poe’s fights with Deso, and they knew Deso’s position. Perhaps they thought with the death of Muran, Deso might have been swayed.

“Let’s just see about that.” Karé grumbled, beginning to stalk back the way Poe and I had just come from.

“Karé, don’t.” Poe grabbed her arm as she pushed past us, “It’s not his call. It’s coming down from on high.” 

“‘On high’ who?” She spat back, clearly not pleased.

“He won’t say, other than Command. It could be Senate level. We go up on any other than a routine patrol, we’re all looking at charges.”

“So what’re we doing, Poe?” Iolo asked, his eyes flashing momentarily, “We’re just sitting on our hands?”

“No,” Poe turned, BB-8 rolling after him as he started toward his ship, “We’re going on patrol.”

I followed suit, BB-5 bumping gently against my boot as we headed for our ship. I had a nagging feeling, however, that Poe had something else in mind.


	16. General Organa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _*I only own the characters you do not recognize- I in no way own Star Wars*_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **To The Stars and Back  
> **  
>  Chapter Sixteen; General Organa  
> A Fanfiction written by TheObsessory  
> 

“Rapier Two, Rapier Three and Rapier Five,” The lack of Muran’s ‘Rapier Four’ was still foreign to our ears. He had just gotten beyond the edge of the system, well out of Mirrin Prime, when Poe spoke, “Comlink your astromechs to Rapier One and upload all telemetry from the Suraz engagement to to BB-8, please.”

I shook my head, BB-5 at once doing what he was commanded.

“I can’t believe…” I grumbled aloud. It was a bit of a lie. I could believe Poe would do this. He was headstrong, sometimes irrationally so, and when he wanted answers, he got them one way or another. 

“Oh, you are slick, Poe.” Karé commented with a laugh.

“We’re doing this?” Iolo followed, a hint of worry hidden in his voice.

“I’m doing this.” Poe said, “Not going to let you three flush your careers on a disobedience charge. If someone is going to take the fall for this, let it be me. I’m not planning to be gone long anyway. This is just recon. Everything goes well, I’ll be back before Deso knows we ever split up.”

“Poe-” I started, my heart beating anxiously

“I’m going, Sid. Muran deserves this.”

I let the word sink in, still at war with myself. 

“Then I’m going too.” I decided.

“Sid, I can’t let you do that.”

“Too bad. BB-8, send trajectory on the Yissira Zyde’s hyperspace jump over to BB-5. I know you’ve found it already.” 

BB-8 beeped softly, confused on whether he should or shouldn’t.

I heard Poe take a deep breath, both Karé and Iolo silent.

“Fine. But at the first sign of trouble, we’re leaving.” Poe relented.

“Oh yes, I’m sure.” I chuckled as I listened to BB-5’s happy blips. 

“We’re already down one good pilot.” Iolo finally spoke, “And I don’t think Karé and I are particularly looking for field promotions.”

“Copy that.” Karé agreed, “Be smart, both of you, and hurry back, okay?”

“I’ll make sure he’s not doing anything too stupid.” I confided in Karé, Poe huffing indignantly over the line. 

“Oh, and may the force be with you.”

LINE BREAK HERE YO

It wasn’t until the third stop in the direction of the Yissira Zyde that we found what we were looking for.

We came out of hyperspace at OR-Kappa-2722, greeted promptly by the screams of both our droids. 

“Well at least it’s not a whole fleet.” Poe said lightly as we surveyed our surroundings in shock.

From what I saw, I counted three Star Destroyers, four frigates, two Maxima-A heavy cruisers and one Dissident-class light cruiser. Plus who knows how many small vessels around the fleet, everything from droids to TIEs. 

“Not yet.” Poe answered BB-8, a question I had missed, “Can you find the Yissira Zyde? You too, Sid.” 

I scanned the fleet thoroughly a second time, but saw nothing.

“Well, we’ve come all this way. I think we ought to leave with something.”

“Poe, we came here for the Yissira Zyde. If it’s not here, we need to leave before they see us.” I argued back, ready to send the order to BB-5 to ready us for another jump into hyperspace. 

“A little late for that.” 

Poe was right. Already the nearest Star Destroyer, a heavy cruiser and two, maybe two and a half, dozen TIE fighters had swung in our direction. 

“Go, Sid!”

We shot forward, charging toward the oncoming First Order ships.

“I hope you know what you’re doing, Poe.” I yelled back, BB-5 chirping in worry. 

“Yeah, I think boosting the front deflectors is a good idea too.” Poe ignored me, and instead was speaking with BB-8. Despite my terror for the upcoming situation Poe was putting us in, I listened to what he was saying, replaying the same information to BB-8, “And power down the weapons, divert to engines.”

“Poe-” I started, my fingers growing cold on the controls. I didn’t realize how hard I was gripping it.

“Just until we find it,” He interrupted, “Just until we have proof.”

I followed Poe closely, listening when he told me to do a tight turn or dive. TIEs were falling left and right, thanks to the friendly fire. The explosions rattled our X-Wings, but so far, so good.

I could hear Poe having a conversation with BB-8 off and on, but focused solely on maneuvering through this mess. While I trusted Poe, and knew he was good at what he did, I was still going to punch him for being so reckless

“BB-8 found it.” 

I felt like I could breathe again, cork screwing away from a couple of TIEs. Poe and I were not nearly as close to one another as we had been, and I worked my way back toward him, a few more TIEs exploding in the process.

I watched as Poe was flanked by TIEs, and considered firing my weapons back up to assist him.

Before I could, however, I saw him shoot straight up in the air, the TIEs trying desperately to follow suit.

“Power.”

Our droids put power into our weapons again and we fired a few shots on the unsuspecting TIEs before we both leveled off and shot into hyperspace.

“That was a waste of time.” I grumbled once we came out of lightspeed at the edge of the Mirrin system, the sweat on my forehead dripping down my temples.

“Not entirely.” Poe answered, “BB-8 and I reviewed the flight data, and the freighter was on board of the second Star Destroyer.”

“We already assumed they’d taken in, Poe. We know as little about why they wanted it as we did in the first place.” I came off a little cross, and maybe I shouldn’t have followed Poe, but sometimes his big head needed to think a little more. 

Our argument was cut off by Mirrin Control over our headsets.

“Rapier One and Rapier Five, this is Mirrin Flight, respond.”

“Rapier One-” “-and Rapier Five.”

“Approach landing bay twenty-two, you are cleared for landing.”

My heart gave a flutter.

“Mirrin Flight, Rapier Squadron berths bay seven, confirm please.”

I hoped, prayed, that it had just been a mistake on his part.

“Commanders Poe Dameron and Sidra Van?” 

“Correct.”

“You are directed to bay twenty-two. Do not deviate your approach. Mirrin Flight out.” 

The moment the comm. went silent, I muttered every curse word I knew.

“Yeah.” Poe sighed back, “We’re in trouble.”

PAGE BREAK HERE YO

Bay twenty-two was startlingly empty when we landed, which did nothing for my nerves. But I knew following Poe would lead me to some situation like this eventually. I tried to be the voice of reason for him, but he was just so stubborn. 

Even after we had left our X-Wings and released BB-8 and BB-5, the bay remained empty. 

After a few moments of silence, boots could be heard coming toward the hanger. 

Three figures entered, heading straight for us. I gulped, watching the middle one in a Republic military uniform look Poe and I up and down. Three people to transport two pilots? We may have disobeyed one command, but we weren’t convicts. 

“Commanders Dameron and Van?” The large man stopped before us, still examining us like we were to be his next meal.

“You are?”

“Major Ematt. You’ll come with us, please.”

“We’ve got a report to file with Major Deso.” I said quickly with a tight smile.

“We located the Yissira Zyde.”

“Major Deso is occupied.” And with that, they turned toe and headed back for the door they had come from. 

Poe and I sent worried glances to one another, but followed nonetheless.

In a few moments, we arrived at a speeder that sat waiting for us just outside the bay doors. One of the two shore police drove with Major Ematt in the seat next to him, with the other shore police officer, this one looked to be Devaonian, sat in the back with me, Poe, BB-8 and BB-5. 

“Are we under arrest?” Poe asked once the speeder started.

“Do you want to be?” He shot back.

“Where’s the rest of Rapier Squadron? Lieutenant Kun and Lieutenant Arana?” I questioned, anxious to know what had happened and what they had told him.

“They’re being dealt with.”

I shot Poe a worried glance, BB-5 booping quietly near my feet. To calm my nerves, I watched the scenery go by, counting buildings, numbers, anything to keep myself from jumping out of the moving vehicle. What would father say? The thought of failure glazed my eyes over with tears, despite trying to distract myself. 

By the time we had stopped, just outside of a collection of new prefabs on the North side of the base, the weather had worsened. Cold rain was falling from the gray clouds above us, doing nothing for my already poor mood. I hated rain almost as much as I hated wearing soaked clothes. 

And soaked we were by the time we followed Major Ematt over to a far off hut, pressing his palm to the security plate on the door. 

“Go on it.” Ematt instructed us as the door opened, “Your droids and I will wait out here.”

I was loath to leave 88-5 out in the rain, and would have felt much more comforted if the droid followed with. I gave him a small nod before following Poe into the building with a shiver. 

The room was bigger than I had originally thought it would be. What had once been a briefing room now had a small cot and trunk, although most of the room was filled with chairs and a desk. A holoprojector glowed in one of the corners, projecting some of the Republic newsfeed, despite it being muted. 

And lastly, there was a woman at the desk, working diligently on a datapad, either ignoring our entrance, or unaware. I wasn’t entirely sure.

In a matter of moments after I thought that, however, she stood and turned to us. She was not very tall, but I would not call her short, nor was she very young. The gray hair tied up in brains and pinned down to her head attested to that. She wore an unfamiliar uniform, but despite the military esque of it, she seemed quite regal. 

“Commanders Dameron and Van,” She spoke, her voice filling the whole room easily, “Do you know who I am?” 

While Poe nodded, I stood there blank faced. How should I know who she was? My nerves were frayed by this unusual circumstance and I still had not entirely recovered from our maneuvers with the First Order.

“General Organa.” Poe snapped a salute, and after a few moments of processing I did the same, my breath catching in my throat.

Leia Organa, a living legend, stood before me. I felt my mind go blank in shock.

“At ease, and have a seat, both of you. I’m going to call you Poe and Sidra, if that’s all right.”

“Whatever you like, General.” Poe answered for us both.

Leia took a seat behind the desk and gestured for us to take the ones on the other side. 

“You should see your faces.” She smiled brightly, “I’m not that frightening, surely.”

“No ma’am.” Poe snapped quickly. 

“It’s just unbelievable…” I breathed, taking a seat besides Poe.

“The problem with a reputation is that it can become a legend.” Leia said with a shrug, “Don’t be deceived. I’m not a legend.”

We glanced at each other, both having grown up with the stories of this so called ‘not legend’, and smiled.

“You’re not sitting where I’m sitting.” I chuckled. 

“I’m a soldier, just like the both of you. A soldier with a rank and experience, too much experience, perhaps. But just another soldier.”

“If you say so ma’am.” Poe said lightly.

“I do, and stop calling me ma’am.”

“Yes General.”

“Oh it’s going to be like that, is it?” We all laughed, and I felt all the anxiety that had been building before disappear, “All right, Commander Dameron. Do you know why the both of you are here?”

We shook our heads, my own mind going a million miles per hour, contemplating the question.

“Tell me about the Yisira Zyde. Everything.”

And then it began to add up. Poe had always been the speaker whenever we reported back to Deso, so I allowed him to take the lead, adding in a detail or two if he missed one and I deemed it necessary. 

Leia listened intently to his story, and rose to check her maps when coordinates and places were mentioned. 

I watched Poe while he spoke, looking at him, truly looking at him, for the first time in many months. He looked tired, as we all did, but not exhausted. He had stopped growing his hair out, thank the Gods, and wore a clean shaven face. He had grown so much, yet there was the seven year old who greeted me and introduced himself as the next greatest pilot in history. 

And there was so much good in him, behind the words he spoke, behind every smile and frown. It was in that moment he reminded me of his mother. Of her honesty and sincerity. I reminded myself to tell him that one day when he needed it.

“That was exceptionally foolish you.” Leia spoke to Poe, having heard my part of telling him not to go off chasing the First Order, “You barely got out of there with your life.”

“In my defense, General, there’s no way I couldn’t know I’d find a First Order staging point.” 

“But you hoped you would. Or something like it.”

“Yes.” He admitted after a moment.

“The need to do what’s right,” Leia looked to me, and then back to Poe for, “And maybe find a little adventure along the way… You remind me of my brother. Fly like him, too, apparently.” She paused here, “But what would I expect from Shara Bey and Kes Dameron’s son?”

We both looked at her in mild shock. Of course she would have known the both of them. Why wouldn’t she? The best in their fields, and they both spoke so highly of Luke and Han, Leia was bound to be around as well.

“Have you heard of the Resistance?” She asked us, taking our silence as a means to continue.

“Rumors, mostly.” I mumbled, as Poe was still in shock from the mention of his parents. 

“Such as?”

“Such as there’s a splinter of the Republic military that… that feels the Republic isn’t taking certain threats as seriously as they maybe ought to be taking them. Specifically the threat posed by the First Order.” Poe said carefully, not wanted to say anything too offensive.

“That’s a very diplomatic way to put it, but not an entirely inaccurate one.” Leia sat back in her chair, a light smile on her face as she looked between the two of us, “You’ve made some people very angry, you know that? The both of you. Not letting matters drop when you were told to, disobeying direct orders. Technically, one could argue that you stole a Republic X-Wing for personal use.”

Adrenaline pumped through my veins as she spoke, the severity of our actions sitting before us like an elephant in the room. 

“I’m a Republic officer, General.” Poe was ever the fighter, “I swore an oath to protect the Republic.”

“Poe, we’re in enough trouble, arguing isn’t going to-” I started, placing my hand on his upper arm. I truly liked General Organa, and did not want to see her upset with him.

“No, you both misunderstand. I like it, the both of you. Together. I can see why the two of you weren’t separated when you were positioned here. Poe, it was rash of you, as I said, it was foolish. And Sidra, ever the constant reminder that you’re not immortal.” She flashed me a knowing smile, “And both so passionate to do what’s right. Foolish and passionate are often confused, and passion is something we desperately need.”

I felt my jaw fall open a bit. What I had expected to be a rough talking to about our stupid mistakes ended up being a praise of our actions. 

“I can whitewash your little trip out to OR-Kappa-2722 for you. I can sweep it under the rug if you like. You can go back to leading Rapier Squadron and having your hands tied by Command, by Major Deso, by politicians who don’t recognize what’s happening right before their eyes. I can make it all go away, for the both of you.” Leia leaned forward, “Or you can join the Resistance and help us stop the First Order before it’s too late.”

“Where do I sign up?” Poe took no time agreeing to General Organa’s proposal. I, on the other hand, was a little more hesitant.

“I can see you thinking, Sidra.” I blinked, my mind still racing. Leia was looking very intently at me. So much so, it seemed like she was looking at my very thoughts, “You’re unsure?”

“I’m just worried, General Organa.” I found it difficult to say exactly what I was thinking, “I want to do what’s right. I was there with Poe and the others when Muran died, and I want the Republic to do something about it, even though I know they won’t, but at the same time…” I trailed off, organizing my thoughts, “Going against the Republic?”

“Sid, we aren’t going against them per se-”

“But we’re going behind their backs.” I looked to Poe, “It just feels… sneaky.”

“I’ll take whatever answer you give me, Sidra.” Leia was quietly, her gaze understanding.

“I can’t leave Poe.” I decided, not entirely resolute in my words, but knowing I didn’t, no, I couldn’t, stay behind and watch him leave, “I want to give Muran the justice he deserves, and the galaxy too.”

“I was hoping to not split the two of you up.” Leia winked at me, “We leave immediately.”


	17. The Resistance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _*I only own the characters you do not recognize- I in no way own Star Wars*_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **To The Stars and Back  
> **  
>  Chapter Seventeen; The Resistance  
> A Fanfiction written by TheObsessory  
> 

Whatever doubts I had about joining the Resistance had vanished within the first week. Both Poe and I remained Commanders, in charge of our own fighter wing, with Iolo and Karé (of course they joined us) promoted to captains underneath of us, responsible for their own squadrons of Dagger and Stiletto, respectively. 

Our jobs were numerous, as the Resistance was still small. We often went out on recruiting efforts to rope in new pilots, as well as scouting missions, long-range reconnaissance, and searching for signs of the First Order movement and positions. 

Countless meetings, briefings and debriefings were had between missions with General Organa, Major Ematt and even, to my excitement, Admiral Ackbar. 

We were much more useful to the Resistance, and were out more often than not, keeping Iolo and Karé well entertained. 

While new recruits were found every day, there were still many veterans with experience dating back to the Galactic Civil War. And what was most wonderful of all? Many of them had known Kes and Shara. The stories they told nearly brought me to tears, listening to them describe Shara as the woman I had known all those years ago, and I could see how happy Poe was. One night Poe admitted to me it felt like he had come home, and I couldn’t help but agree.

But of course, this home away from home didn’t make me miss my family any less.

“You WHAT?” It had been a couple of weeks since Leia had recruited Rapier Squadron for the Resistance when I received a holocall from Cerys and father one night. 

“Poe and I have joined the Resistance.” I repeated with a grin, inwardly cringing at the face my father made.

“So you just up and left the Republic Navy? Just like that?” Cerys, now sixteen, seemed in disbelief.

“Actually, General Leia Organa asked us to join personally.”

Cerys’s jaw dropped, and even my father seemed a little impressed.

“The Leia Organa? As in Princess Leia? Daughter to Anakin Skywalker and Padmé Amidala Leia Organa? Sister to Luke Skywalker Leia Or-”

“Yes!” I exclaimed to stop Cerys, laughing at the shock on her face, “The only Leia Organa in the galaxy, Cerys.” 

“You guys must be good…” Cerys mumbled, shaking her head.

I had failed to mention the near death mission that had led up to this ‘promotion’, but they didn’t need the gorey details.

“You should see how happy Poe is.” I smiled lightly at the thought of him sitting enthralled as he listened to the stories of his parents, “He really belongs here.”

“And do you?” My father asked, a single brow raised.

I almost said something along the lines of ‘I belong where Poe is’, but decided against it.

“Of course I do. You’d never believe half the people I meet or the adventures I go on.”

“Why isn’t primary school over?” Cerys whined, covering her face with her hands, “Just wait, one day I’ll be there with you too.” 

My head tilted in surprise.

“You want to join the Resistance?” I asked. This was the first time I had heard Cerys tell me what she wanted to be when she ‘grew up’. 

“If the galaxy needs saving, then I’m helping. Besides, it’s been years since I’ve seen you and Poe every day. It’s just not the same without you guys.”

“Well don’t rush it!” I laughed, “Dad and Kes aren’t ready to let go of you just yet.

“Will they ever?” She rolled her eyes sarcastically, but hugged father from the side with a laugh.

“Stay safe, Sidra.” My father said, his eyes sad.

“Of course. Tell Kes I said hello. Love you both.”

Once the holocall had ended, I went straight for Poe’s room, a spring in my step. I was pleasantly surprised at Cerys’s interest in the Resistance and would have to start talking to General Organa about it right away.

“Poe, you’ll never believe-”

I stopped myself as I opened Poe’s door, finding him in the middle of a holocall himself, only it wasn’t with Kes.

“Oh, hello Sidra.” Nusa’s face appeared floating in the green hologram, her mouth instantly became a thin line, “Still attached at the hip I see.” 

“Uh.” I flinched back, ready to close the door, “I’ll be back later.”

“No, Sid, wait.” Poe called over his shoulder, “I’ll call you back later, Nusa.” 

Nusa’s, and my, eyebrows flew up in surprise.

“No, Poe, trust me. I’ll do the calling.” Nusa threw him a bitter smile before ending the holocall.

“I could have just come back later…” I stated weakly, coming in and closing the door behind me, leaning against it uncomfortably.

“No, no, I’m sorry for her behavior.” Poe shook his hand at me as he stood up and flopped on his bed, running his hands over his eyes and through his hair, “What will I never believe?”

“Oh, right.” I walked over to the seat he had just vacated and sat in it backwards, pushing the situation that had just happened to the back of my mind to ponder later, “Cerys is thinking about joining the Resistance.”

“Really?” Poe glanced at me in surprise, a smile forming, “That’s great! I’m sure Leia’ll appreciate it as well. She’s not thinking of piloting is she?”

“Uh, not sure, she didn’t really say. Probably not, though. As far as I know, she’s never flown before. I’ll have to ask her…” I had forgotten about that one small detail. I tinkered with the chain around my neck before I recalled a question I had.

“So is it time?” I dropped my hands in excitement, resting my arms on the backrest of the chair.

“Time?” Poe question, his eyebrows meeting on his forehead.

I slid my index finger under silver chain, pulling it up so it was visible.

“Oh,” Poe chuckled, “Most definitely not.”

“‘Most definitely not’?” I echoed with a huff, “It’s almost been three years!”

“Yeah, well, it all depends on you.” He said with a grin.

I frowned and narrowed my eyes at Poe.

“You’re more cryptic than Yoda, and trust me, I’ve done a good couple of readings on his quotes.” I grumbled, resting my chin on my arms.

“MmmmmmMMMMMMMmmmm, funny joke.” Poe sat up, making this silly little voice parents would make when telling Yoda stories to their children. 

“Excuse me?” I asked as he stared at me, a wide grin on his face.

“What, you never heard about joke Yoda?” He asked in his normal voice, the grin not faltering a bit.

“...Joke Yoda?” I asked incredulously.

“Yeah, after Yoda retired from the Force, he became a comedian.” He laughed.

I closed my eyes and shook my head, “Poe no.”

“Here’s a good one from Tatooine.” He started in that obnoxious voice again, “What did Luke say to the guy who was bullying his sister?”

He paused and looked expectedly at me, but I just stared at him and shook my head in disbelief, trying to suppress the smile that was forming.

“You better not ‘Leia’ finger on her! MmmmmmmmMMMMMMMmmmm, funny joke!”

There was a single knock at the door before it opened and General Leia stood before us, her hands behind her back.

“Commanders.” She did a quick nod to the both of us, “I expect the both of you to be flying out tomorrow morning at 0800 to do some training with the rookies.”

“Yes, General Organa.” We answered together. I was barely able to contain the laughter bubbling in my throat.

“Goodnight, Commanders.” She turned, ready to walk out of the room, but paused, looking back over her shoulder at Poe, “And that was not a funny joke.”

With the door shut, Poe and I began to laugh, tears coming to my eyes as we tried to regain our breath.


	18. A Family United

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _*I only own the characters you do not recognize- I in no way own Star Wars*_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **To The Stars and Back  
> **  
>  Chapter Eighteen; A Family United  
> A Fanfiction written by TheObsessory  
> 

It had been four years since Leia Organa change my life around for good. 

Each year the Resistance grew in numbers and strength, but so did the First Order. Yet still the Republic did little to stop them. We were, however, doing our part, and putting dents into the First Order’s numbers and plans. The fighting, however, had been minimal over the last few years, although I believed it would grow steadily in the coming ones, despite the so called “peace treaty” between the Republic and First Order. This treaty did nothing to stop the First Order from entering into Republic space, but still, the senators did nothing.

My job, for the most part over these last four years, was recruitment. And recruit I had done. 

Sticking to her word, Cerys had recently joined the Resistance at a mere 20 years old. She never finished school, much to our father’s disappointment, but was hired by the Resistance the moment she contacted them. What little schooling she did have prepared her to work in the tech field, repairing and monitoring many different kinds tech, from communication to droids. At the moment, she worked as a tech apprentice, but was learning quickly.

Surprisingly enough, the moment Cerys signed up, so did father and Kes. Although officially “retired”, they had decided to offer their services to General Organa, and with our still relatively small numbers, she took them up on the offer immediately. Father worked as a doctor in the med bay and Kes, due to Poe’s prompting about his age, did not return to the field, but instead became a tech apprentice as well, already fairly well learned.

“Sidra.”

I jumped in my bed, sitting up immediately at the sound of a voice in my room. I blinked the blurriness out of my eyes, still exhausted from the trip I had just returned from. Standing near the door was Cerys with her arms crossed.

“Sleeping in?” She asked, coming to sit at the foot of my bed.

I flopped back down, pulling the covers back up to my chin.

“Sleeping in? You know I was at the Outer Rim territories doing recruitment and this is the first time I’ve slept in a real bed in days.” I grumbled into the sheets, looking my sister over.

Cerys’s appearance hadn’t changed much since she was fifteen. A little taller perhaps with a bit more of a curve to her body. And, well, her hair.

Her hair was long and usually kept down, but after a minor incident with spark that ignited in her hair- something that had been her Master’s fault, not hers -she pulled the thick brown hair up into two large buns that hung loosely at her neck. The damage to her hair had been minor, but the unevenness of the hair bothered Cerys until she shaved it off around her ear, a few inches shy of half of her head now bare skin. 

It wasn’t ugly in the slightest, if not a little odd. Cerys, however, liked it very much and decided to not let the hair grow out. 

“Oh whine, whine, whine. Shouldn’t you be used to it by now?” She scooted back on the bed and rested her back against the wall. 

“No, never. Bed’s are the best.” I grinned before tossing the blanket off and stretching my arms above my head.

“What’s that?”

I opened a singular eye to see Cerys pointed at my neck. 

“Poe gave it to me for my twenty first Birthday-” Already seven years ago. -”It was his. When I asked him what it meant, he said he’d ‘tell me when I’m ready’. But apparently I’m still not ready, so.” I shrugged.

Cerys eyed me curiously for a moment before nodding.

“Well don’t forget: you, father and I are having lunch this afternoon.” Cerys told me on her way out, glancing over her shoulder, “Don’t be late!”

“Wouldn’t dream of it!” I called after her before the door closed.

I glanced at the clock, stretching my entire body as it shook comfortably. 

I got ready quickly, despite being awake before my alarm sounded, and ate a small breakfast, reading up on any news I may have missed over the night.

Once I had finished eating, I headed for General Organa’s office, stopping by Poe’s room along the way. He had just emerged when I got there.

“So, has Leia told you anything about this meeting, or are we both in the dark?”

I had received the message from General Organa last night when I had gotten in, glancing over it briefly before sleep took me. Poe, other hand, hadn’t been out on a mission recently.

“I know just as much as you.” Was his answer.

Upon entering the General’s office, we both took a seat at her desk, most, if not all, formalities lost. While we still called her General, much to her dislike, we had grown to be relatively good friends. 

“This is Senator Erudo Ro-Kiintor.” Leia immediately brought up a holo of the senator, the rotation showing a tall, thin human, entirely bald, wearing a narrow-slitted visor over his eyes. The image changed to a schematic of a ship.

“This is the Hevurion Grace, Senator Ro-Kiintor’s personal yacht.” Leia continued.

“It’s a Pinnacle-class luxury ship, made by Vekker Corp. I’ve seen Pinnacles once or twice before. They’re exclusive ships, everything aboard handmade, or so Vekker advertises. Only the very wealthy can afford them. They trade luxury for efficiency, practically hang an invitation off the hull for pirates saying, ‘Money in here’.” Poe rattled on.

I made eye contact with Leia mid way through Poe’s speech, shaking my head lightly. I was almost entirely sure both Leia and I already knew what he was spouting, but neither of us interrupted him. Let him have his fun. The General gave me a wink.

“Could you fly one?” She asked us once Poe had finished.

“Sure.” Poe ran his hand through his hair, “It’s designed to be flown by a single pilot, though it crews better with two. Not counting, of course, any servants the owner may want aboard.”

“Good. I want you to steal it.”

Poe grinned and I frowned. We were resorting to stealing? And from a senator…

“Sure. Anything else you’d like while I’m at it? Maybe pick you up one of those new Nebulon-Ks?”

I shot an exasperated look toward Poe.

“What’s this about, General?” I quickly interjected before Poe could carry on, “Stealing?” 

“We’ve suspected Senator Ro-Kiintor of colluding with the First Order for years, SIdra.” Leia answered, her eyes intent, “He’s delayed or derailed motions covering everything from sanctions to increased support for the Republic Navy. He’s taken numerous unscheduled and impromptu vacations to locations in the buffer region, in the neutral territories. There’ve been sightings of the Hevurion Grace in First Order space. Large sums transferred to his accounts through shells and third-party corporations via the CSA. He’s not only in with the First Order, but he’s in deep. He may have access to the top, to General Hux. Perhaps to Snoke.”

I felt a little less annoyed at the fact Leia was asking us to steal a ship, but it still didn’t sit right. The ends did not always justify the means. And she knew this bothered me as she continued.

“But we haven’t been able to prove any of this. No hard evidence, just circumstantial. And we’ve tried, believe me. Twice in the last year Ematt’s sent his agents aboard the Hevurion Grace after one of the senator’s trips, trying to access the logs, the navicomputer, to prove where he’s been. Each time the files had been purged prior to landing.”

“You want me to kidnap a Republic senator?”

My hand came up to my forehead, rubbing at the already forming headache.

“No, no, that’s precisely what I don’t want you to do.” At least Leia had a little bit of sense, “I want the ship, I want the logs, the navicomputer data, all of it, before anyone’s had a chance to cover their tracks, you understand? But no loss of life, not even a bruise on the senator of any of the crew aboard if it can be possibly helped. And it must be completely deniable. Ro-Kiintor is a traitor, I’m sure of it, but until we can prove it, he remains a member of the Senate, and the Resistance will honor that. We must honor that, or we’re no better than the First Order.”

“Stealing makes us no better than the First Order.” I mumbled, avoiding Leia’s gaze, “Besides, how will this ‘evidence’ we find hold up in any court. ‘Oh we just happened to find your stolen ship floating around in the middle of nowhere’?” 

“It will have to do.” Leia was resolute. There was no changing her mind, and Poe was all for it.

“If they’re purging the data, they’re almost certainly doing so within minutes of coming out of hyperspace.”

“That’s Ematt’s thinking as well.” Both continued on despite my discomfort with the situation.

“It’s a very tight window in which to take the ship. And it’ll have to be done in space, it can’t wait until the senator’s landed.”

“I am aware of that. I’m aware of exactly how difficult this mission will be. Which is why I’m giving you both the option to say no. I have to stress this,” I brought my eyes up to meet hers, “This is not an order. It could go very, very wrong, and if it does, the Resistance would have to deny any involvement. You would both be on your own.”

Poe looked inquiringly at me. 

I knew he could do the job on his own. In fact, I’m surprise General Organa didn’t contact just him. Then again, any missions we did, we did in groups, though not always together. Going alone would be dangerous.

“While I don’t condone stealing, suspected traitor or not, who else is going to keep an eye on Poe and make sure he doesn’t get himself killed?” I looked back to Leia, her eyes lightening as Poe clapped me on the back.

“We’re going to need a few things.”

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

“First of all, this is a volunteer mission,” It was dinner time, later that night. The plan, it had been nicknamed Operation: Sabre Strike, was to take place three evenings from now. We sat with Iolo and Karé as we finished our meals, “You want to take a pass, it will most definitely not be held against. you. I will probably think even more highly of you if you say no. It verges on crazy. It is entirely unofficial.”

“I love it when he talks like this.” Karé sighed, leaning back in her chair casually, “You always know it’s going to be something good when he talks like this.”

“I’m not sure it’s something ‘good’.” Iolo argued.

“We haven’t heard it yet-”

“And you won’t unless you let him talk.” I blinked in their direction.

BB-8 took at as his cue and rolled forward, projecting the visuals and briefings from his lens. 

“-It’s a tight window.” Poe was finishing us his spiel as I prodded questioningly at some jell-o on my plate, “We have to hit the ship the moment it comes out of hyperspace, we have to disable it, get me and Sid aboard, get the senator and anyone else on the ship into the escape pods and off the vessel, restart the engines, and then get out of there again. And we have to do it within eight minutes.”

I shook my head, calculating everything that could possibly go wrong. 

“Why eight minutes?” Iolo asked.

“Republic response time to the Uvoss system,” Karé answered for Poe, “It’s not on any of the patrol routes and that’s probably why the senator’s been using it as his hyperspace entry and exit when he’s taking these little jaunts.”

“But the first thing they’ll do when they realize they’re under attack is send out a distress call.” Poe continued, “Nearest Republic squadron will need at least eight minutes to respond.”

“So we need to be gone by the time they get there.” Iolo muttered to himself, his own mind thinking.

“Exactly.”

“At least eight minutes?”

“Minimum.” I tried to look at the bright side of the situation, “Could take them longer.”

“Then let’s hope it takes them longer.”

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Over the next three days, we prepared ourselves. Since our mission required deniability, we couldn’t use our Resistance-affiliated vessels. Poe managed to scrape up four Incom Z-95 Headhunters. Although a completely different ship, they were remarkably close to the X-Wing class of ship, making piloting them a breeze. The only problem, however, what that none of the Z-95’s were fitted for astromech assist, meaning one, no droids, and two, all of the hyperspace jumps needed to be preprogrammed, including the data chip Poe and I would bring onto the Hevurion Grace.

We waited a long seven hours, floating in the silence of space, our comms. down to maintain radio silence. The Z-95’s cockpit was a bit smaller, much to the displeasure of the others, but I, on the other hand, hadn’t grown too long in the leg and was mildly comfortable.

Exhaustion was kicking in, despite having slept a decent amount before we flew out. Unable to slap my face due to the helmet, I shook my head to rid myself of the drowsiness. 

Iolo’s engines switching on alerted us all to the oncoming ship, his Keshian eyes seeing something we humans could not. 

The moment the Hevurion Grace appeared, the four of us shot toward her. The broadcasted distress signal went up, and I keyed a control on the arm of my suit, a timer popping into view in my helmet. Poe, no doubt, had done the same. Eight minutes.

Shots were had on both sides, but the only ones that connected were Iolo’s. Blue tendrils raced like lightning bolts over the ship, and it went dead. Only thirty seconds had passed.

Both Poe and I shot toward the Hevurion Grace, stopping a small way from her and turning autopilot on. We watched as the ship loomed towards us and then ejected into space from our ships, floating weightless as we waited for the bigger ship. Once within a good enough reach, we signalled each other and turned the maneuver jets on for our space suits.

With our Z-95’s abandoned and floating toward one of the nearby gas giants, we slammed ungracefully into the yacht. My eyes blurred for a moment, my head pounding from the impact. The both of us, though dazed from our crash landing, scrambled for the nearest access port, Poe pulling a fusion torch from his belt to break the seals.

I watched the timer as Poe worked, shivering lightly to myself. It wasn’t every day I went walking in space. We had been trained to do so, of course, but that had been years ago.

With the last seal popped, the both of us pulled and pushed at the door, fighting our own weightlessness to get inside, our magnetized boots doing little to help us. 

Poe slipped through first, and I followed him easily. We wasted a few more seconds resealing the door before we began down a ladder into the ship. 

By the time Poe reached the bottom, the power had returned, including the gravity. I was jerked suddenly down, my thickly gloved hands unable to hold on to the rungs of the ladder. 

A strangled yelp of surprise escaped my lips as I started falling. 

Poe, luckily, had been standing on the ground when gravity returned, and clumsily caught me.

“Who’s saving who now?” He laughed quickly, setting me upright on the ground. We both grabbed our blasters as Poe switched on the speakers on his suit.

“This vessel is now the property of the Irving Boys!” His speakers distorted his voice, making him sound more droid than human.

Three people stood in the hallway when we emerged. One looked to be a pilot, another a servant and the last was the Senator himself, each wearing a look of surprise and terror. Thank goodness for tinted visors.

“Do you know who I am? How dare-” The Senator started in a squeaking voice, visibly shaking as I aimed my blaster in his direction. 

Poe fired a shot into the deck, cause the three onlookers to jump. I nearly did as well, surprised by the noise.

“Mine!” Poe yelled, the droid like voice screeching, “You’re good stock! You’ll make a fine slave!”

I smiled behind my visor at Poe, his ridiculous voice still familiar to my ears. 

“Now… now let’s not do anything hasty…” The senator grabbed the servant and placed her between us and him.

“You have ten seconds to leave our ship! Or else you’ll be mine, too!” Poe fired a second shot into the deck for emphasis, all three of them trampling over one another to reach the escape pods.

We chuckled to each other as we ran for the cockpit, pleased with how this mission was going so smoothly. Perhaps my fears had been for nothing- Poe wasn’t being quite as reckless as I expected.

We tossed our suits and helmets to the floor, no longer needing protection from space. Poe had just plugged the data chip into the navicomputer when Iolo’s voice came over the comm.

“Uh oh.” 

We jumped up to search the empty space, my heart pounding. Had we underestimated the reaction time of the Republic? I then realized whatever Iolo had seen would not be visible to our human eyes just yet, but just as that thought crossed my mind, two Star Destroyers had appeared before us, countless TIEs flooding into the space around them. 

“First Order!” Poe shouted into his com, “Jump! Both of you get out of here!”

The proximity alarms on the Hevurion Grace began their high pitched screams and I launched myself toward the switches to shut them up. 

“Commander, what’s you time to jump?” Karé’s voice came over the comm. next.

“I gave you an order, Captain Kun.” Poe put on his serious voice as we worked on getting the hyperdrive working.

“Sorry, can’t hear you because of all these TIE fighters coming at me.”

“Guys, we’re fine. Just make the jump.” I said into my own comm. quickly, watching the systems aboard the Hevurion Grace come back to life.

“It’s gonna be about forty, forty-five seconds.” Poe answered a moment after me, “I can evade these slugs for that long.”

“So about a minute and a half.” Iolo wasn’t that far off, “You’re a bad liar, Poe.”

“I am not.”

“Now’s not the time to argue.” I growled, eyes searching for anything else I could do. At this point it was mostly a waiting game. We wouldn’t be able to make the jump until the hyperdrive motivator was ready.

“We’ll keep them off your backs, Commanders. Make your back hard for them to climb onto to begin with.” Karé chuckled, her cockpit rattling over her comm.

“You’re both disobeying my orders.” Poe had kicked up the thrust on the yacht’s ion engines.

“As if you expected them to do any less!” I shot back quickly, watching for Iolo and Karé among the enemy ships.

They were, for the most part, ignored by the seventeen or so TIEs that were making a beeline straight for us. They were obviously intent on stopping us.

The yacht wasn’t nearly as hard to pilot as I had expected it to be. 

We leaped toward one of the gas giants, dodging and weaving, making ourselves a harder target to hit. The TIEs did not relent, but neither did Iolo and Karé. In a mere few seconds, the fleet of TIEs that followed us had been cut in half, scaring the few that remained from their pursuit of us.

“Leave some for the rest of us.” Poe said brightly, still making for the gas giant.

“You snooze, you lose. Time until jump? For real, please.” Karé asked quickly.

“Forty more seconds.” I answered her, glancing around the controls. It was the last thing we were waiting on.

We jumped as a bright light imploded before us, causing the yacht to sway with the force of the shot. Two more TIEs appeared overhead, a million lights and sirens going off on the control panel. 

Neither of us needed to say anything, as the TIEs were blasted a few seconds later.

“That Resurgent class is closing fast.” Karé called.

“You guys need to go, now.” Poe commanded.

“Right after you do.” Both of their responses came back.

“Quit trying to save them and focus, Poe. They’re not leaving.” If I had a ship for each time I reminded Poe of this, I’d have had a whole fleet years ago.

“Head for the Resurgent class.” Poe swung the nose of the yacht around suddenly.

“Say what now?” Karé spoke for all three of us.

“One hit from those turbo blasters and we’re done.” Iolo agreed. 

“And one hit from those turbo blasters those TIEs are done, too.”

“That close, you’re vulnerable to their tractors beams-” I argued.

“Resurgent beam emitters are to the prow.” Poe cut me off, “We won’t come at it from the font.”

“Oh, well, that settles that.” Karé resigned herself to Poe’s plan immediately, if not a bit sarcastically, “Sure, let’s charge the Star Destroyer. Why not? Coming, Iolo?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“You’re insane.” I muttered to Poe, my eyes not leaving the countdown for the hyperdrive.

“Iolo, check your port side.”

I followed Poe’s eyes, seeing a white mist wafting from the middle of Iolo’s ships wing

“I know. Not much I can do about it now.”

“Break.” For once, Poe had decided not to argue. Perhaps he’d start listening to me.

More shots from the Resurgent detonated in front of us, the yacht shaking with the force of the explosion. 

“I thought you said we weren’t coming from the front.” I questioned, catching myself from flying face first into the controls from the shutter of the ship.

“Plans change.” Poe said quickly, completely focused on flying. 

Iolo and Karé’s talking was happening in the background, on both the comm. and my mind as I watched Poe maneuver around the Resurgent, TIEs falling left and right. 

“-hit, been hit, losing power-”

The comm. became the center of my attention now.

“Iolo jump!” I commanded, waiting for the sound of his voice, unable to find him in the floating debris and racing TIEs.

“Not going to leave you!” He answered back. 

“We’re leaving together.” The hyperdrive motivator deeped in announcement, ”Break off and jump to lightspeed!”

My head snapped back against the seat as the mess of TIEs, Star Destroyers and the gas giants were left behind in a blur.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Iolo and Karé were already waiting for us when we landed. We greeted each other with shouts and hugs, still in disbelief that this whole endeavor had gone so smoothly. We all spoke at the same time, thanking each other for the saves or laughing at how lucky Iolo had been with that busted wing of his.

“Muran would’ve loved to have seen that.” Iolo said.

We all drew quiet, remembering the situation that lead to this mission in the first place

“He’d have been proud.” Karé said.

“And maybe now he can rest.” I added in. 

Spotting General Organa across the bay, Poe clapped Iolo and Karé on the shoulders.

“Go get cleaned up,” He told them, “We’ll have a toast to Muran.” 

Once they both left, Leia approached us, still near the ramp of the Hevurion Grace.

“3P0, go abroad please and see what you can get from the flight computers.” The General told the shiny gold droid that accompanied her nearly everywhere.

“Of course, Princess Leia. I mean General, oh dear!” He threw his hands up before making his way up the ramp.

“I’m glad to see you both back in one piece. Captain’s Kun and Arana as well. I take it everything went to plan?” 

Poe and I glanced at each other.

“Well you weren’t wrong about the Senator.”


	19. So This Is Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _*I only own the characters you do not recognize- I in no way own Star Wars*_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **To The Stars and Back  
> **  
>  Chapter Nineteen; So This is Goodbye  
> A Fanfiction written by TheObsessory  
> 

Poe and I debriefed with Leia the next morning, which is what we usually would have done straight after coming in after our mission. C-3P0 needed time to go through the databases on the Hevurion Grace before a thorough debriefing could be had. We had both received messages from the General early that morning, telling us to meet her at her office immediately.

We both sat at her desk, but Leia paced around the room.

“How are you feeling?” She asked us abruptly.

“I’m… I’m fine, General.”

“Same goes for me.” We answered quickly.

“I’ll rephrase that,” She arched an eyebrow, “What are you feeling?”

“I’m angry.” Poe admitted, “And I’m worried, General. A member of the Republic Senate was in so deep with the First Order that when he put out a distress call they came to try and rescue him, and when they did it, they pulled out all the stops. Two Star Destroyers and I couldn’t count how many TIEs, and maybe they knew he was no longer aboard but maybe they didn’t, but they wanted Hevurion Grace destroyed. They were willing to kill their man to keep us from taking that vessel.”

“And you, Sidra?” Both pairs of eyes went to me.

“I’m angry, too, but I’m not surprised.” I shivered slightly at the cold air, “It’s a different situation, but still so similar. There are those on the Senate who are corrupt, leading the Republic to believe that peace can be held with the First Order. And they’re just spouting lies. And they’re going to keep doing that until they’re accused, justly, then tried.”

“Yet you still both believe in the Republic.”

“Absolutely, yes.” “Of course.” We answered in unison, but Poe continued on, “I remember how my parents spoke about life under the Empire. The fear, they said it was like a cloud everywhere you went, that it was so thick you could… you could breathe it. They used to say, until the Rebellion… they said you could see hopelessness in the eyes of everyone you met.”

“That’s the word,” Leia said quietly, more to herself, “Without hope.”

“Where did it go?” He asked.

“I don’t know,” She said, “But I know we have to find it again. And we will.”

She dug around in a drawer on her desk for a moment before pulling out a slender data chip, holding it up for both Poe and I to examine.

“We obtained a lot of information from the computers aboard the Hevurion Grace.” The General started, “A wealth of information. But there was something else, something that… others may have missed. A piece of a puzzle I’ve been working for… for a long time to solve.”

A sadness overcame Leia just then. A sadness that had sprouted once or twice, but none so much as now. 

“I think the FIrst Order is trying to solve it, too.” She sat the data chip before us, “We have to solve it first. We have to find him first.”

“Who?” We asked together, both a bit lost.

“His name is Lor San Tekka.”

“Lor San Tekka.” Poe repeated.

“Why’s the First Order so desperate to find him?”

“They think he knows something. I’m hoping he does, too.” She finally sat down, a fire of hope burning in her eyes, “I’m hoping Lor San Tekka knows where to find my brother. And Luke Skywalker may be the only hope we have left.”

LINE BREAK HERE YO

“I can’t believe I’m not going. Actually I can’t believe I was ordered not to.” I growled, sitting cross legged on Poe’s bed.

It was a couple of days after Poe and I had received the data chip hopefully leading to Luke Skywalker from Leia. The trail Tekka left behind was confusing and crypted; mostly small bits that the First Order had picked up on here and there. Poe would have to figure the rest of the puzzle out himself.

When we confronted Leia with what little information we had taken from the chip, Leia had been clear I was not to go.

“What?” I shot back a bit too quickly, “Why not?”

“The two of you would draw too much unwanted attention. What little pieces you have are in some very unfavorable places in the galaxy, most likely teaming with First Order spies. If they start seeing you in all the places they’re checking, you’re lighting the beacon straight towards you and probably right on Tekka as well. If it’s just Poe, he’ll stand out less.”

Her logic was solid, but I still wasn’t happy.

“It’s a one man job, anyway, Sid. What are you so worried about?” Poe tossed a small bag onto the bed next to me, rummaging through drawers and his closet for some clothes. No one knew how long it would take to find Tekka.

“I’m worried about you, Poe. You’ve gotten better but you’re still reckless.”

I caught whatever clothes he flung into the bag and folded them neatly before placing them back in, biting the inside of my lip.

“This’ll be your first mission alone.”

“It is not.” He began rummaging through some of his desk drawers, “I’ve been out on my own dozens of times.”

“Maybe, but nothing like this. You’re going to have the First Order on your tail straight off the get go, no doubt. And who’s going to be there to watch your back?”

BB-8 chirped from where he sat on the ground, clearly offended.

“Okay, who else who can handle a gun and take over complete navigation of your ship should something happen to you?” I said this direction to the orange droid, smiling at his discontented blips, “Besides, something doesn’t feel right, and hasn’t for the last few weeks. It’s like something is coming. And I’m worried Poe. It feesl like the calm before the storm, like a wave about to crash on the beach. I’m worried-”

“I get it!” Poe exclaimed, turning on his heel to stare straight at me, “You’re worried! If you wanted to worry about me and hound at me like my wife, you had your chance years ago.”

My mouth snapped shut as we stared at each other, my heart rate picking up. 

“We had this conversation a while ago.” I swallowed the lump forming in my throat, “I told you I was scared-”

“You were scared?” Poe let out a bark of laughter, “You think you were scared? How do you think I felt, Sid? Every decision I made wasn’t just for me. If it all came falling down, if it went up in flames, it wasn’t just me taking the fall, it was you. You’ve been following me our whole lives, school, jobs, everything.” He paused here, shaking his head, “You were scared of change? Well here’s some advice: When it feels scary to jump, that is exactly when you jump, Sid. Otherwise you end up staying in the same place your whole life.”

We both fell silent. 

I was unable to find any words to convey what I felt- I honestly wasn’t sure what I felt. 

“That night when I kissed you?” He began to talk again, “I was convinced because you’d been following me for the last eight years, you’d follow me forever. I had fallen so in love with you. Your smile, your ability to make me laugh, to make me feel better, even when mom…” He took a deep breath, “I wanted you to follow me everywhere. I wanted to join the Resistance and fight side by side with you like my own parents did. I wanted to marry you and when all this had ended, when the galaxy was finally at peace again, I wanted to go back to Yavin 4 and have a family with you. I wanted to show our children the tree my mom planted and tell them all the stories of the galaxy from the beginning of time.”

I could hardly keep my eyes on him, he looked so pained.

I caused this. 

I hadn’t noticed the tears dampening my cheeks until then.

In a miserable silence, Poe finished packing his bag, zipped it up and turned to the door without another look toward me, BB-8 following cautiously at his feet, confused beeps sounding every once in awhile.

“To be fair.” Poe paused at the door when I finally mustered up enough courage to talk, “You say I’ve been following you… but you never let go of my hand.”

After a few more moment of silence, Poe lifted the shoulder strap over his head and walked out of the room, the door sliding closed behind him.


	20. The Force

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _*I only own the characters you do not recognize- I in no way own Star Wars*_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **To The Stars and Back  
> **  
>  Chapter Twenty; The Force  
> A Fanfiction written by TheObsessory  
> 

_Cold metal was wrapped around my wrists. I struggled weakly but could not pull loose. The restraints were too tight. It was warm in this room, sweat had collected on the edge of my shirt. The drops of salty water tickled at my forehead, but I could do nothing to remove them._

_Yet deep inside, I felt no panic. I was unbelievably calm for my predicament._

This isn’t me.

_And yet here I was, living it. The room was dark. Soundless. Comforting in a way._

It’s too quiet. It makes my heart race. Why aren’t I screaming? Can someone help me?

_I knew help would not come. Therefore I didn’t waste was little energy I had._

That’s when the pain came to me.

_Freshly spilled blood mingled with the sweat on my forehead, thick and warm. My lip throbbed. A couple of ribs ached- had they been broken? And still, I remained calm._

Why haven’t you fought back?

_I had resigned myself. I had known my job was dangerous. Rather me than her._

Who?

_Sidra._

The sound of my name in my thoughts was delicate, like a blanket being placed over an infant. My own face flashed before my closed eyes. Smiling. Laughing. And there. My face the night Poe left. The tears.

_“I had no idea we had best pilot in the Resistance on board.”_

_A dark voice made the memories of Sidra- of me -disappear. I opened my eyes and was greeted with the mask. The one who had taken me. Who had killed everyone else._

Who was killed?

_“Comfortable?”_

_“Not really.” I mumbled back._ This wasn’t my voice, yet it escaped my lips.

_“I’m impressed.” The masked figure stepped forward from the shadows, “No one has been able to get out of you what you did with the map.”_

_“You might want to rethink your technique.”_ No, don’t provoke him! _A great force radiated from the figure who stood before me, but I couldn’t care less._

_The figure raised a hand, and a probing began. My memories were being tossed around in my head like sand in a sandstorm. Everyone of them scanned and tossed aside. I could feel fingers working through them, a great pain growing._

_I was tossed backwards, my head slamming against the chair. My eyes crossed, blurred._

_“Where is it?” I tried to resist him, to bat at the hands that worked so effortlessly through my deepest and most guarded thoughts._

_“The Resistance,” I strained to form words, “Will not be intimidated by you.”_

_“Where… is it?” I slumped forward, wrists rubbing against the cuffs painfully. The hands multiplied, searching further. Searching carelessly through all._

_I released a scream from the pit of my stomach, willing with all my might to combat this darkness._

I sat up with a jerk, the scream still ringing in my ears as I jumped to my feet, a cold sweat on my forehead, reminiscent of a few moments ago, as I stopped and listened. Had the First Order found us? After a few moments of waiting I took a deep breath, doing my best to calm my nerves.

It had just been a dream.

I sat on the edge of my bed, holding my head in my hands as a painful headache started once more. The scream had been so real. It’s like whoever did it was sitting right next to me. Like it had been me. My heart was still pounding in fear.

The headache grew quickly, growing unbearable as I whimpered, trying to massage it away. I began to sweat profusely, trying to fight whatever this was. 

And just as quickly as it began, it was gone. I panted as I had been holding my breath during the whole ordeal, releasing my fingers from my forehead.

Even in the darkness of my room, I could see a glistening dark liquid dripping down my left fingers.

I gasped as I felt along my left temple and hairline, looking for whatever could have caused this, but when I drew my fingers back to inspect them, there was no blood. 

Had it been me there, in that seat? Had I seen the future once again? 

Poe.

I don’t know why my mind immediately went to him. It had been a week since he left on his mission to find Tekka, and as far as I knew he’d sent a message every night recapping what he’d done so far. 

I took a deep breath. To shoo away any fears I had, I would go read the message he sent tonight, proof that there was nothing wrong and I was just seeing things out of exhaustion.

“BB-5.” The droid immediately bleeped awake, rolling toward me questioningly, “Come with me.”

I slipped on my boots, but didn’t bother to clean up my appearance too much. I didn’t expect too many people to be crawling around at three in the morning.

It was quiet, walking through the halls, with the exception of BB-5’s occasional blip or the sound of him rolling over a metal grate in the floor.

Surprisingly enough, the central compound was completely empty. What was usually always bustling and busy was reduced to the quiet hum of the machines that still worked without their owners. 

I sat down on a chair, pulling up to a computer.

“BB-5, search for any messages from Poe.” I instructed the droid.

I would have done it manually myself, but I wasn’t as savvy with a regular computer as other people were. Besides, I had no idea where to look in the first place. 

“He didn’t send one in last night.” 

I jumped in my chair, swivelling it around to see Leia standing there, her arms crossed and a tired look permanently drawn on her face. It looked like she never went to sleep.

“Oh.” Was all I could muster, fear gripping me. What I had just witnessed… was real. Something was wrong, “You should have let me go with him.”

“Why is that?” The General took a seat nearby, leaning against the back of it.

“There’s something wrong with him. I don’t know how I know, or why I know, but I can just… feel it.” I was hesitant to tell her further what had happened in my room, fearing that she would think me absolutely daft, but I continued on,”I’ve been hearing things, General. And seeing them.I was there. And just a few moments ago I had this headache. It was like someone was in my mind, pushing things around, searching for something. And it hurt…”

Leia sat up straight, her tired eyes suddenly looking bright.

“And this has happened before.” It wasn’t a question.

I probed my memories.

“I had a vision once and it came true. I also moved a carpet with just my thoughts. Poe thought I was force sensitive-” 

“From what I’m hearing, it sounds like he was correct.” Leia smiled at me, “Luke would know for sure, but everything you’ve told me sounds like force sensitivity. Visions of the future, being highly aware of those most precious to you, the ability to move things on a whim.”

“I… don’t know.” I mumbled back, “This is the first time this has happened again for over twenty years.”

“Let me guess. The first time it happened was when Shara Bey died?” 

“Well, right before.” I corrected.

“And you were living near Poe. Near the force sensitive tree?”

“How do you-?” I was confused as to how she knew all this information already. 

“Poe questioned me about the force a couple years ago. He seemed interested in it and when I asked him why, he mentioned you. Because you weren’t showing any other signs, and Poe knew nothing about any other visions you could have had, I just assumed it was the force sensitive tree heightening your abilities, as they’re sometimes known to do, but it seems it never left you.” Leia smiled sadly, “It seems your abilities arise whenever your closest friends are in danger.”

“I’m worried about him.” My heart pumped uneasily in my chest, “When he left… we fought. I’d never be able to forgive myself if that’s the last memory he has of me and he-”

“Poe Dameron is not going to die, Sidra.” Leia said forcefully, her face solemn

“How can you be sure?” I whispered.

“You think my father gave Luke all of his force sensitivity?” A small smile brightened her face, “Poe still has a story to tell Sidra. Something tells me it’s a big one, as well. Whether you’ll be apart of it or not is still… undetermined.”  
LINE BREAK HERE YO

A few days after my late night talk with Leia, Poe was officially announced to be MIA. Not a single report had been put in since I went looking. 

Although Kes was devastated he continued to work, albeit with fewer laughs. He was worried about Poe, but I think he felt he was still alive. I, on the other hand, was unsure.

I hadn’t had a single dream or vision about Poe since that night, and every time I thought of that, I felt my anxiety climb. Could he really be dead?

“Are you alright?”

Cerys had come to visit me the night after the announcement had been made, her eyes still red and swollen from her own tears.

I shook my head, my fingers freezing as I clasped them together.

“I’m a horrible person, Cerys.” I choked out, brushing the tears away with the shoulder of my shirt.

“No you are not.” My little sister sat on the bed next to me, her arms wrapped around one of my own and her head leaning against my shoulder.

It was then I decided Cerys deserved to know the whole truth. So I quickly told her about my fifteenth Birthday and the small instances in between that had led up to Poe’s leaving.

“Oh, those things.” Cerys pulled away, an annoyed face appearing, “I already knew about most of that.”

“How?” I asked. She had either been a baby or not around when most of the things I told her happened, but perhaps she was more observant than I realized.

“Poe told me, of course. After I asked you about that chain around your neck, I went and asked him, and he told me everything. Including what the chain meant.” I stared at her expectantly, awaiting a further explanation. I could see it in her eyes, that she knew something I didn’t and it was eating me alive. But I had waited long enough.

With a sigh, Cerys shifted positions, crossing her legs on the bed.

“Kes gave that chain to Shara when he asked her to marry him. And Shara gave it to Poe when he was born.” She said simply.

My eyebrows scrunching in confusion. She had to be lying to me, which was extremely incensitive of her given the circumstances

“He was with another girl- Nusa -when he gave me this, Cerys. Why would he want to marry me when he loved someone else-?”

“He loves you, Sidra. I don’t know how you could be so blind. We all saw it. I think Leia sees it too. But after what happened on your fifteenth birthday, he gave you the space you needed. And then when the whole Nusa-overhearing-Poe’s-lie thing went down, he told her everything. About how he’d always wait for you and while he cared about her, he couldn’t feel the same way about her. They stuck together for a bit after that, but once you guys both joined the Resistance, they lost contact.” I was still confused, “What, you think just because you told him you wanted to be friends that would instantly make him not love you any more? That’s not how it works, big sister. And I know you love him too, even if you don’t think you do.”

“I don’t know what to think any more.” I buried my face in my hands, my fingers shockingly cold against my bright red cheeks. 

“He said that you told him you were afraid he would stop loving you if you guys got together. That you would lose him.” Cerys said quietly, her hand resting on my shoulder, “And that is… the stupidest thing I’ve heard ever.”

I glanced up at the change of tone in her voice.

“You think a boy who would drag you half way across the universe to go to school would just up and stop caring for you?” She punched my shoulder lightly, “I thought you were smarter than that.”

“Well it doesn’t matter now.” I shrugged her hand away, my own anger growing, “Because he’s missing and who knows when he’ll come back, or if he ever will. And now… I get to live with that guilt.”

Cerys smiled sadly as she once again wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into a sideways hug, “He’ll be back, Sid.” My heart beat painfully when she called me ‘Sid’ as Poe so often did, “This is true love, you think this happens every day?”

I scoffed.

“Promise me you’ll tell him how you feel when he comes back.” Cerys whispered against my shoulder, “You’ve been together for as long as I’ve known, what harm could come out of spending the rest of your lives together?”

“I promise.” I told her, although I was already calculating all the problems that stood between me and fulfilling that promise. He had to come back alive, first.

“Take care, okay?” She told me as she stood up, “I’ll see you in a few days.”

“Few days?” I questioned, “Where are you going?”

“Kes and a few of the others are heading to Hosnian Prime later tonight to get some parts. We’ll be back before you even know we’re gone.” Cerys rolled her eyes as she backed toward the door. Clearly she was tired of being the baby, “Besides, I need to get off this base for a while.”

“Be safe.” I called after her as the door started to close, “I love you!”


	21. About Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _*I only own the characters you do not recognize- I in no way own Star Wars*_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **To The Stars and Back  
> **  
>  Chapter Twenty One; About Time  
> A Fanfiction written by TheObsessory  
> 

I slept little that night, my pulse racing in anticipation- anticipation for what was beyond me. I got up and exercised, trying to exhaust myself, but still my heart pumped painfully against my ribs. Was I glad I was finally feeling something? Maybe it meant Poe was still alive. And as I lay there in the dark, trying to clear my mind, my door was opened.

“Sidra?” I strained my eyes to recognize the shape of the person before me. The voice, however, gave it away.

“General?” I stood up from my bed, “Is there something wrong?”

“You’re going to want to see this.” And with that, Leia turned around, took a right, and disappeared. 

I threw on my boots and raced after her. Had Poe sent a message? Was he alright? Was this why I couldn’t sleep?

Once I caught up with the, surprisingly quick, General, I began to question her, my own mind racing.

“Is it Poe? Did he finally send in a message? Is he alright? Did he find Tekka?” 

Leia held up a hand to silence me, but said nothing to ease my racing pulse.

We stopped at the large med bay doors when she finally turned to me. With a smile, she inclined her head toward one of the windows in the door.

After a quick glance between her and the window, I walked over to it, peeking into the nearly dark room. All lights but one at the very end of the long room were off. My father’s back was to the door as he was helping the patient sitting on the table. I stood there for a few minutes, trying to see the patient until my father finally moved and there sat Poe, bruised and a bit bloody, but alive.

My breath hitched in my throat, and I wanted nothing more than to push that doors open and run to him. I wanted to scold him for being so reckless and not sending a message, hug him for finally returning, yell at him for the things he had said before he left, beg for forgiveness for the things I had said… Was this what love was like?

“Yes.”

I pulled away from the window, glancing to Leia. Had she… heard me?

“Aren’t you going to go in?” Before I could ask my own questions, she beat me to it.

“I don’t think I’m the person he wants to see.” I mumbled back softly, worried that I had waited too long for my chance to reconcile with him.

“You’d be surprised.” Leia winked at me before she turned around and disappeared down a curved hall.

I waited in the shadows further down the hall for a few moments before Poe left the med bay, heading toward his room, intent on keeping my promise to Cerys

I followed him silently, trying to piece the words I wanted to say together in my mind, but every time I tried, they fell apart, disappearing in my mind's eye. I was running out of time.

Just as Poe was about to key open his room, I began to speak.

“I know I’m probably the last person you want to hear from.” Poe stopped but did not turn around, “It took me thirteen years to realize that how I felt was foolish. Actually, it took my younger sister telling me I was stupid. How sad is that?”

I laughed half heartedly for a few seconds.

“I was so happy to have finally gained someone permanent in my life, I instantly began to worry about losing him. And even though I loved him from the first moment he took my hand in his and dragged me around, I didn’t know what those feelings meant.”

I shook my head.

“What I’m trying to say, is that I want to be here, I want to see every star, I want to fly forever, and I never want to stop following you, Poe.” I had remembered the words he said to me that night, under the stars, thinking of our futures. But at the young age of fifteen, I didn’t realize how much he had meant them.

We stood there in silence, neither of us moving. I felt the blood drain from my face. I felt nauseous. Maybe Cerys had been wrong.

“Thirteen years.” I cringed inwardly as he turned around and I saw how bruised and scarred his face really was. He showed little emotion, “Thirteen years of me giving you space, dropping hints, waiting.”

I averted my eyes down to the floor, every cell in my body wanting to turn and flee. How could I have been so stupid?

“And it was worth every second.”

I glanced up in surprise to see Poe standing before me, his usual smirk and bright brown eyes staring down at me like we were seven all over again.

I jumped at him, tears pricking my eyes, finally able to express how happy I was that he had returned. 

He caught me mid-air, although he did stagger, his arms wrapped tightly around my back as he held me close, his head buried in the crook of my neck.

“Don’t you ever leave me behind again.” I pushed away and landed on the floor, my boots clanging against the metal grate below me. I recalled he wasn’t in the best condition to be holding someone.

“Not a chance.” He breathed, his hands on my lower back, pulling me close again and leaning down, his lips pressing gently against mine. Only this time I didn’t pull away. I smiled lightly, kissing him back. It felt strange, kissing Poe, my best friend. No, my boyfriend. Fiancé?

“Wait, are we really engaged?” I pulled out of the kiss, a single eyebrow raised in speculation.

He chuckled, wrapping an arm around my shoulders as we walked toward his room, “Only if you want to be.”

I leaned my head against his shoulder as we walked, arms crossed.

“Well we have only been officially together for about-” I glanced at my wrist playfully. “-ten seconds. What would my father say?”

“Are you kidding? Your dad has been begging me to marry you since we were sixteen.” Poe rolled his eyes.

I hummed in return, sitting down on his bed.

“Tell me everything that happened.” I demanded.

“Everything? Sid it’s two in the morning, can’t this wait-?”

“Wait? I thought you died.” I argued back seriously, voice cracking momentarily, all the emotions from the night I had the vision returning.

“Why, because I had stopped sending daily reports?” Poe gingerly took off a jacket I didn’t recognize, tossing it onto a chair.

“No. I felt you being hurt.” 

He paused as he was about to take off his shirt, looking at me suspiciously. 

“Like there was a hand going through each and every memory I had in my brain.” I continued, “I was there. I was you, Poe. And it hurt.”

He widened his eyes in surprise, dropping his hands from where they had been grasping the bottom of the shirt, coming to crouch before me, “You felt that?”

“That’s why I want to know what happened.” I said with a nod, breath hitched as the emotions flooded my senses, “After that I didn’t feel anything. Everyone told me you’d be fine, but when I couldn’t feel you, I-”

“Shh, Sid.” He took my hand in his and squeezed it gently, brown eyes calming, “I’m fine.”

I nodded once, trying to swallow the bile rising in my throat. He was right, of course, crouching here before me. He stood up and attempted to pull his dirty tan shirt off, but stopped halfway, hissing in pain as I saw a large, nearly black bruise resting over his left ribs.

I quickly stood up and attempted to help him, expecting to find his face contorted in pain once it was free of the thin fabric, but instead found a cheeky grin.

“Didn’t think you’d be undressing me so soon.” He said warmly.

I rolled my eyes at the remark, but couldn’t help it as they wandered across his bruised chest, taking each blotch of mis-colored skin sadly. I tentively brought my fingers to the biggest of the bruises over his ribs, retracting as he grunted in pain at the contact.

“I’m sorry-”

“No, it’s fine.” He took my hand in his and rested it gently against the skin, suppressing any noise, “Your cold fingers feel nice against it.”

“They tortured you.” I muttered sadly, noticing that the bruise was nearly bigger than my own hand.

“Better me than-”

“Me?” I finished for him, “That’s what you thought when you were there.” 

“Yes.” He nodded gently, “Remind me to thank Leia for keeping you here. Had anything happened to you-”

“Yeah, I know.” I said quietly, not wanting to even fathom how differently this mission could have gone, “Now tell me what happened.”

“Well, it started with about a week of following the trail that was left behind by Tekka.” Poe took my shoulders and sat me gently down on the bed as he continued to change, “But the First Order must have picked up my trail because they found me and killed him and a whole village of people Jakku, but not before he gave me a chip with Luke’s location.”

“Really?” His trip had been more successful than I imagined.

“But with the First Order showing up and slaying everything in their path, I gave it to BB-8 and… I don’t know where he went.”

My eyes widened in surprise.

“You lost BB-8?” I asked incredulously, pulling off my boots and crossing my feet on his bed.

“No, I sent him off before I was captured.” He explained, “Like I said, we were on Jakku. That giant desert… he really could be anywhere…” He trailed off. I could tell he was worried about his droid, “But I was taken by the First Order. They tortured me for the information, as you already could, and I relented to begin with.”

He had finished changing out of his filthy clothes, remaining shirtless as he scrutinized the bruising in a mirror.

“That is until I was probed by someone strong in the force. But you knew that much. They found out about BB-8 and were going to go after him, but a Storm Trooper broke me out.”

“What?” As if his story hadn’t been strange enough…

“Yeah, named him Finn, we escaped on a TIE fighter- which was absolutely amazing, can’t believe I actually got to fly it, Finn asked me if I knew how to fly it, told him I could fly anything, not entirely a lie on my part, I was flying it just fine-”

“Poe, you’re rambling.” I cut him off. If I knew him, he’d be able to talk about his brief flight in the TIE for hours.

“Right. We were hit while escaping back to Jakku. We both ejected and I think I lost my memories for a little while. Not entirely sure. I couldn’t find any of the wreckage, or Finn, so I found the closest town to search for BB-8. I couldn’t stay long though, I knew the First Order were going to be looking for me and for him. I needed to get back here, so I impressed some locals, got a ship and headed straight here.”

I sat in silence, thinking over all that he had said. Leia had been right. Had there been two of us, who knows how different this mission might have turned out. I’d have to be more confident in her orders. 

While lost in my thoughts, Poe flicked off the light and I sat up to move.

“Right, you’re probably exhausted, I shouldn’t have kept you-”

But Poe’s hand on my shoulder stopped me before it slip up and touched my cheek.

“Please don’t leave yet.”

The moment he spoke, I forgot Poe wasn’t just the tough, laughing exterior he put up for everyone, but the small, lost boy who had just suffered torture and had been near death. He sounded so sad.

We both slid under the covers and held each other tightly, the sound of our breathing calm.

“I think you should go back to the New Republic Navy.”

“That was abrupt.” I uttered a few seconds later, “Why?”

“He talked about you.” He said quietly, “The man who probed my memories. He saw you as a child, saw all that hate you had in you. He wanted that.”

“Hmm.” I whispered back, “I might have had that hate as a child who just lost her mother and got a screaming baby sister instead, but ever since Poe Dameron, the best pilot in the universe came and took my hand-” I found his hand in resting on his stomach and took it in mine with a smile that was lost in the darkness “-I’ve only ever seen the light. Besides, where you go, I go, remember?”

I heard him laugh quietly before pulled me closer and kissed my temple, the both of us drifting to sleep.


	22. Takodana

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _*I only own the characters you do not recognize- I in no way own Star Wars*_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **To The Stars and Back  
> **  
>  Chapter Twenty Two; Takodana  
> A Fanfiction written by TheObsessory  
> 

“No!”

I shot up, wakened from my slumber by the movement of the bed and a yell that arose from the body next to me.

In the growing light of the morning, I could see Poe’s shirt blotched with sweat, beads of the liquid dripping from the edge of his hair to trail down to join the stains. 

Poe. 

I breathed a sigh of relief, despite the fear in his eyes. He was back and safe and alive. But tortured. I could only guess it was a cruel nightmare reminiscent of his torturing he awoke from so urgently. He flinched back from the reach of my hand, and although it pained me to see him this way, I knew it wasn’t meant personally.

I slowly sat up, pushing myself up to the top of the bed. I sat on his pillow with my legs crossed in front of me, placing my hands gently on his shoulders. The muscles stiffened momentarily, but when I did not remove them a whispered soft words into his ear, they relaxed, and he allowed me to pull him backwards, resting his upper back against my chest and the back of his head between my shoulder and neck.

I pushed my cheek gently against his, continuing in my soft speech. My arms wrapped around his neck and shoulders, one of his own shaking hands grasping my own. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you.” I whispered, a few tears watering my eyes. He was terrified. Someone had done such horrible things to him, not just physically, but mentally as well. They had done something to him that a stitch could not close. That a bandage could not cover. That an ointment could not soothe. And who knew how long it would take to heal? “I’m sorry I don’t know how to help you.”

“Just hold me.” He murmured back, his voice stronger than he appeared, “I’ll be fine.”

I kissed his cheek gently, the grown out stubble scratching at the sensitive skin of my lips. But it just made me all the more glad that he was here. 

Both of our devices beeped simultaneously, and Poe was back to his usual work persona. Pulling away from my embrace, he scanned the screen, reading the words with such an urgency, I was worried he might miss some information.

When he looked back up, a gleeful smirk was pushing his cheeks up and there were tears in his eyes.

“They’ve found BB-8.” 

I sat up straight, a million questions rolling through my mind.

“On Takodana. They’re sending a party there to get him right now. Both you and I are in the line-up if we’re well enough. Sid?”

“As if you need to ask me. I think it’s you we should be wondering about.” I responded, an eyebrow raised. 

“I’m fine.” My questioning gaze was unsure of that, “Honest. Besides, I need to see this out. I got him into this mess.”

“Alright. Then let’s go get him.” 

I began to gather my belongings together to go get ready in my own room when Poe pulled me towards him, his lips seizing mine in a kiss that left me lightheaded. 

“You’ll marry me, won’t you?” He whispered against my lips when we parted for air.

“Well you didn’t wait all this time for me to say no, did you?” I chuckled, my fingers playing with the hair at the base of his neck. 

“As soon as possible?”

“Poe, one day at a time. What’s the rush? I’m not going anywhere, neither are our father’s or Cerys. And with the Resistance and all this fighting-”

“As soon as possible.” This time it was a demand, not a question.

I could only guess why he didn’t want to wait. Perhaps it was the wasted years? Or perhaps he was afraid. Afraid of what may happen should the Resistance fail in retrieving BB-8. Afraid of what may happen when we are unable to find Luke, to find our hope. Afraid of me dying? Afraid of him-?

“Alright.” I pushed such thoughts away. And with a gentle peck to his forehead, I left to prepare. 

\--------------------

“Come on BB-5, we haven’t got much longer. They’re going to leave without us whether we want them to or not.” Despite only having a couple of hours of sleep under my belt, I was ready to jump back into the fight.

I paused in my adjusting of my bright orange jumpsuit, watching Poe as he hurried around his own ship, calling commands to the temporary droid he had borrowed in the absence of BB-8. Though I worried for him, I knew that when he put his mind to it, there would be no stopping him, and he was determined to get his little droid back. 

And that was when I began to hear the screams and calls of my fellow pilots and other members of the Resistance. But upon glancing around, I saw everyone’s eyes locked to the skies in horror. Looking up, I saw what had prompted the screams: a bright red beam was making it’s way slowly across the sky, it’s path set as it flew in a straight line. Although we were on the outer rim of the galaxy, the red beam was still very clear against the blue of the sky.

It seemed to take ages, but at the same time, only seconds, to reach its destination, and although I was unsure where exactly that was, I heard a nearby pilot whisper it.

“Hosnian Prime.”

The air in my lungs left, I felt as though someone had run at me full force and knocked every ounce of breath clean out of me. I took a few steps forward, my knees weak and my body unresponsive as though I was in an unruly dream. It had to be a dream. 

The moment I could stand no longer, Poe caught me in his arms, his own face lost in the confusion of the moment. Did he know his father was there? That Cerys-

Just the thought of her name caused a scream to escape my lips. I struggled against Poe’s strong arms holding me in place.

“Let go of me!” I screamed, thrashing back and forth, “We have to get her!” 

The floodgates were broken as the tears began, my pulling and hitting at Poe began to weaken as the sobs overtook me.

“Sid, can you feel anything?” 

I struggled to understand his words as I tried to breathe, as I tried to stay awake, to fight the lightheadedness that confused my mind.

He took my cheeks in either hand, forcing me to look at him. 

“Can you feel anything?” He repeated, “You knew. You knew when my mother was in danger and you knew when I was in danger, so answer me this: were Cerys and my father in danger?”

I shook my head, unable to force words from my lips.

“Then they’re safe.” He breathed, his fingers tracing my cheeks to catch any falling tears.

“You can’t know that.” I gasped, “I don’t know-”

“Don’t doubt yourself.” He was stern now, his brown eyes fierce, “You haven’t been wrong since. Come on, we’ve got to get to Takodana before any more lives are lost.”

\------------------------

Despite my fear and the tears that still refused to stop, Poe’s belief that what I was feeling, or in this case, not feeling, kept me going. I mindlessly readied my ship next to my squadron. I knew it was dangerous to not have my thoughts solely on the work in front of me, but it was no use. I couldn’t shake the fact that, despite Poe was most undoubtedly right about my feelings, Cerys was not here and I had no idea where she was or what her condition was.

We jumped into lightspeed once we cleared D’qar, and I was given a moment to drop everything and breathe.

And as I sat there, thinking about my sister and Kes, willing anything to give me a sign, nothing came to me. No good, no bad. Maybe that was my sign. Poe was right. I had to focus on what we were doing now. I couldn’t let the First Order hurt anyone ever again. 

We came out of lightspeed just outside of Takodana. It was in that moment I realized I had never been here before. The planet looked lush and green, covered in lakes and tropical jungles. It was hard to believe anything evil could even touch this planet.

We entered the atmosphere near to where Maz Katana’s outpost was located, racing over a small lake toward the battle.

TIE fighters littered the air, and little white specs covered the ground, scattering this way and that as we arrived.

“Go straight at ‘em, don’t let these thugs scare you!” Poe’s voice jumped over the radio, calming my nerves.

“Copy that.” Jessika Pava’s voice crackled next, followed by Snap’s, “We’re with you, Poe”

I began my pursuit of the TIE’s, taking all my anger- anger that I hadn’t realized that was boiling in my veins -out on them. I made sure my radio was muted as I began to curse at each and every TIE I blew from the sky, cursing them for causing the galaxy so much pain, for hurting my family, for causing me to worry about them. 

Poe, of course, didn’t mute his mic and couldn’t contain his joy as he raced across the sky, shooting TIE after TIE into scrap metal. 

The battle only lasted a mere few minutes, as the First Order hadn’t planned on our being there. They soon began to recall troops from the ground as we were busy eliminating TIEs, and as quickly as we had arrived, they disappeared, leaving Maz Katana’s outpost a pile of rubble.

We stuck around as some ground troops landed to pick up any survivors and check the perimeter in case any Storm Troopers hadn’t fled, but once again we were on our way home.

I was one of the first to land, and greeted Poe as he climbed out of his X-wing, helmet still snug on his head. 

“You were fantastic.” I said with a light smile, the back of my mind still searching for anything on Cerys.

Poe pulled his helmet off, his hair sticking up in wild places as he glanced my way, but before any words could be exchanged, a blip from the ground caught both of our attentions.

“BB-8, my buddy!” Poe crouched before the dirty droid, looking over the bumps he now sported, “It’s so good to see you.”

BB-8 beeped in response, getting straight to the point.

“Finn saved you?” I could only guess that Finn was the Stormtrooper that had helped him escape, “Where is he?”

BB-8’s little head swiveled to the side and both Poe and I glanced over to see a tall, dark skinned man with a very confused expression on his face and Poe’s jacket on his back. 

Before I could say anything, the two of them were rushing toward each other and once they met, embraced. 

I allowed them a moment to catch up, slowly walking over as the conversation was ending with Poe’s, “You’re a good man, Finn.”

“I think it’s safe to say you’re the one who saved Poe?” 

Poe turned to stand by Finn’s side, his hand on his shoulder. The darker man glanced to Poe before look back toward me with a nod.

I quickly wrapped my arms around him in a hug, “I owe you everything.” 

After a few awkward moments of keeping his arms outstretched, Finn’s arms wrapped around me as well for a quick squeeze. 

When I pulled back, I took Poe’s hand in mine and flashed him a smile. 

“Sidra? Sid!”

My heartbeat stopped as I turned and saw my sister, whole and unhurt, a few paces off, Kes and our father not too far behind.

I released Poe’s hand and began to run straight for her, unable to suppress the happy tears that leaked from my eyes. Cerys began to run as well and we crashed into each other, our arms instinctively wrapping around each other and pulling us closer together. 

I could say no words as I was overwhelmed with emotion, and choked at the knot in my throat, hardly able to breathe.

“I’m fine, Sid!” Cerys’s voice was raw with emotion, “Stop crying.”

I held her tightly and sobbed, swinging her back and forth.

“How?” I was finally able to speak, despite the knot that still stuck to my throat.

“I don’t know.” Cerys gasped back, “Something just felt… wrong.”

I pulled away from her, studying her face. So my sister had this knowledge as well. 

“Just… you’re never allowed to leave my sight again, you hear me?” I laughed, the tears still streaming, as I ran my hand through what little hair she hadn’t cut off. 

“Oh stop your crying. I’m fine, Poe’s alive. Everything is fine.” Cerys swatted my hand away playfully before drying her cheeks with the sleeve of her jacket.

“Everything’s not fine.” Finn picked up from where he stood, BB-8 at his feet, a serious look to his dark eyes, “I need your help.”


	23. Fin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _*I only own the characters you do not recognize- I in no way own Star Wars*_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **To The Stars and Back  
> **  
>  Chapter Twenty Three; Fin  
> A Fanfiction written by TheObsessory  
> 

After Finn’s quick explaination of the girl named Rey, how he worked on the base where she was currently prisoner in and her capture, Poe and I quickly hustled toward the command center, hopeful to find the General. 

The communications center was bustling and busy, every voice speaking, trying to talk over one another. Some people were on radios, others speaking to each other. Most of the chatter was probably about the recent events with the Hosnian System, but we were in too much of a hurry to overhear much of anything. The General was quickly talking to a few of her commanders when Poe rudely interrupted.

“General Organa. I’m sorry to interrupt.” Poe nodded once to the others who had previously held Leia’s gaze, “This is Finn, he needs to talk to you.”

“And I need to talk to him.” Leia didn’t seem the least bit concerned being taken from one conversation and thrown into another. Although something told me, this had been happening, and would be happening, all day, “That was incredibly brave what you did- renouncing the First Order, saving this man’s life-”

“Thank you, ma’am,” Finn jumped straight to the point and wasn’t having any of the General’s fine words. Obviously Rey meant a lot to him, “But a friend of mine was taken prisoner-”

“Han told me about the girl.” A red flag went up in my mind. The Han Solo? Well of course he would be around eventually. He and Leia were married, “I’m sorry.”

“Finn’s familiar with the weapon that destroyed the Hosnian System. He worked on the base.” Poe kept the conversation going, and this tidbit of information caught Leia’s attention.

“We’re desperate for anything you can tell us.” She spoke urgently, even a few people from around us stopped what they were doing to quiet down and listen, hopeful for anything to stop the First Order.

“That’s where my friend was taken, I’ve got to get there fast.” 

“And I will do everything I can to help, but first you need to tell us all you know.” 

For the time being, Finn would be off with a large group of higher ups who got to know everything. Poe and I, lowly Commanders, despite being Leia’s most trusted pilots, were left behind.

I was alright with this fact, for once, as I realized neither Poe nor I had a moment to celebrate the fact that Kes was alive and well. And especially in this time of grieving for all those who had been lost to the First Order in one foul swoop. 

We all met for a mid afternoon meal. It wasn’t until I smelled the food I realized how hungry I was. Little talking was done as we all ate together, but once we had finished and allowed our food to settle, as Poe placed his arm on the back of my chair and brushed his fingers along my shoulder, I realized there was some important information being withheld from my father, sister and father to be.

“Uh.” I bit my lip and glanced nervously at Poe, unsure how to approaching the situation. ‘Oh yeah, suddenly we’re engaged’? ‘We’re getting married as soon as possible’?

“We already know, Sidra.” My father stopped me before I could finish mentally preparing a speech.

“I had a hunch.” Cerys winked my direction, unable to suppress her grin any longer. 

I nearly rolled my eyes at my baby sister, but grinned just as widely as she did. 

“You’ve always been my daughter, anyway, so we might as well make it official.” Kes pulled me into a hug from where I sat next to him, planting a gentle kiss on my forehead.

The gesture nearly moved me to tears. My wonderful little family was still together, and was all the more stronger now that it was to be made into a real family, and not just one I had drawn and hung on my fridge all those years ago.

\-------------------------  
Together with Finn’s information and Snap’s recent secret mission, the Resistance finally had enough information to launch a counter attack, and it was now time for our meeting. It was time to stop the First Order, once and for all.

“The scan data from Snap’s reconnaissance flight confirms Finn’s report.” Poe had taken the lead in the meeting, standing before all of the pilots and higher ups. Kes, father, Cerys and I all stood near by, listening intently to what would happen.

“They’ve somehow created a hyper-lightspeed weapon built within the planet itself.” Snap concluded.

“A laser cannon?” A major who stood next to Han asked. Upon first seeing Han and Chewie, I was overwhelmed by the look of the man who had so many titles and had done so much in his life up until this moment. Although not too much older than my own father, the years showed long and hard with each crease on his forehead and next to his eyes. It was hard to remember that the people we thought of as heroes were people just like we were.

“We’re not sure how to describe a weapon of this scale.” Snap answered. 

“It’s another Death Star.” An older commander with long white hair, I believed his name to be Ematt, commented next to the major who had spoken previously, a few head nods and murmurs following his words. 

“I wish that were the case, commander. This was the Death Star-” Poe tapped a few choice buttons on the machine before him and a small holographic image appeared before us, “And this is Starkiller Base.”

Everyone in the room reacted, surprised at the sheer size of the new weapon the First Order had created. At least ten times the size of the small Death Star projection next to it, I felt my blood run cold.

“So it’s big.” At least Han remained positive.

“How is it possible to power a weapon that size?” 

“It uses the power of the sun.” Finn took the floor now, obviously a bit nervous, “As the weapon is charged, the sun is drained until it disappears.”

“Ma’am.”

A young woman brought a note to General Organa, and after a few seconds, it looked like she had aged ten years.

“The First Order…” Her voice was so tired, “They’re charging the weapon again now. Our system is the next target.”

I felt as though the room was frozen as I glanced firstly from Poe to Kes, father and Cerys. 

I took my sister’s hand in my own, my eyes pleading. 

“You have to leave.” I mouthed silently, but her eyes remained resilient as she squeezed my hand.

“Okay, how do we blow it up? There’s always a way to do that.” I wished I could be as humorous and light as the smuggler.

“Han’s right.” Leia agreed.

“In order for that amount of power to be contained, that base has to have some kind of thermal oscillator.” Admiral Statura’s mind was going, you could see it as he spoke with his hands.

“There is one.” Finn walked around the table to stop at Poe’s side, pointing toward a hexagon on the outside of Starkiller base, “Precinct 47. Here.”

“If we can destroy that oscillator,” Statura continued, “It might destabilize the core and cripple the weapon.” 

“Maybe the planet.” All the voice’s now speaking grew with hope.

“We’ll go in there, we’ll hit that oscillator with everything we’ve got.” Poe glanced in my direction with a nod of his head and a smirk on his lips.

“They have defensive shields that our ships cannot penetrate.” 

“We disable the shields.” Han suggested, pointing toward Finn, “Kid you worked there. What do you got?”

 

Although Finn looked a bit nervous, there was a resolution deep in his eyes, “I can do it. I can disable the shields but I have to be there. On the planet.” 

“We’ll get you there.” Han and Chewie glanced at one another.

“Han, how?” Leia sounded stressed and frustrated, her significant other suddenly back most likely not helping the situation.

“If I told you, you wouldn’t like it.” I couldn’t help but smile at the banter between the two lover’s. It was clear that despite their differences and their time apart, they still deeply cared for one another.

“So we disable the shields, we take out the oscillator and we blow up their big gun.” 

I nearly jumped at Chewbacca’s sudden call- in fact I think most people in his immediate area did.

“All right, let’s go.” 

As everyone hurried to their places, I only got a few moments to wish my sister and father’s luck in their duties.

“I want you to have a ship ready as soon as possible. If we fail, if he can’t stop it in time, I want the three of you on that ship and out of this system as quickly as possible, you hear me? And you take the General and as many people as you possibly can take- no, don’t argue, we don’t have time.” I held my gloved hand up to Cerys as she began to speak, my serious tone causing her to snap her jaw shut, “I love the three of you more than anything in this galaxy, and I want you safe.” 

I didn’t let them say anything in return- I couldn’t bare the thought of never seeing them again if anything should happen- but hugged them all quickly before racing off toward my ship, BB-5 hard on my heels. I suited up as quickly as possible, hand’s shaking despite the relative calm that had settled in my heart.

It was time to do this.

I was suited and ready to go long before my ship was ready, and stood there nervously, fingers twitching and toes tapping inside my boots. 

“Deep breaths.” Poe’s hands were on my shoulder’s before I realized he was close by, his forehead leaning against the back of my head gently. 

“No, I’m ready.” I turned around, looking up into his eyes, “This is going to happen. Either we win or we lose. And I’m scared and nervous and I don’t know what’s going to happen, but… we’re good. And I know this galaxy isn’t perfect, but it’s worth defending. Especially if Cerys is in it. Especially if you are.”

Poe’s eyes softened as his hand found the underside of my chin, cupping it gently. His wonderful smile warmed my heart and caused my stomach to bounce.

“God, I love you.”

We held our kiss a little too long for being in public, but this was war, and no one knew the outcome. The people around us could forgive us our affections just this one time. 

When he pulled away, I didn’t want to let go and took his hand in mine as he started to turn.

“You be careful, Poe Dameron.” I warned him, biting at the inside of my lip. 

He smirked a little, looking back at me. 

“Just you wait, Sidra Van. We’ll get out of this alive.” And with that, Poe kissed my knuckles and sprinted toward his ship.

Our ships floated out in the great abyss of space for a little while, allowing the Millennium Falcon a head start. And as I sat there, alone with my own thoughts, I was at peace. Nearly thirty years of life was not ideal, but it was enough. I had lost not only one mother, but two. But in the time before they passed I had loved them, and they knew it.

I had two wonderful father’s to raise me when my mother’s were gone. The both of them did all they could to protect me but urge me forward into the world and never stopped me from experiencing all that I could. 

I had the most intelligent younger sister who was my beacon of light, a testament to our beautiful mother and practically my own child. If in the end none of us made it out alive, I hoped Cerys would. If anyone was smart enough to counter the First Order with all of us, gone, it would be her.

And I had fallen in love with my best friend. We shared in every adventure, cried together, laughed together. He had never left my side despite all that I put him through. 

And not to forget Karé, Iolo, Muran, the General-

“Okay ladies, let’s not sit around moping forever. Destiny awaits us.” Poe’s voice crackled next to my ear. I sniffed my watering nose as I prepared to jump into light speed. We hadn’t been going for long before we got our commands.

“Black Leader, go to sub-lights on your call.” 

“Roger, base.” Despite the lights that flashed around us and speed at which we flew, Poe’s voice calmed me, “Red Squad, Blue Squad, Orange Squad, take my lead.”

Nien Nunb’s Sullustese followed Poe’s voice, with Blue Squad next and my own call out not far behind, “Dropping out of lightspeed.”

We entered the atmosphere of the foreign planet quickly, surrounded by snowy mountains with pieces of the weapon sticking out here and there.

“Almost in range.” Poe was yelling into the radio by now, obviously overcome by his excitement, “Hit the target dead center. As many runs as we can get.”

We all followed Poe toward the machine, my heart racing. The First Order would be deploying their own troops soon enough.

“Alright, let’s light it up!”

On his command, we all began to shoot, red lasers flowing from our X-wing’s like a beautiful light show. I could hear the other’s speaking but it all went in one ear and out the other. I could barely comprehend what I heard, despite the fact that I heard it. Something about the sun, about hitting it multiple times. That, however, I wasn’t going to have to be told twice.

We swooped around for another go, our lasers flying and caused dark gray smoke to spurt from the surface of the machine, dispersing up into the air as we swung by once more.

And, of course, that was when the TIE’s made their presences known. 

“Guys, we got a lot of company!” 

It was now a tricky game. Weave, shoot the enemy, shoot the oscillator, don’t get shot yourself. The light in the sky was fading fast than I would have liked, and we were now down one pilot.

“I got one behind me!” Snap’s voice was loud over the radio, but Jessika Pava was already to his rescue.

“Burillo’s been hit!” Another pilot down. My heart beat hard at another loss.

“Watch out for ground fire.”

Where had I been? It wasn’t just two pilots down, it was already down to half. 

A sickening feeling began to build in my stomach. The TIEs already outnumbered us twenty to one, and we were dropping faster than flies. 

And now the sky was nearly dark.

“Poe, no matter how many times we fire on this thing, I don’t think it’s going to work!” I tried to keep my voice as even as possible, but the impossibility of the task was building and the panic in my voice was apparent.

“No, there’s no going back now, Sid. If we leave, everyone we know and love is dead. So we will do this, or we will die trying.” How he could sound so confident baffled me. I was never half as brave as Poe, and even now in the face of death, he had no reservations.

I pushed whatever nausea was overcoming me and began to shoot even more rounds into the machines that shot at us from the ground and into the oncoming TIEs.

This continued on for a few more minutes, another X-wing crashing to the ground, another pilot’s screams crying out just before the moment of impact.

And then the sky went black. 

And then the unbelievable happened.

The oscillator went up in flames from the inside out, a small explosion catching my eye.  
“Finn!” Poe cheered over the radio, “It had to be him, I know it.”

And yet I didn’t feel as joyful as he did. Something was wrong.

“Black Leader, there’s a brand new hole in that oscillator. Looks like our friends got in.”

And sure enough, the small explosion had made the perfect opening for us. Perhaps we had a chance after all.

“Red Four, Orange Six, cover us. Everybody else, hit the target hard, give it everything you’ve got!”

We raced back toward the target as we had flown a distance away as we got overwhelmed with the ground shooting combined with the TIEs, but now, as we raced forward, a new energy filled me, and it was like that day all those years ago, with Shara’s hand over mine in her old X-wing, carefully maneuvering me through the jungle trees on Yavin 4. Only the trees here were TIEs and our goal would not be as easy as just dodging. 

And so we delved into a crack of the oscillator, heading straight for the gaping hole, dodging metal beams, bolts of lasers and TIEs all the way.

We lost Atsy with another yell of panic, but we raced forward. 

“All teams, I’m going in.” Poe voice once again flooded over the radio, “Pull up and cover me.”

As much as I wanted to follow him, to demand he get out of there no matter what, I held my tongue and followed orders. I had to trust in Poe’s capabilities, even if I wasn’t there to save him if he needed it.

We continued to fire on the TIEs that circled us as Poe disappeared into the flaming hole. I held my breath as his line was silent, hoping beyond hope that he would come back out. 

And in only a few moments, the oscillator that had been barely flaming exploded out, pieces of molten metal and flames licking at the sky. And just as I was about to cry out, Poe emerged from the smoke, and even bigger and louder explosion deafening our radio.

We had done it.

I cheered with the rest of the pilots as fresh tears welled from the corners of my eyes despite the losses we had suffered in just a few minutes of battle.

Yet we refused to leave until Poe found the Falcon lifting off from a snow covered forest and followed them in light speed back to our base.

Our joy, however, quickly turned to tears and worry when we landed. The Falcon was one member short and Finn was in dire need of assistance. 

Poe gave one glance towards me before he ran off with the medics who had Finn.

And then I was left alone with the girl, Rey. She looked lost, dressed in rags and surrounded by those in military attire. And so sad. 

“I think you should know, from the moment Finn landed here, he wouldn’t stop talking about you.” I didn’t know if the words I was saying would help or hinder her sadness, but I figured it was something she wanted to hear. 

I left the girl standing, still looking lost, but with the General at her side to go find Poe. 

It wasn’t much later that R2-D2 reactivated, and I had a feeling it had something to do with the presence of Rey, though I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. And, although C-3P0 had been convinced he wouldn’t have the rest of the map to Luke, it turns out he did.

And it was before us that the two droids, R2-D2 and BB-8, combined the two pieces of the puzzle and solved the map to Luke Skywalker. 

Things from there on out were completely out of my hands, and I felt as if I was in a daze. Rey, before I could get another word to her, or learn anything about her, her whereabouts or her place in the story of the rescue of Finn, was whisked off into another journey to find Luke for Leia. I was particularly surprised Poe and I hadn’t been asked and it wasn’t until futher down the road that Poe told me he had declined her offer. 

And for good reason.

“Oh Cerys… I really don’t think I’ll fit.” I looked over the dress lying on my bed quizzically, trying to see myself in it, but unable to do so. I shivered as I stood in nothing but my underwear, “Mother was so much taller than I am.”

“You only remember mother as being taller than you because you were a child when she left, silly. Now put it on- everyone’s already dressed and waiting on you!” Cerys had fashioned her hair over the shaved side of her head, and had I not known she had shaved it, I never would have guessed. She wore a fashionable orange red dress and had even applied some makeup around her eyes.

I took the light material in my hands and, with Cerys’s help, pulled it on over my head. I was surprised to find that it fit nearly perfectly, if not a little be big around the chest area. The dress was nearly entirely white with the bottom half of the bodice being a tad off white in comparison with a gold accent along the edge of the bodice, and the sleeves were long, billowy and sheer. 

“I feel so silly.” I whispered mostly to myself, but Cerys clucked her tongue.

“You look beautiful. I bet dad’s going to cry because you look just like mom on their wedding day.” She exclaimed, fastening the clasps in the back. 

I smiled sadly, a bit upset that Cerys had never known mom, “I’m sure he’ll cry no matter what.”

My hair was quickly twisted up into a bun that sat atop the back of my head and I reluctantly allowed my sister to apply some makeup around my eyes and lips. I slipped on my white slippers and was about to leave my room when I felt at my neck.

“Can’t forget this.” I smiled at my younger sister as I slipped the faded gold chain Poe had gifted to me around my neck. 

Our wedding was very unofficial; there had been no planning, no invitations to distant relatives we never saw. Cerys, Kes and my father were present, along with the few of our fellow pilots who had survived, a few of the higher ups and, of course, General Organa officiated the wedding. But I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Poe probably could have arrived with a face covered in grease and his hair sticking up wild from wearing his helmet and I wouldn’t have cared, but was surprised to find him well groomed and wearing casual, but very nice clothes. 

His smile when he saw me walking toward him nearly knocked the air straight out of me. 

Leia, despite the loss of not only her husband, but her son as well, looked beautiful in a dark navy blue dress with her done up. I would be forever grateful to her for doing this for us in such a dark time. But perhaps it was this glimmer of light that kept her warm smile going.

“Dearly beloved, we are gather here today to join the Resistance’s two best pilots: Poe Dameron and Sidra Van. I have never seen a greater trust between two people, nor the amount of communication between one another. While many relationships with family and friends have been known to tear one another down in dark and resentful times, this bond has grown in love for many years, and will continue to do so for as long as you both shall live.” I glanced at the older woman here, tears in my eyes for her own fallen husband, not a day deceased, but Poe squeezed the fingers he held in his palms and he captured my gaze once more.

“And in the darkness, the Force has given us light and hope. Let this marriage be a beacon of hope for the Resistance as we all breathe and fight another day. Let this marriage be bright and good in a sea of evil we are surrounded by, for the First Order has only been wounded, and will build its’ strength once more. Yet as these two are now married, and officially become a single whole as they had already learned to be, let there be goodness in this galaxy once more.”

I glanced down to my finger to see Poe slip Shara Bey’s wedding ring onto my finger, and I took Kes’s and placed it gently onto his. 

It was in that moment I realized I hadn’t had a moment to think of any wedding vows, but when Poe and I locked eyes, he was already speaking his.

“To the stars and back.” 

So simple, yet it held our entire future, together, which is what I had always wanted, and so I found no better words as I answered back, “To the stars and back.”


End file.
